Is It Wrong if I Enjoy Spanking?

Men and women involved in wife spanking sometimes get the idea that it’s wrong for them to enjoy spanking at all. If there were any level of enjoyment, it is no longer discipline, the logic suggests. They likewise might think that finding some satisfaction in this intimate act of chastisement means they are doing it only for selfish reasons, and not the right one. While it’s right to be careful of our motives, and while a spanking ought to hurt, there is no need to paint any form of enjoyment as a devil, and flee from it. The woman who finds her husband’s power attractive, and gravitates to it, or who melts at the sound of him slipping off his belt to correct her, is easy to find in wife spanking, and that’s alright. The man who loves the sight of his wife’s body as he disciplines her, and who stands erect the whole time, is normal, and doesn’t harm discipline in the least. When understood rightly, some amount of satisfaction comes along with marital correction.

While we mostly think of the man who enjoys swatting a lady’s bottom, in discipline or elsewhere, it’s true that ladies also long in large numbers to be spanked. They know they need to be taken down a peg sometimes, and the calm power of their man attracts them. It’s natural for a wife to desire this from her husband. Where pleasure would become wrong, at least in punishment spankings, is if the spanking itself were enjoyable and a delight to her. Perhaps that’s alright if we speak of spanking erotically, but a punishment needs to hurt, a punishment needs to deter bad behavior, and a punishment needs to humble. For this reason it WOULD be wrong if pleasure lay in the spanking itself. It would cease to be a punishment. However, if the pleasure lies for the woman in knowing her man’s command of her daily, and experiencing his strength at the time, then the pleasure is rightly there. Drink of it all you want. She may also find the calm it gives her afterward pleasurable, and look forward to the reuniting process, once the correction is over. She may, despite the pain, like the warm touch of her man as she is corrected, or the feel of him against her belly as she lies over his knee. There is much for her to rightly find satisfying in getting spanked, but the spanking itself should not feel good.

The man also would be  wrongly motivated if he were purely enjoying giving pain, or even severe pain to his wife. It would be wrong to be so interested in spanking he would nearly leap at any excuse to correct her that way. However, a man can rightly find satisfaction in giving a spanking. There’s nothing wrong in finding the sight of his wife’s body attractive. or her position alluring. It would seem strange if he did not. Sexual energy during a spanking is normal, especially for the man who is in the lead. He might also find humbling his wife satisfying, both sexually and emotionally. Simply giving a firm verbal correction of bad behavior can do this, and a spanking does it much more. The satisfaction in humbling a badly behaving woman comes from ending that wrong, and from seeing back in her right position, on her knees. Consider for yourself if there is no rightful enjoyment to have the neighborhood prowler caught, or even a vulgar prank caller unveiled. In a movie I once saw two men were in the process of beginning a rape on the street, and the hero approached, with a gun, and shot at them. Tell me you would not leap for joy at that. That doesn’t mean you desire people shot, but that you desire wrongs to be made right. Humbling a lady, while not as severe as that example, comes with some of the same enjoyment, and a very deep form, as she is your wife and you enjoy her most intimate parts. You like setting matters back in order. You find satisfaction in putting away threats. You rightfully find an inner warmth in watching a puffed up lady return to serving her man.

There are people who enjoy the pursuit of pain itself. This would be a wrong way entirely to approach marital discipline. That’s not to say that pain necessarily feels like pleasure, but that giving or receiving pain becomes nearly an obsession, and a personal challenge. Women who long for pain are not only disrupting the rightful discipline process, in which pain is not longed for, but are sometimes motivated by a desire for control, to see how much they can do or take. Just as there are anorexics motivated by control, there are submissive women so motivated. It can be hard to leave behind that desire, since it is so much connected to a desire for order and accomplishment. If anything, I would recommend putting a pause on discipline if seeking out high levels of pain is what she finds in it. Similarly, men may be attached to giving discipline not for natural reasons as I’ve described, but because of a similar fascination with pain, and nearly compulsive desire to control.

