Mr. Light Hand

Some people refer to marital discipline with the term — taken in hand — which is an expression I like, because it connotes the leadership as well as protection a wife has in being in her husband’s hands. That hand of protection, and correction, doesn’t always need to be hard though. While I believe that hard spanking is best, and is often deserved, I would be the first to say that some husbands make discipline work well by taking their wife lightly in hand. That means their discipline is far from the harsher kind of correction. Some of these husbands give nothing but hand spankings. Others use instruments, but keep it light.

Why can this work well with certain women, while others would find it hardly a correction at all? Why does it leave one woman in deep remorse for her actions, and another frustrated, wondering why her husband won’t spank thoroughly. A lot has to do with the sensitivity of the woman. That includes physical sensitivity, and emotional sensitivity. It can even include the sensitivity of her conscience towards the wrong she has done, women being sometimes very morally aware, and other times quite callous. A gentler wife, sensitive in a few of those ways, may find a mild spanking gets through to her on the same levels that a hard spanking gets through to other women. I believe those women are in the minority, but clearly there are some in spanking marriages.

A sensitive wife might find it is hard enough to bear the humbling of being told you’ve done wrong, and having to undress for a spanking. That by itself may make her very sorry and sincerely repentant for her wrong. She may also find herself hesitant to receive one, or the fear of a spanking quite real, even if it’s only the bare handed variety. She may be able to express her sorrow, and desire to be good over her husband’s knee to the tune of a spanking that is not especially burning in its heat. A simple repeated sting may be enough, along with the sense she’s in her man’s hands, and will be spanked until she’s contrite. She may bawl, and promise to be good without the wallop of a paddle, or the roasting of a strap.

That difference in how spankings are given in marriage is a part of the natural variety we find in marital discipline. The light spanker, and the hard-handed man may both find they reach the effect they want with their discipline. Each husband also needs to be aware of what reaches his wife uniquely, and what improves her behavior. He should know her sensitivities, and what she needs to respond well. A wife may need the powerful deterrent of a proper whipping that she’ll never forget. She may also respond fully to a lecture, cornertime, and a shorter, fatherly hand spanking. Find the method that reaches the goal with her attitude and her behavior, and moreover what seems a just punishment.

There may be women who wish that their husband was the light spanking man. That way they’d avoid a few hard ordeals with discipline. However, it’s also possible the same women would brush off that kind of spanking, realize they can get away with what they want, and face what seems like few consequences for their actions. They realize their man’s authority can be dismissed. It’s not such a big deal. Their behavior isn’t all that wrong. Then they continue the behavior their husband seeks to correct. There is a reason so many household use harder discipline, and it would be foolish to wish for the lighter kind there.

Just as a man needs to understand and tune his discipline to what works for his wife, a woman can communicate what is working for her as well. She may not ultimately be the one who decides, but she may tell him if she thinks she can learn her lesson with a simple hand spanking. She can also tell him if his spankings are too short or light to make her feel punished and cleansed. If they do not instill submission in her, and respect for her man.

I encourage men to give spankings which a hard enough to punish the wrong, hard enough to be a deterrent, and thorough enough to instill a deep sense of submission to him in his wife. I have found that usually means giving long and hard spankings. The same goals however can sometimes be reached with lighter spankings, like some husbands regularly give, alongside a lecture. Success comes differently in different marriages. It seems often that a light hand man, has a sensitive soft-skinned woman. He can bare her and spank her with less pain. They are a match made for each other.


26 responses to “Mr. Light Hand”

  1. alanrilley Avatar

    If were the husband giving light spankings I’d worry she’d think of it just as play time rather than a time for her to learn submission and obedience to me.

    1. That’s a good point. It would seem more like play than spanking. I do hear from couples that swear it can work though.

