A Wife’s First Spanking

Even a wife who knows that she will be spanked, and who firmly believes in spanking, will feel some hesitancy the first time she awaits going over her husband’s knee. That’s especially true if she was never spanked before, or perhaps if she was spanked as a child, it was so long ago she still feels mystery about what’s coming. She doesn’t know what the pain will be like, and she doesn’t know how she will handle it. She’s even afraid of being embarrassed by the tears she will shed and the shame. A wife’s first spanking will also usually leave the husband concerned about hurting her, and wondering if he needs to start light with her. He doesn’t want to leave her terrified. Many husbands recommend starting light her first time — such as with a hand spanking — although I will explain why I do not. I believe that’s unnecessary. A first spanking ought to accomplish what any other does, and should be as hard as it needs to be.

To make a spanking light out of fear, will leave a few problems. Firstly, it fails to instill the seriousness of the wrong, and let her know you are rightly offended by her behavior. It also doesn’t make spanking much of a deterrent, since she can easily handle it without dread. Nor does it leave her in a sense of full submission to you, which spankings ought to leave her feeling. It was only a step beyond play acting. A husband needs to make sure his wife learns from her discipline, so it should be firm — both as a punishment for bad behavior and to let her know you are in command of her. This is a first time and will set a pattern for others. It sets her direction on being disciplined and learning from it. That’s not to say a husband must go to the highest end possible if it’s her first time, but only that it should be a sound spanking, should bring her to tears, and make her wish she hadn’t stepped out of line. Make it a pattern to follow.

There are several “firsts” for your wife besides the pain of the first spanking. If you haven’t been firmly correcting her with words, it may be a first to be chastised verbally, and humbled in that way. That can be hard for a woman, especially if she’s new to learning submission. She may cry before her husband has begun. There is the first of being humbled by standing in the corner, or being made to kneel. That can be a true challenge to her ego. She may feel ashamed, or angry inside. Approaching the power of undressing for her husband, not for love, but to be examined and whipped, can make her feel far more vulnerable than nakedness does. She is turning herself over to her man in a new, and even deeper way. She is letting herself be possessed perhaps more than ever. It requires some courage, trust, and of course obedience to her husband in the face of any resistance she feels.

My wife’s first spanking, as I relate elsewhere, was very solid. I saw no reason to go light. She was nervous and quiet beforehand. She was in tears during my lecture, and in tears as I strapped her. It did not last as long as some that I would later give, but it was a hard and long enough to get my point across. I took off my thick, leather belt and I gave her the lesson I intended her to learn. I knew it would hurt. I give her more or less the same kind of training these days, even if some of the details have changed, and she now endures some longer ones. A spanking is something to avoid, and an ordeal to experience.

One thing I believe is important is that the man is calm, and in control. She should feel confidently led by you. Do a good job of explaining to her why she needs to be punished, and explain why her behavior was unacceptable. A man needs to show understanding of the situation and self-control. That’s true of any punishment, but it’s especially important when she’s new, and just learning to follow you. It also helps put her mind on what it should be — on her behavior and correction — and not on the coming pain she’ll feel on her backside. Your words help her learn to follow you easily. Give her simple and calm instructions. I wouldn’t get too detailed or complex with the lecturing the first time, but keep it to a few simple points for her improvement. Let her know in brief the wrong and the harm of her behavior.

A new wife, who naturally has fear of what’s coming, should make sure to focus herself on these things — she should remember that she’s going to be guided by her man now. She’s going to let him correct her. He will give. She will receive. She ought to be thinking about why she is there and what led to her going over his knee. Think about the behavior that led there, and not the pain. She can also consider and put into words what kind of woman she desires to be for him, and how she will follow him. Even thoughts like that can grate against what the flesh desires to do, and can grate against the ego, but they will help the wife learn from, and be nourished by her husband’s correction. She should prepare herself in her soul to be shaped by her man.

After being spanked for the first time, it will be harder to process all that’s happened. Being whipped is out of her experience. Your handling her after the spanking is very important. Giving her a good talk afterward, and making sure her mind is on what it needs to be, will help her process a totally new experience. Lead her at the end to a simple lesson she must learn, and a commitment for her future behavior. Make sure she affirms her submission to you. Give her time in your arms, and let her know everything is back to normal — she knows peace now and it is forgotten.

From start to finish, the things that make a first spanking are in essence the things that make any spanking. It is humbling. It hurts. It strips away all protection as she is kneeling and bare. You can also give a hard spanking the first time, but don’t go to the highest end of the heat. Keep your lecturing simple and focused, since she is not used to processing being lectured and spanked. If you think she needs any extra assurance, feel free to give it to her. It needs to meet the aims of any spanking — it punishes bad behavior, provides a warning into the future, and reestablishes her submission to you.