I would view finding a demeaning kind of pleasure in the spanking as the wrong kind to pursue as well. It may be subjective how we view what is merely humbling, versus demeaning, but discipline will include the corrected lady being humbled. Teaching her her rightful place, and setting her back on the path are the goals. It becomes demeaning when there is no basic respect there, no limits, and the goal essentially is to tear down and destroy. Some men lust to destroy others, and some women go well beyond ordinary meekness, to self-effacement and self-destruction. If we remember that the goal is to help a human being, one we especially love, and to restore them soon after the correction, we can find a spanking rightly humbling. If there is a lust to annihilate or be annihilated, make someone feel like garbage, or made to feel that way, we take a kind of perverse pleasure. This is not the kind of think that should be enjoyed.

To conclude, there’s nothing wrong with you if you enjoy a spanking. That includes the discipline kind, which is the subject of this website. Spanking for a woman is rightfully alluring in how it displays her man’s rule, and lets her experience his power, and come to a deeper peace and calm afterward. For a man, the attraction is in his woman’s body, and seeing her yield to his strength, lose her ego, and be humbled. These forms of pleasure are natural and not to be avoided. We should avoid taking pleasure in heightened states of pain, or in degradation, but the intimate act of marital spanking can be justly enjoyed for what it is. That enjoyment, and often deep satisfaction, is the natural fruit of the enjoyment of man and wife together in marriage. We are built for each other in more ways than one, including in leadership and submission. Enjoy the beautiful fruit.


28 responses to “Is It Wrong if I Enjoy Spanking?”

  1. This is a very interesting article. While I don’t enjoy physically punishing my wife, I do find enjoyment having her beautiful, naked body either over my knee for a spanking or bent over a couch for a strapping. And yes, I am regularly aroused during the punishment session. At the conclusion of all spankings, my wife must stand in the corner with her red behind on display. This is followed by a mandatory blowjob. What husband would not become aroused at both of these. Nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of.

  2. I again appreciate the validation and like mindedness of Aron’s counsel here as with other articles. I have also concluded that it is not wrong that I look forward to the standard “Thank you blowjob” after spankings. However, I did not come to that conclusion without serious thought and study. To see that conclusion validated here is appreciated.

    As Aron states, I do have to be careful that I do not jump automatically to spanking for the wrong reasons. Over time, I have worked to be internally disciplined to ensure my motivation is correction and submission – not just for my pleasure.

    I also have find that when the relationship is in the right balance that oral service occurs naturally: and is both offered and requested outside of the corrections process. My wife has learned then that one of her responsibilities is ensuring my satisfaction and release in her mouth so that I don’t have to struggle with ensuring spankings for the right reasons. It’s the correct and beautiful process of lordship, protector, protected, and submission in a Godly home.

    Therefore because of both my mental disciple and because of my wife’s constant oral submission ——When I relax after the spanking and my wife is kneeling before me and thanking me with her mouth for correcting her I am able to enjoy the fruits of my labors guilt free. It is her duty to suck and swallow me as a proper thank you for being the godly man she needs. As well, in a sense, it is also my duty to ensure it occurs, be prepared and erect for it, and to enjoy it because otherwise I am not completing the entire process of correction. Submission of spirit ensures there isn’t constant relapse. One the the best ways to ensure that my wife is humbled and submitting in spirit it for her to physically show me after the spanking by dedicating her mouth to oral pleasure, on her knees, humbly and with gratitude for my labor toward her righteousness. Once she swallows my righteous release and accepts it into herself and then verbally thanks me for being able to show submission – then correction is complete.

    Thank you Aron for the continued Iron sharpening Iron articles that both challenge and also validate current practices.

    1. Hello Mr. FS, I’m glad the article helps you in understanding your own system of discipline. The proper thank you is appropriate after discipline, and I find it builds a woman’s submission to her husband to be comfortable serving him orally. She can be deeply fulfilled in it.