  2. I got my first “spanking” with the strap last night. My husband said I have been having a horrible attitude lately. I understand what he is saying I am feeling very overwhelmed with things in our life. From working 40 plus hours a week then having to handle house work and kids. I have been asking for DD in our marriage for 8 years so I am grateful my husband FINALLY FINALLY took the initiative. It’s funny you wrote this article today because I spoke to hubby this morning and asked what he thought about the whole experience. His comment was what do I think and I honestly told him it wasn’t enough. While he did hand spank me then strapped me he did not bring me to tears. I feel like bringing a women to tears is when they finally touch those sensitive sides of their soul. I tend to hold back tears or find them as a sign that I’m not strong. I want those tears to come freely. I desire to have those feelings reached. I desperately want to feel my husbands strength and want him to read me so well to know he needs to put my over his knee and spank me until I have rang out all the pent up frustration. I love reading your stuff Aaron we are “new” to DD and I hope so much that my husband will get this DD stuff figured out. I did thank him for the discipline, and today I did offer suggestions on how to better serve my discipline that I think would help me be a better submissive wife. He seems very hesitant to grab the reigns fully. I want to help him without seeming like I am the one in control. Does any of that make sense?

    1. Hello NMGirl, Congratulations on your first spanking. Thank you for writing. I definitely want this site to be able to offer help and guidance to couples like you and your husband. It’s a good first step that he has taken, and it sounds like he clearly sees some problem areas you need to work on. You do too.

      Surely, tears are related to much more than pain. It helps that a spanking is hard and very thorough, but there is a psychological and emotional element to be able to shed tears and experience that release. That’s one reason I also encourage clear and firm lecturing during a spanking, and the chance for the wife to express her remorse and her desire to be better. Every step in the process can help along the change, which definitely should reach the soul.

      It could be that your husband needs to be harder and longer in discipline too. There’s nothing wrong with telling him you need more firm discipline to correct you. I know it’s hard to not sound like you’re telling him what to do, but simply express them gently as your needs. You cannot demand them, but you can ask for them. If you have already, then give it some time, and see what happens.

      A man who is new to leading the home, or to discipline specifically, can definitely benefit from having either good material to read, or a male mentor to help him along. This makes sure you aren’t the one teaching him, which naturally is inappropriate. While I’ve never had a male mentor, I have learned from a variety of experienced men I spoke with on forums years ago. It helps you to see clearly what the norm is, what common mistakes are made, and what some effective techniques are. Many men naturally are afraid of hurting a woman, and it can take time to realize that sometimes a woman needs a proper whipping to learn a lesson. It can take time to realize that tears are frequently good for a woman. There is as much to unlearn as there is to learn.

      One thing I tell all ladies in your situation — and believe me you’re not alone — the best thing you can do is embrace your submission, and practice if fully for your husband. Even if you think he’s not being firm enough with you, do your part and grow in it. Learn to be soft and gentle to him. Speak to him with special reverence. Do things for him regularly. Ask him permission for things. Defer decisions to him. As you express your growing submission and femininity, it will make it easier for him to see his role, and easier to lead you. It may not immediately make him enthusiastic about harder discipline, but he’ll find it easier to fully live out his role, which includes disciplining you. Make it your goal to treat your man as king.

      I hope that offers you some help. Your husband is welcome to write me if he’d like to discuss discipline with a man. I’m very honored you enjoy my writing.



    2. NM Girl,

      You are in the opposite situation of most wives initially as you want to submit. Aron is correct when he says you must start the submission for your husband. You cannot control him but as you show him more submission in many ways he will grow to understand that he must be a man and a godly husband and discipline you and lead.
      Work on showing your husband in a variety of ways. Whenever you know you sin, you must get on your knees and apologize. Offer yourself to him as needing discipline. Be ready to receive discipline with a clean body at all time. Whenever your husband does discipline or correct you, whether in word or action, thank him verbally – specifically say what you’re thankful for. Then thank him orally on a daily basis. Show him that your submission results in better behavior and results in you humbling yourself on knees servicing him with a enthusiastic, energetic blowjob as Aron has discussed in his “oral training” posts. It will take time, but he will start to lead and you must then be sure to conform to his needs.

  3. My wife is one of those sensitive women. Knowing I decided to punish her and having to take her clothes off for a spanking makes her very remorseful by itself. I put her over my knee and spank her with my hand long enough to send a message, but I know it doesn’t have to be very hard to effectively alter her behavior.

    1. Hello Eric, It’s very good to hear your views and your experience with giving lighter spankings. That’s helpful to our readers. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

  4. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    I vary the intensity according to what is needed at the time. In some cases a few quick swats gets the desired effect while at other times I stripe her bottom quite harshly. She is more sullen after a light spanking than she is for a good old fashioned session with the strap.