[This article was published a long time ago. However, I accidentally deleted it when I was copying links, and when I restored it, rather than returning to its place, it went to drafts, and from there I could only publish it anew. My latest article is The Crop, which is next in line.]


23 responses to “A Wife’s First Spanking”

  1. […] gentle encouraging your husband to give it a try. As you will hear from others — be careful what you wish for. A spanking is not easy to take. It is humbling and it hurts. Being refined is a process, and will […]

  2. […] and rules in the home, if you have not done that already. For others, it my simply amount to starting to enforce the rules you have already established and finally cracking down on disrespect. I believe the best […]

  3. While I agree in essence, I think the first spanking can also be a learning time for both. Husband doesn’t know how much is too much, enough, or not. Wife needs to be able to process what is now happening, both physically and mentally too, and accept and give in to it. It is far better to do too little than too much, so the first spanking then can definitely become a learning experience rather than “as harsh as it should have been”.

    1. Thanks for the comment, Marie. Sure, if the husband is new to giving discipline, he is learning too. That’s a good point. To clarify though, this article is primarily on it being the wife’s first time, not necessarily the husband’s.

  4. i can’t imagine how to approach a first spanking in a marriage where the wife didn’t grow up in a home where the wife and daughter were spanked by the head of the household. I am sure this is true for many marriages but I never had to deal with this circumstance. I knew my future wife and mother in law were no stranger to a strap my future father in law showed me while he discussed my duties as a husband just before I married his daughter but I had no intention whatsoever of taking his counsel. But as I found out, a young wife who thinks spankings are off the table , and has been brought up in a strict home soon figures out that acting out is a freebie. It took about a year of this acting out and many uncomfortable conversations with my father in law before I was forced to administer that first spanking. Finally coming home to an empty house and a note after a hard day’s work brought things to a head. Even then I couldn’t just spank her, I called her father in desperation. I knew she would listen to him. He came over bringing a strap with him, I told myself OK I will let him spank her. When she got home seeing her father with that strap caused her to start begging not to be punished, she could explain she said , which became my wife’s go to phrase to avoid a spanking many times. He told her, you know what happens now and she said crying yes daddy. He pulled down her slacks and panties and had her step out of them, she offered no resistance , I really thought he was going to spank her and I OK with this. But after he got her bending over the end of couch he handed me the strap and said firmly , “this is your job” So tentatively at first but then quite vigorously I took that strap to her behind until it was quite marked. My wife does not take a spanking quietly, she really carries on. Her being spanked was never a secret in our house, I thought the neighbors would hear. When I finished she danced around rubbing her behind until her father put her in the corner and told her no rubbing. Then we had a coffee while he gave me another talk. That night my wife amazingly , craved to be intimate which we were. This was 47 years ago.

    1. I received my first spanking about two years ago. My husband warned me if I didn’t end the potty mouth id be spanked every day I used inappropriate language. I knew I’d be embarrassed to death and stopped for about a week. Then I slipped on a hectic Saturday
      That evening Ken said ready for your spanking. Nervously I nodded hoping he’d give me a break.
      Ok, jeans off and kneel on that chair bending over the top. With my panties on I did as he said. Looking out the window I asked won’t you pull the blinds? Nope. I knelt waiting and afraid someone could see.
      He came back with my wooden hairbrush. The spanking began. I was embarrassed but glad my panties were on. I could feel my Boston getting hot. Then he said pull the panties down. I did now humiliated. He continued to spank me and I began to weep. When he finished I had to stand in the corner with my panties at my thighs. Such humiliation.

      1. Thank you for sharing your experience, Rose. Spanking can be unnerving the first time. The humbling of a good spanking can always be just as challenging for a woman as the pain. It’s good you were able to shed tears, and followed your man’s direction well. I would not recommend leaving the blinds open though, since discipline is such a private act, and the body is as well. I expect you have learned a great deal in those two years since then.