      I also stress that sexual service is not the daily norm for intimacy in marriage, but is there for specific reasons and for training. The normal mode of intimacy is mutual pleasure, and intercourse. It’s important not to lose that balance. Thanks for your comment.

      1. Aron,

        Yes, I agree. There should be no mistaking that my wife is some sort of servant or that only I am the one who receives pleasure in the relationship. That is a good point to maintain a balance. To clarify, mutual pleasure does occur along with intercourse – however that is usually at the end of the day. In the morning if I am not working, or when I come home from work is when offering of oral service is expected or I’ll request it.
        Just as she is expected to keep a clean house, take care of herself physically, prepare meals etc, she’s learned this is an important part of her role as a submissive wife. It’s not every day of course, but a few times/week as needed. If oral service occurs that does not preclude or stop intercourse with possible mutual pleasure later. From what she has told me, she finds deep satisfaction in our traditional arrangement of household duties and she feels completion and additional deep satisfaction from serving me with her mouth on her knees on a weekly basis.

        1. Thank you for the clarification. Sexual service certainly helps a wife in growing accustomed to submission, and it helps her to be serving him regularly. The normal course of making love also brings husband and wife in harmony, and can strengthen their headship and submission.

    2. alanrilley Avatar

      Are you verbal with her during the oral service? Like talking amount about the spanking or complementing her submission/obedience or her skills?

      1. Alanrilley,

        I talk to her before the spanking as Aron has recommended, yes. There’s clear instruction on what she did wrong, what should be corrected, and what is expected in the future. Sometimes it’s quick because it’s a repeat mistake and we both know she already knows it. Sometimes it’s more detailed explaining to ensure understanding. She will then repeat back to me the lesson and the correct approach.

        Then the spanking occurs, with her fully naked, either over my knee or on all fours on the floor.

        After spanking, as I have stated before, she will kneel naked at my feet for a few minutes to allow for contemplation of her sin, make sure her attitude is in a serving spirit, and consider what she must do moving forward.

        After a few minutes I will ask her if her reflection is complete. She will answer in the affirmative and then she knows that she must request to service me orally. She’ll say something like: “King (or Lord) may I thank you with my mouth for your correction” I then usually say something like “you may thank me”.

        She’ll already be on her knees, naked, between my legs, I am usually in the same chair at this time, and she remove me from my pants and start orally pleasuring me. During the “thank you blowjob” I do not compliment her or thank her, as she is thanking me for being the godly man she needs in her life. I may give instructions as Aron has mentioned in his oral article. I will tell her to spend some time in my balls if that is what I desire, or to lick this way or that way. I may also just be silent and enjoy the sounds of her thanking me me. If I am silent, she knows that because I am not telling her what I want at that moment – that she will have to service me a little longer to show me she truly desires to have a humble and correct spirit. She does not get praise during the blowjob, I do not say “that’s good” or “right there” or “keep that up”—-the reward and praise she receives is once I have achieved satisfaction, that reward is in her mouth. She then knows to swallow it – again I think this is important in our corrupt world – as to reject that is to reject me- a humbled woman would not do that.

        She then thanks me for correcting her and thanks me for my leadership and thanks me that she is the fortunate one who was allowed to orally thank me. I will then tell her that our correction time is over, she has shown a humble spirit and submitted correctly, and that we are aligned together again.

        Regarding oral service outside of spanking, I may compliment her after she offers — to affirm that she has just shown that she is a godly wife. To offer oral service when I get home shows that she is in the right spirit. So just like a good meal, or a cleaned home, I will thank her for her righteous attitude and spirit. During an “oral service” time I am generally more talkative, direct with my desires, and will tell her when she’s doing something I like. After completion and her swallowing, I do not thank her after. Instead she is required to thank me for being given the opportunity to show her humbleness and submission outside of the correction process, and this one way she shows that righteous spirit.