  5. Aron, I, too, have always liked the phrase “taken in hand.” It captures the intimacy and love between a man and his wife, and the protections she enjoys under his watch, yet makes clear that it is his hand which is in charge, guiding her always, disciplining when necessary.

    I can’t speak to the effectiveness of a light punishment. My husband is a tender and loving man, and I’m sure no one would ever suspect that he has bent me over to sear a lesson into my backside. All they see is a man with quiet strength, and an adoring wife who follows him without hesitation. The pure fire that backs his words is a secret between us, but one that has strengthened our marriage and deepens my love for him. Lighter punishments would have been easier for me to bear, certainly. But I don’t know that they would have left their mark, so to speak. The pain of my husband’s belt flattened me in a way that truly opened my heart to his lessons. It also showed me his strength as a man, and a woman’s heart is designed to yearn for a man who is unafraid to do what God calls him to do. Though I genuinely fear my next spanking, my heart is full of love for my husband, and I am thankful that in his wisdom, he has seen fit to deliver the hard spankings I’ve needed to grow as a woman these first months of our marriage. A light hand wouldn’t have given me that, I feel sure.

    That’s not to say my husband doesn’t give my bottom lighter smacks at times, but they’re affectionate and playful. Even if he uses a harder spank or two to punctuate a point or give a little warning, its message is loving, and it makes my heart (and my body) melt at his touch. I do crave those flirtatious moments when he reminds me exactly who my bottom belongs to, for whatever purpose he desires, but that’s not discipline. For better or worse, my husband sides with Aron. In spite of my temporary pain, I respect him deeply for it. I know that in our marriage, if my husband decides I need a spanking, it will be a proper punishment. Hard. Long. It will make me cry, and I’ll be sore enough that his lesson will stick with me for a few days. Anything less, though, and I wouldn’t work to avoid it. I wouldn’t feel punished. Eventually, I might respect him less for not standing up to me. A man sometimes has to be hard with his wife, but she will love him for it.

    1. Thank you, Sophie. Yes, sometimes it takes that strong fire to back up authority. It’s amazing how such power goes together with such love and tenderness. Some hard strokes truly hammer in the lesson. I know you both are doing a very good job as husband and wife. Peace to both of you.

  6. This is something not happening to me anytime soon. My sir likes to use the cane most of the time if not it will be the strap. And I do admire his stern position in using an implement. Which keeps me in my place.

  7. Celeste Evanovich Avatar
    Celeste Evanovich

    Love the story..

  8. Well I have a colleague at work who practices this lifestyle and I did not know what it is so I looked it up and this website came up. As a husband and male I completly diagree with this lifestyle nor willing to implet it nor force anyone change their views, but since I am here I will just share my thoughts. While I do not belong to the same faith as people in here yes I do believe in God and have a relgion and do not believe that God allows this nor believe that God created men and women equal, but rather equitable. I firmly believe that men and women in this context marriage have different duties and responsibiltes but neither is superior to the other, however, they are not equally identical in some cases men are superior and in other cases women are. In my faith and family I have always been taught to treat my wife as nice as possible, because we do believe they are gentle creatures thus they must be treated with gentleness. You may say that someone my tke advantage of this but here is the thing, just like in your case I am guessing you made sure that you found wife who will not call the police on you and will accept this lifestyle, I made sure to find a wife who will not be abusive. While yes we believe that in decisons that will affect the whole family the husband has the final say but the wife should be involved, however, I do not have the final say things in absolutly everything rather I have a say in things that will affect my ability to fulfill my role, for example, if i got offered a job at a hospital in another country and could not find a job in my country, yes I will consult my wife but the final say will be mine as I must work to provide for the family, while she may work if she wishes and may not if wants or if it was a major thing regading the children such as how to best raise them, it is a mutual duty to try to find a mutual solution but it cannot then it is my say but I will try to include her opinion in my decision as much as possible. However, in things that only concern her like her hobbies, her relations with her friends etc. I have no say, but obvioulsy if she was doing something that is going gainst our faith then I will try to stop her. If she were to do something wrong, I do not “spank” rather I would sit and reason with her. Some women that will get them back on track other do not. Those that do not are usually the abusive ones, which i made sure I did not marry. While you may say that if I do not hit, do not use any of your practices, I can eaily get my wife to listen to me, my being nice with her, gentle and always asking for her input and trying to implent her own ideas within the family. With kindness I can get my wife to do everything I ask her. If i want her to do something I will ask her using words that she likes by saying honey can you please, or i would really appreciate if you could etc. If I see her falling short on something that she needs to do or that I asked her then I will help her do it. For example, I saw on this website is that some wives got hot because they did not do house chores, in my opnion when a wife puts something off then there is ually a reason like fatigue, forgetfullness etc. if than happened in my home I would simply help her with it. Again, someone may put things off just to annoy their husbands, and these are not the women to marry. Trust me based my experience and almost everyone within my circle who do this their wives do not abuse them and do their best to make their husbands happy. What I find is that for a husband to best get his wife to obey him in the matters she needs to obey him in is by being gentle with her and treating her with the finest manner all sane women will want to reciprocate with their husbands and in turn would want to do anything that will please him. It is not just me who has good relations with his wife and gets her to listen through being really kind to her, rather this is applies for almost everyone I know. This is just how we live based on out faith and culture and like I said I do not impose it one anyone and each is to their own.