  5. […] of the multi-colored hues that come from a spanking with instruments can be shocking the first time you see them, but are common, and go away. Any number of instruments can result in some bruising, […]

  6. […] Some couples would regard that many strokes as high, and others see it as around their average. If you are new to giving or receiving discipline, that might sound quite frightening, but remember these are […]

  7. […] written about giving your wife her first spanking, and I’d like to share a few insights into the wife receiving her first […]

  8. […] obvious, would be when one or both of the partners are new to their role as head and helper, or new to discipline. Giving and receiving spankings may seem awkward to them. A period of focused training can kick […]

  9. […] started arguing with me.  I asked her three times to stop and she didn’t.  What followed was her first punishment spanking. I’ll return to that experience later,  what I’d like to explain now is how domestic […]

  10. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    I know I can trace Domestic Discipline in my family back to my great grandparents. Great Grandma was sent to her wedding bed with a red bottom as was my Grandma. I can remember Grandpa spanking Grandma a few times as well. My Father sadly was a drinker and it got out of hand with him especially when he was drunk. His treatment became outright abusive so I shied away from Domestic Discipline until I became serious when I met my 1st wife. We had a good life together until I lost her after 27 years of marriage. We were blessed with only 1 child who sadly was killed in a traffic accident at 18. My 1st wife was spanked periodically when she needed it. Her 1st was just after we were married and her last was a couple years before she passed. Most of her spankings were with my hand but a few more serious ones were with a strap. They were always on the bare bottom and firmly applied. At home she always wore a loose skirt with no panties at my request. My current wife has been spanked fairly often and always on her bare bottom. One difference with her is that she has bladder issues so is allowed to wear panties with a pad unless I want her sexually. She does her corner time standing on an absorbent pad incase she drips. She is also allowed to use the bathroom before a spanking. Both have done corner time with suppositories inserted to intensify the feeling of total control. Both have had anal discipline but very rarely as there are other methods. My 2nd wife is much more sexual than my 1st wife was. My 2nd wife had no children before we we were married and we will not have any due to circumstances arising from illness. We have a good life and love each other very much. She knows she needs a firm hand and always is very repentant after a spanking. Her apology is always given on her knees pleasuring me fully and she sleeps with her glowing bottom pressed to my belly. It works for us.

  11. alanrilley Avatar

    If she’s crying, she’s learning. She needs to understand how powerful her husband is.

  12. tryingtosubmittohim Avatar

    My first spanking wasn’t too long ago and I was shaking with fear. Even though I asked for this life, I didn’t know what to expect, I was afraid of the pain, and it felt very scary. He took me over the knee and used a hairbrush. It hurt. A lot. I cried the entire time and my rear end hurt for several days. But immediately, I felt more peace than ever before. I felt centered. I felt like he was in control of our life and our marriage. That happy glow lasted for several days.
    I worried that he wouldn’t want to keep doing this, but after ever session, he gets more confident (which is such a blessing and a huge turn on).

    1. That is a common reaction. After the punishment is over, there is a wonderful still, and closeness together. The strength a man brings helps a woman know security in marriage. A spanking can even lift things up better than they had been before. Very glad you are both enjoying the fruit of loving discipline.

  13. johnsonjelena45 Avatar

    WOW, Aron, I agree with your advice and recommend to other first time husbands. I totally agree with you — the problems of a light spanking. Mine was at age 23, I bawled my eyes- I didn’t take it well — kicking and screaming.
    I was very sore the day after (like suggested elsewhere). and sore the day after that. Partly because I took that first spanking so poorly, that with in 3-4 hours with my bottom still throbbing and glowing red in the dark, He spanked me again just like the first time– a total repeat for acting so poorly and fighting it.

    1. Yes, a spanking’s got to do it’s job. It’s got to be thorough, undesirable, and a strong deterrent. Plenty of tears is a good sign. Thank you.

      1. johnsonjelena45 Avatar

        They were very undesirable to me, I hated them. And worked hard to avoid them And my bottom was always sore a day or two after – at least. And not said enough. God made the buttocks for spanking. Spanking low on the bottom (sit spot) will do no damage as you don’t break the skin. And low on the sit spot- do make it hard to sit. A word to wives, spanking are something we don’t want but they can be a huge help to our marriages. So grin and bare it.

        [Edited by Aron to remove content inappropriate for this site]

    2. tryingtosubmittohim Avatar

      I have never been kicking and screaming for a spanking. I feel a little nervous for the future— that I might feel like I have to fight him on it if I feel justified in my behavior. I can be feisty and opinionated. But so far, I’ve been broken, contrite, and ashamed. Even though it sounds awful, I’m sure that second one was needed to get his point across.

      1. Thanks for your comment. It’s good you are being humble enough to learn from your corrections. It is usually repeated applications that do the long term good.

  14. when I got married I already knew it would be within a domestic discipleship routine. the first spanking I got was to learn that walking outside the rules would have consequences.

    1. Thanks for your comment. That is one of the most important, and fundamental lessons to learn.

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