        Apologies for the length of the answer, I hope that answers your question.

  3. Aron, your blog has been exactly what I needed in my search for answers to feelings and needs previously indescribable. The last two weeks between your posts has been torturous. I laugh at myself as I check multiple times a day for a new post. I have read and re-read all of your articles and the comments with fervor. Regarding this topic, my husband is much more aroused by discipline and punishment events than I. There is a sexual element for me, but it’s general felt prior to and much later than the spanking event. We are still in early stages of this lifestyle, although I have been emotionally submissive to him our entire marriage. He almost always initiates sex immediately afterward, and treats me to intense pleasure that is overwhelming and hard to endure. He requires that I submit to his desire to please me even when it seems to me a separate punishment. Sometimes I cry from prolonged pleasure when I don’t from the paddle. I am totally exhausted afterward and completely his. He loves to have me quietly submit to him in this way and knows that, once I am able to relax, I am completely fulfilled and my burning backside is no longer the focus of my attention. The transgression is forgiven and all is well. There are occasional times when he directs me to please him. Maybe he knows I am thrilled to have a reprieve from my intense sexual training? I am certainly very motivated to make him experience the same ecstasy. Thank you for your teachings. You have been most helpful.

    1. Hello Demhi, That’s great. Thank you. I’m really happy that you are so enthusiastic to read the articles. I want them to be helpful to those just learning discipline, as well as to those who know it well. It sounds like your husband has a handle on leading you and is not timid about correcting you firmly. The sexual element in discipline is nearly unavoidable, and can be used to great advantage, if done in the right way. I am sure you are relieved for that spanking to be over, and for better things to come. Feel free to share your comments on other posts.

  4. Aron,

    There are such contradictions in the heart of a woman who is rightly spanked by her man. I always thought I would enjoy it, really enjoy it, and that perhaps I’d be guilty sometimes of misbehaving just to earn myself another trip over his sexy knee and feel his strong hands on me. The reality doesn’t match my expectations there, though, as I soon came to discover. My husband spanks hard, and soundly, and it hurts me very much. I don’t spend one single moment of my correction thinking to myself how lucky I am to get spanked. Those are hard moments for me, and I spend them bitterly regretting whatever I did to land bottoms up once again. The searing pain and the wave of emotions take my breath away more often than not, and I’m not very good at responding to his questions during the punishment. I can usually manage a “yes, sir” or “no, sir,” but he often has to repeat the question more than once. I’ve sometimes given the wrong answer because I wasn’t able to pay attention and earned myself a few more spanks. I’m working on this. It’s just very hard to listen and process everything that’s happening and stay still and not reach back, all while crying and being mad at myself and bracing for the next spank and wishing it was over already. It’s overwhelming.

    But afterward, there is such peace in my heart and within our marriage. We both know I needed to be spanked. As the pain of the moment fades into a softer ache, a reminder of my debt to him, my gratitude begins to flow. I am newly dedicated to my duties and my service of my husband, grateful for the opportunity to improve. I am more attentive in my prayers, and I truly believe I am becoming a better woman with my dear husband’s help. When I look at him sometimes, when he’s working in the yard or watching the game on TV, and I think of his dedication to our marriage and his loving care of me, his wife, and the way he holds firm to his word, it fills me with an overwhelming physical desire. That tiny bit of fear is explosive in our bedroom, when we make it that far. Knowing he has spanked me before and won’t hesitate to do it again makes him unbelievably attractive. He is courageous and strong, and I am very lucky to have him. Lucky to have a sore bottom and a strong marriage.

    So, yes, I am a woman who is led well by her man and fears her next spanking, but I very much enjoy being married to a man who spanks.