    1. Hello Adam, Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I am aware of the fact that two people can live together in marriage, more or less sharing various duties, and generally get along much of the time. However, that is not ultimately what marriage is meant to be. Marriage has a real structure, including the authority of the man, an authority that flows from God, and which fits the design of his body and soul. Woman likewise is instructed by God, and guided by her nature, to the submissive role as helper.

      That is the natural structure of marriage, even if it is physically possible for two people to get along in an equal partnership. Marriage is not equal, and if two people just want a friendship, they do not have to get married to do that. Headship, and the correct division of responsibilities, is the right way to do things for marriage to accomplish its full purposes.

      Authority is not partial in marriage. If a man has authority, it means he governs his wife, not just a few tasks in the home. The Bible teaches a wife submits to her husband in all things, and not in some. It teaches man is head as Christ is head, and Christ rules over all. It further makes for very weak and ineffective leadership if a leader can only lead in some areas, and be ignored in others, being relegated to a follower when needed. That’s not fully leadership.

      As a husband, you have the right to lead your wife in every area of marriage and the home. That doesn’t mean you need to micromanage. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t have her own projects or make any number of daily decisions, because she does. But even her own projects are under your headship and your oversight. You can step in and make decisions there as needed. You can also listen to her thoughts, and consider her needs when you make household decisions, but the decision of course is your own.

      I note that you said you stay out of the arena of your wife’s friends and her work, but that absence of leadership is very dangerous, as women get in trouble in those areas more than rarely. This is especially true of work that takes her away from the work of the home, and friends who are a poor influence on her life. You need to make sure she is behaving rightly in those areas, and you show your love for her by doing so. You don’t have to tightly hold the reins, but you set the standards, and keep her on the rails.

      I would fully agree that women are gentle creatures, and deserve to be respected according to their being the weaker sex. A man should treat his wife with gentleness and care. He should encourage her and protect her from harm. Yet nothing in treating her with gentleness precludes disciplining her when she needs it. The firm hand of discipline is very good for a woman, and can quickly turn around bad behavior. Her gentle nature does not change that. In fact, her gentle nature is one of the reasons God has placed her under man’s authority in the first place, because man has the stronger nature, better for leading, guiding, and protecting her.

      It my be nice to say the husband will never have to use discipline if he just marries a woman who is not abusive, but life does not work that way. Firstly, men and women do not always know everything about the other when they get married. Secondly, even women who are clearly not rebellious or wicked, still have bad habits and weak areas they need to work on, and a man’s discipline helps her improve those things. It helps to fix her problems. I’ve seen it work many times myself, as have other couples who comment here. No one is perfect.

      Sitting down with her and giving her verbal guidance is wonderful. That is a very good thing to do. However, that verbal guidance does not exist on its own. Women aren’t always going to respond to a gentle talk with right behavior. That’s why discipline is there as an option, and the man is the one with the authority to discipline her.