    1. CoTxGrl83 Avatar


      I totally understand and feel you on this. At the very beginning of us deciding to use discipline in our marriage I thought that it would be exciting in a way, and never really something that I would end up fearing and absolutely working to avoid as much as possible! He has grown in his role as leader and enforcer. He is extremely sure and confident in himself at all times. He doesn’t ever have to get to excited or angry because he will handle it before that point. So pretty much he is the kind of man who doesn’t have to say a word but his presence speaks fully for itself! I sometimes do as you explained above and watch him do yard work, projects, and when playing with our kiddos so sweetly, watching TV together at night he will put his hand on my thigh or I’ll lay on his shoulder and he will wrap his arm around me. His hand will be holding me so sweetly and literally my stomach will get butterflys because maybe an hour ago or a few weeks ago that very hand was spanking me so hard I was sobbing and crying! I even find myself extremely turned on when I listen to him on a meeting call that he is leading. Of course he is just talking normal business not speaking upset at all, but basically eveything he does grilling, cooking, making coffee with his strong hands can just make me weak!
      I always have found him attractive! Of course! We have been together for 20 year since I was really young and so was he, but in the last 7 or so since we began CDD/DD there is nothing he does that isn’t the sexiest thing!

      I think when they are amazing men who love their family and wives harder than they punish, then they put our wants and needs above their own, basically when they are just amazing men it’s so easy to respect them, follow them, obey their wishes, and submit to their discipline when they deem it necessary. I know I’m my heart of hearts he will not be spanking me and bringing me to tears unless it was not truly necessary and needed. Not for him for my own good first.

      Look at your husband’s strong hands when he is doing pretty much any task and you will not be able to not have a flash of that hand spanking your butt or holding a belt or whatever happens in your house… and tell me it does not make your tummy get butterflies!

      It’s amazing to me that after being married for almost 15 years I have never found my husband more attractive than I do now. He tells me he loves me more evey year! That’s a really special feeling!

      1. What an inspiration you are, CoTxGrl83! I hope my husband and I continue to find such happiness and joy in one another 15 years from now. Yes, I am proud and thrilled and sometimes a little embarrassed to think of what his hands have done to me as I watch him be the amazing man he is in public. His mix of strength and tenderness is hypnotic. Especially on days when I’m still a bit sore, I will remember flashes of my spanking, and my stomach just flips to think of how vulnerable I am, and how sweetly he protects me. I hope I always have such butterflies for him!

      2. This is so true! I often look at my husband’s hands and think about this. It reminds me of a song that was around when I was a kid called “Daddy’s Hands”.

        Daddy’s hands were soft and kind when I was cryin’.
        Daddy’s hands were hard as steel when I’d done wrong.
        Daddy’s hands weren’t always gentle,
        but I’ve come to understand
        there was always love in Daddy’s hands.

        Of course, it’s taken on a different meaning now, but same general idea applies.

    2. jmcb1429 Avatar

      To the moderator, this is the good one!😉

      Sophia, it is beautiful what you have written. Recently I told my wife that I love her. She answered “I love you too”. I said to her: “even if I spank you? She said “Even more so because you spank me!
      I can’t explain it but it touched me.

  5. mala (wiola) Avatar
    mala (wiola)

    Hello Sophie. What you write is beautiful. Congratulations on a successful marriage with dd elements. It’s wonderful to feel your husband’s firm hand against your buttocks. Feel its power over you. I also always imagined spanking would be Beautiful and sexy, but it’s not. I don’t even have time to think it’s sexy or cool either. I’m not excited about being spanked as a punishment, and I want it to end soon. I can’t relax and enjoy this moment. But I need a spanking to function better. I need a correction and I need to feel my husband’s strength and surrender to him, hide under his wings.

    1. Mala, you’re so right! Every time I’m spanked, I think it’s more than I can endure, but somehow I do. I can’t think straight in the moment, but afterwards, there is such a blessed relief. The tears and the pain, and my sweet husband’s forgiveness are so cleansing. I need to be spanked – despite the pain, I know that I do, and I’m thankful that my man is strong enough to give it to me.

  6. My husband is very strict about mixing punishment and pleasure.
    He believes that effective discipline must involve a hard and painful spank, and says that punishment is meant to hurt and to be unpleasant, and should not involve pleasure for wife discipline under any circumstances.
    It happens that sometimes I feel excited at the time of punishment, for his masculinity and confidence in correcting my bad behavior.
    During discipline sessions he always checks between my legs to make sure I’m not getting turned on by the punishment.
    If he notices any signs of lust, I know I will have the punishment prolonged and intensified, “punishment is meant to hurt and not to be pleasurable” he reminds me.
    We usually have mutually pleasurable relationships, but when I’m grounded, I’m not allowed to have pleasure, so I must satisfy him orally, and if I’m not able to, I’m used through my innermost hole, “Naughty girls only deserve to feel pain.” and not pleasure”

  7. Nurse Beth Avatar
    Nurse Beth

    I would like to say a word regarding sexual arousal during a spanking. This is not evidence that they enjoy the spanking or that the enjoy pain. Certainly some women are aroused by a dominant man and the bare naked bottom of a man’s wife jiggling, wiggling, and turning red in response to a man’s masterful spanks can be exciting to the ,male For the female this arousal is primarily the result of anatomy of the female body.. I suspect most males know that lighter touch of the female buttocks can be sexually arousing but some nerves are deeper in the buttock and are aroused by deeper stimulation as in spanking. Spanking also causes blood to rush to the pelvis and buttocks and therefore the genitals That is why the bottom turns red. This increased blood flow also adds to the sexual feeling during a spanking and it is not something which can be turned off by will. Additionally, for a longer spanking (More then a minute or so) chemicals will be released in response to the pain and these can give a feeling of general well- being.or mild euphoria for the spankee. The large muscles of the buttocks are are well enervated with nerves for both pain and sexual pleasure and it is difficult to stimulate for pain and not stimulate for pleasure in many people because of their proximity. Seeing evidence of vaginal wetness is NOT evidence that she enjoyed it, that it is not hurting enough, etc .If you wife enjoys or seeks our other types of pain not related to spanking such as hot was poured on her back, breasts being painfully squeezed, etc. this is a desire for the pain itself and spanking as punishment when they react this way is likely rewarding rather then punishing. For these anatomical reactions, a spanking that was painful and very unpleasant can still lead to an enhanced sexual experience for the couple afterward before these side effects are gone. I believe others have mentioned why psychological aspects of this type relationship could become enhanced by spanking. I feel I must also make a comment as a nurse regarding including mandatory blow jobs part of the punishment. I would strongly advise against using any aspect of sexual loving expression between two partners as a punishment. Whether it is kissing or a “blow job” this is a freewill gift from your partner to give you pleasure or express their love. The giver receives joy inbeing able to give their partner sexual pleasure or love.. But this can only be so if it is given freely and joyfully by the giver; not as some requirement of their punishment. Likewise the recipient ay receive a blow job or cunnilingus of kisses, etc, as symbols of freely given unselfish loving and pleasure from their mate when it is given voluntarily and freely Making this part of the punishment robs both partners of the joy they should experience with this gift and is a perversion of the reason God gave us theses sexual gifts to share in a marriage. In the end I think we must honestly look into our hearts to make sure we are not “bratting” to get spanked because we enjoy pain and that we are not spanking because we enjoy causing pain to others. Their are numerous articles to help understand these responses.

    1. Dear Beth, Thank you for sharing some of the medical and biological aspects of a spanking. They may indeed play a role in sexual excitement, but I believe the strongest role played is simply by the power exchange, of the man’s firmness, and the woman’s softness. That by itself is enough to provide erotic stimulation. The nudity involved obviously helps as well.

      I would have to disagree that expecting sexual service after punishment is wrong. Not only that, but it’s not really in contrast to sex being a free gift, as you describe, because a woman has freely embraced her submission, and freely desires her husband’s strength and leadership. She affirms that submission and that free desire every day. She understands it’s right to show her gratitude and good behavior after being corrected.