      The discipline often accomplishes what gentler forms of correction do not, and accomplishes it more quickly. A husband who leads and disciplines his wife generally has multiple settings for managing her. Those settings include instruction, gentle correction, warning, non-spanking punishment, and spanking. They all come into play. A good husband will regularly be using words to lovingly lead his wife. Yet a good husband will also give her the punishment she needs when she continues in poor behavior. This process works, including the spanking.

      If it is your experience within your circle, that every wife does as she is told by her husband, and gets over her bad behavior quickly, and honors her husband all without the use of spanking, that is fine. However, I highly doubt it is true. Firstly, it sounds like a very broad generalization, which leaves out much of their behavior, including things you probably don’t know about because it’s their home. Secondly, it comes in the context of families, which as you have said, don’t even believe that a man’s authority covers all areas, so much less is expected of wives. Thirdly, I really don’t believe the claim, because I have known enough women, and known enough couples, that I know nearly every woman will need correction by her husband, and very few turn around bad behavior only with some sweet words now and then. I think it’s false, unless you’re talking about a one in a million case.

      Despite the fact you seem to dismiss it, I would give more consideration to taking clearer leadership in your home, and keeping discipline on the table if you think it’s needed. Your wife may in fact desire clearer and stronger leadership from you, and she may feel you are absent from her life in some areas. She may also need the guidance and correction that your authority can give her. Authority and submission is truly natural to marriage, and to man and wife, and will bless the home when practiced rightly and with love.

      You are the one responsible for your wife. You are responsible for her good, her protection, and her virtue. Discipline is fully in line with a husband’s love of his wife, and very many would testify to the benefits. Please give it more thought.

      Take care.

  9. There’s a lot of truth here and I think the spankings will vary depending on far along the road of submission and humbleness is the wife?

    From experience, earlier on in our marriage, more spankings and harder ones (some to tears) was needed. The wife must be trained in spirit and body to submit. My wife didn’t know not to mock her husband to her friends. My wife didn’t know that a homemaker in all areas wasn’t a “nice thing to do” sometimes, it’s required all the time. My wife didn’t know that she needed to serve me sexually. These are just some examples. Over the first few years, lessons had to be taught so that she learned.

    However, now that she has been trained for many years she is, overall, a submissive wife. There are daily small mistakes for which she must seek forgiveness from me – but they are small and so “a light hand” as Aron puts it, is all that is needed. She now craves correction instead of resisting it. She readily admits where she is wrong instead of trying to blame others or me. She is a homemaker, she builds me up in speech to others, and she services me on her knees orally (either I command or she will come and offer just to thank me for providing for our family). She is submissive in most ways so now, I do not need to bring her to tears with a hard spanking very often.

    1. alanrilley Avatar

      Great to hear it’s work out good for you man! Thats great

    2. Yes a new Husband whose wife wasn’t trained in submission and obedience at home has his work cut out for him. I think a Christian husband must make clear to his , wife to be , what he expects and what happens when she is disobedient , sassy , derelict in her duties or displays a bad attitude before they are married. . If she has been brought up as a Christian women she will not be surprised, it’s what she expects. If she rejects this , find another wife. All our daughters were given a good strapping on their wedding day and I encouraged their husbands to also strap them soundly on their wedding night. This starts the marriage off on the right foot and will , I think , make it less likely there will be a need for the new wife to be spanked as much later in the marriage.

  10. meekspirit Avatar

    Thank you for yet another great article, Aron. I am one of those wives that receives “lighter” spankings, I suppose. My husband only spanks by using his bare hand, because he says, it makes both of us feel the connection more intensely. I think you once wrote an article about that too. It might not be as harsh as a belt, but he does it long and hard enough for me to be sore.
    As for me, the punishment of having to be spanked is worse enough. I feel the guilt of having hurt my beloved husband very intensely and this alone is quite difficult for me to deal with alongside the shame of having to be corrected in the first place. Tears of remorse will flow quickly even without the harder kind of punishment.

    1. Hello Meekspirit, Thank you for your comment. That is a helpful explanation of how and why light spankings work for you. I know some women are more sensitive than others, and it can get through deeply.