      So if her man tells her to kneel and satisfy him, it is part of a free relationship she belongs to, whether it is after a punishment or in any other context. Just as a man holding his wife down in bed and taking her hard isn’t in contrast to her free giving, having her sexually submit after a correction isn’t either. It is fully in the context of marriage, and of a life of submission, which the woman herself has embraced.

      I hope you can see that.

      1. Thank you for your comments and further explanation. In thinking over these points, I realize that their is an attraction when my husband speaks or directs me with some degree of sternness in his voice. So long as he can be firm and also calm and not angry and yelling it is a turn on. Some part of me automatically responds with respect and obedience to him. (Fortunately, my husband is not the type to be angry and yell which would not have that effect at all.) As I understand it, you seem to see a husband demanding a blowjob as a type of penance after his wife’s bad actions as a part of the whole dynamic of dominance and submission. While I can accept the dominant rougher sex afterward as part of that dynamic since he is basically stating in a physical way that he is the leader, the strong one. and in control. If they are not actually hurt, most women probably find this kind of hot and like it occasionally anyway (but husbands should be aware that if a woman has been raped or abused it could be a trigger for bad memories). I can also understand a wife willingly offering oral sex or another sexual act he particularly likes as a way of saying she is sorry and still loves him and wants to see him happy just as a husband may bring flowers, etc. after acknowledging a mistake on his part. On the other hand, when this is forced or routinely demanded as a part of the punishment rather then a spontaneous act of her free will wishing restoration of the relationship and to show her sorrow regarding her acts and her ongoing love, it is no longer a sexual love gift to him but I fear could become so strongly associated with punishment and penance that it becomes repugnant to her .not just at that time but always…..not a good thing for their sexual relationship unless she is sexually excited by being humiliated. It seems that while it might physically feel good to the husband, it loses it’s deeper meaning in that context. It would be interesting to know the opinion of a sex expert on this but they would need to be open minded to not automatically denigrate this type of relationship from the first. I am no expert on BDSM. and know only what I have read about it, but based on that, this seems, to be something that would be more fitting in those relationships in which humiliation, etc. are a type of aphrodisiac rather then in a normal domestic discipline relationship guided by love .Given that you have explored that area personally in the past, I suspect you would know whether or not that is more commonplace in the BDSM community. Could it be that those past experiences as well as (assuming) a positive experience in your own marital life could influence you to believe that this is universally a good technique in all marriages when it may actually cause harm for many of those just wanting a strong
        DD relationship?. I acknowledge that I may be completely wrong just not understanding all you are trying to say. If so, perhaps one of these days I will get it. Your articles are always interesting and I try to be open minded enough to see if their is anything their that God tries to say to me in them even if we sometimes disagree. I appreciate that you have always seemed patient regarding that.


        1. Hello Beth, I think that’s a fairly good analysis of it. I do not extrapolate only from my personal experience to say this is common among men who spank their wives. It is mainly from my interaction with domestic discipline couples online, as well as reading a great deal of the forums out there. Sexual service afterward is common, but not universal. In the bdsm world sexual contact of various kinds seems common to the point it is nearly universal, and sex seems more on the forefront of the experience, but not always. As I stress, it is important that this kind of service not replace ordinary intimacy, which while it certainly involves some force, is in a totally different context, and is normally mutual.

          For those who haven’t read it, I discuss some of the differences between wife spanking in marriage, and bdsm in this article, although I mention them elsewhere too:

          My intention with the article is not only to point out that some amount of sexual excitement is acceptable during discipline. It is also to point out that couples find satisfaction in other ways; through correcting the wrong, through humbling a misbehaving wife, through a woman knowing her husband’s strength and guidance. The positive feelings attached to a discipline session, (though not necessarily the spanking itself) are manifold.