      I did do an article on hand spanking, and some of its benefits here:

  11. CoTxgrl1983 Avatar

    I believe every woman is different In how they respond. Some are so tender, and some extremely “spirited” (I think that was me). I hope the husband knows his wife so well he is able to deliver the severity that she needs. As you go through the years he will figure out what works.
    I agree with many above that once you get through the training of what is expected by your husband it becomes a bit more routine and uniformed. Sometimes in the beginning you have to almost break the wife from previous behaviors and it is not easy on anyone. Those can be really hard and intense. Once the wife is through that for the most I think discipline is a measured very clear and routined situation. Both husband and wife know exactly how it is going to go on.
    For me personally a hard spanking is important. I mean I get them. I am nervous and scared when I know I messed up. It has happened that my husband has spanked to light occasionally, and I always end up back to talk sooner than when it’s difficult to get through.
    Husband out there we need and want to feel nervous for our talk. We need and want you to spank us hard. Do not be afraid of her crying. Those are by the most cleansing and helpful discipline sessions. Aaron has written about all of this and it is true. Of course in the moment I hate it, it’s extremely hard to get on your husbands lap, feel him pull you in tight and then staying still to accept it and not reaching back. It is very difficult in that moment. Nothing else matters in that moment. The entire reason we are over your knee doesn’t even matter. It’s whatever you say, yes sir, I understand, I will support you. When it is all over you better believe all those things do get obeyed! Most of the time for me, it really did not even matter that much, I was just having a moment. We feel sad and uncared for if you do not follow through, or spank to soft. It feels like you are just over it, you don’t really care or want to be in this lifestyle. When you discipline make it a time you push your wife to a place where she is obedient to every last thing you say. She will be if you spank hard enough. Of course every woman is different. Maybe it only takes a couple seconds to get or there or a couple minutes. Then take it a tiiiny bit further! Everything Aaron said about all this, he says it way better than I, is 1000 percent on point. From a woman who has been married almost 15 years and has been in DD for 5 years. We are still learning too. We have our system, we have our boundaries set, we have our routine if I have to go downstairs to talk to him about a situation. I do believe finding your routine is great.
    Thank you to all these people! I have felt so secluded and alone because nobody we know knows. So it feels so great reading other people’s experiences. DD is the best thing that ever happens to us. It is a way my husband can have control, it has helped me tremendously to get rid of behaviors that were toxic to our relationship. I need and want the help to keep me in an organized and focused place. We have never been closer, he pays attention to everything so much more, he makes better choices, he became an incredible leader. He always was, but this gave him the confidence to really take the reins. He even told me it has given him more confidence at work to be a better leader there.
    So cheers to everyone, I hope you all find the joy discipline in your marriage and family that we have. You are doing great finding what works for you and your wife! Don’t give up and stay consistent. Aaron sayings literally all of this his blog. Aaron thank you for all that you do to keep this going. It’s really been something I need in my life.

  12. My husband is very gentle as well because he said he was brought up to never hit a girl.
    Over time he has given more spanks but still quite light. This is one of the reasons I really like maintenance as it ensures I get enough punishment to keep me grounded in my role as a wife.
    He does like other punishments as well alongside spanking such as grounding or early bedtime.

    1. That’s interesting, Anne. It makes a lot of sense to have the maintenance if the spankings are light, as well as mix other punishments in. Thank you.

  13. My husband never gives me a weak spanking, he always says spanking should not be light or erotic, spanking is disciplinary, it serves to teach a lesson, light spanking would not be effective for this purpose.

  14. Heather Avatar

    As written elsewhere, my husband gave me a light spanking last night. Yet I do still feel the ache slightly today. That ache is freaking AMAZING. I’m trying to figure out why it leaves me feeling so loved and fulfilled. I have been so careful to obey him today not because I am scared of another one, but because I want him to know I take his discipline seriously so he will seriously take his role of disciplinarian seriously and know that I view his discipline as precious. That though I love his correction I would not cheapen it by bratting to him to get it but I will reverence him soberly so that when he sees the need he will discipline me soberly as I ought to be chastened. This is such a holy thing and I don’t want to mess with it. I am too greatful for even my light spanking to cheapen it with disregard for it.
    I asked him permission today for a food order, he had been telling me for months not to spend money without his oversight. Today I had no desire to be defiant, sneaky, or independent. Today I feel so much love and reverence for his gift to me last night. I asked him after asking permission for the food order if I was acting too weird (because submission had not been in our relationship in a long time.). He shook his head and said no. It’s so amazing to me that he is taking my submission to heart and receiving me in it and meeting me here with his rod. I’m so overwhelmed with how good this is.

    1. That’s great to see you are moving forward in submitting to your husband. Asking him permission will be as fulfilling as that ache is. It is a great signal to the soul that you belong to him, and are under his authority. He will mold and shape you.

    2. Heather Avatar

      I thought it worth an update?

      I am so so so grateful that my husband and I have started down this road together. It is such a path of peace and good things. We are trusting each other and the Lord as we figure this out and it’s already bringing us to such a sweet and deep place with each other.

      I have been diligent to obey, or so I thought and enjoying this new place of submission. But that was with me doing the measuring. Last night hubs took that role for himself.

      He buys me these one-serving tea things at the store sometimes as a treat, they cost about $3.50 a bottle. We swapped cars yesterday and he had my car. He discovered a tea bottle in my car that had been there several days and was over half full, gone to waste because I forgot to bring it in. This was enough to evoke authentic desire to take me up on the offer to be disciplined.

      We talked on the phone on the way home and he calmly told me I was on notice that he would be disciplining me this evening. It was the first time he talked to me that way, it felt deep and moving and a little bit tremble-worthy, although more just the commanding of it rather than true fear of what’s coming as he has yet to establish a fear of pain but still, a humbling is there that I loved feeling from him. I was a bit embarrassed and didn’t know what to say but I simply said, “ok.”

      I was texting while driving sad to say on my way home. While doing that in the back of my mind I thought about how hubs wouldn’t be pleased and while I know texting while driving is dangerous and illegal, maybe I should also consider I’m not honoring hubs with it either. But he hasn’t really said anything directly about it (although I don’t do it in front of him) so I let it slip past my new, “obey husband in all things” filter.

      I got home. We were catching each other up on our day and I was telling him about a discussion I had with a friend about something and he said, “were you talking to her on the drive home or something?” Gulp, oh my Lord, why is he asking this? He has never asked me “when” a conversation with a friend took place! I was “deer in the headlights” because I dare not lie to my husband before the Lord.
      “Uh, yeah, sort of.” He saw me hedging and knew he had hit something.
      “What is it? Come on, out with it.”
      What was happening? Oh my word. And then I knew. I was being ganged up on, I had known the whole time texting while driving was dishonoring my head in this new world of pledging my submission to him, and the Lord himself was uncovering me and pushing me into hubs’ hands. I had been working to freely confess so much to hubs but had no plans to divulge this, and I was being made to anyway. I was taken by surprise at my now-cornered state.
      Like having cotton in my mouth I forced out the words, “I was texting while driving, which I thought about you not liking while I was doing it but thought I would not need to tell you about it and here I’m suddenly having to tell you.”

      “Yeah, so we’ll add that to your spanking for the tea.”.

      So, he used the plastic hanger which was definitely a step up from the quarter inch dowel, but still not very fearful when it comes to the pain involved. Still, I was absolutely shivering before and after more from the emotional interaction and he took that as good. The shivering is mysterious to me, I woke up in the middle of the night still shivering when it was plenty warm in the room and covered with more blankets and snuggled up to him more.

      He was initially so reluctant to take on this role but last night after spanking was saying how united to me this made him feel. It truly seals our oneness in a way that’s been missing.

      I did ask him again to not be afraid to hurt me. He said that he is. I said, “please, I need to fear your discipline more than you do.” I thanked him for his spanking but also told him that right now he is well within my ability to manage the pain, and that the real place of discipline will be when I can’t manage it and want it to stop but have to submit anyway, or when I am begging him to stop and have to promise I will never do XYZ again in tears and fearfulness. He said “one step at a time, we’ll get there.” And I said, “behold the kindness and severity of the Lord. And I desire both from you too. Please let your kindness be abundantly kind and your severity abundantly severe.” But even here, with Mr. Light hand, we both do already have good fruit in it.

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