  8. I loved this article. I do enjoy being spanked as punishment a bit. I accept the pain because I know that I deserve it. What I enjoy is knowing that my husband loves me enough to discipline me. I kneel at his feet after spanking asking for forgiveness and then do my corner time. I also know that I will be much calmer when he has finished. The pain is bad and lasting but it is not as bad as the pain knowing I have broken one of my husbands rules.

  9. Laci O’riley Avatar
    Laci O’riley

    Hi! I’m not very new to CDD my husband has practiced it on and off for a few years now. I am the one who asked to implement it in our relationship because I deeply want to feel submissive to him. But I can’t help but feel like I’m cheating the system. I long for and crave discipline and feel extreme sexual tension when being spanked or when I know I am about to be. The spanking itself hurts to the point I want it to end but I can’t say I have ever felt embarrassed or humbled by a spanking. And I find my self wanting more immediately after. This has me discouraged that spanking and discipline will ever work for me. I would appreciate to know your thoughts on this. Thank you

    1. Hello Laci, It may be that spanking does not do you good. It may also be that it is helping you in being submissive, and in doing as your husband says. However, if you do not come out of a spanking more submissive or obedient, then your husband should make adjustments, or put a pause on using it.

      There’s always the possibility he is not spanking harshly enough to get through to you, since a spanking should not be an experience you want more of, or wish to repeat. He may also not be lecturing you clearly and firmly enough. However, everyone is different, and you may have a different response to this form of correction than other women.

  10. elizaishis Avatar

    I’m glad I came across this article. I have often struggled with the fact that though my spanking punishments definitely cause me a lot of pain and most times bring me to tears I still often find myself sexually aroused and very wet down there which can seem confusing when I am feeling so much pain. I thought it may be caused by excitement at my husband domineering over me but reading one of the other comments below which explained the “biology” behind the arousal sort of made sense to me.

  11. His-bride-Lauren Avatar

    I think I must be in the minority, because I absolutely HATE getting smacked. I feel so stupid and childish, wailing and writhing like a little girl. My adulthood is unceremoniously ripped from me in the space of a few minutes, and it’s mortifying.

    No matter how determined i am beforehand to keep my composure, my husband smacks and smacks until I have broken down completely. And then keeps going for a long time after that. The pain gets so bad that I can’t even think of anything other than the fire and my desperation to get it to stop. I don’t even care anymore about how silly and babyish I must appear. There is no space in my brain for anything other than my burning bottom.

    The pain is truly indescribable. Like the worst possible sunburn, setting your bottom ablaze, along with an ache so intense that you know it will turn to deep bruises soon enough. But worse than that is the emotional pain. The feeling that I have been treated like a silly little girl. And what’s more, the shame of knowing that I DESERVE every second of it. That my pride and defiance have once again thwarted my hard work to submit. My bad attitude, or back talk or disobedience have forced my husband to do this. That I am my own worst enemy, allowing myself to misbehave and getting myself into this mess.

    To say it is humbling is an understatement. My pride and ego are stripped away. And humility and respect are left in their place. I truly do NEED to be disciplined sometimes. No matter how hard I try, I sometimes allow my old personality to show itself. The disrespectful, defiant one. The one that NEEDS to be knocked down a peg or two and reminded of her place in life. I have chosen to submit to my husband’s will. As a man, he is the head of the family and the leader. I do try my very hardest to comply, but I am human, of course I err. I need my husband to keep me in my rightful place, subservient to his authority and wisdom. I do not enjoy it, but I need it. And I need my husband’s guidance to keep me safe from going down a sinful path.

    For his part, I believe he does enjoy it. Certainly I can feel his excitement when I am over his lap. I think he likes the authority over me and the satisfaction of knowing that I am his to mould into a good, supportive wife. And possibly his excitement partly stems from the anticipation of the oral pleasure he will receive when I have been punished. Of course I lovingly accept him in my mouth very often, but there is something about the post smacking session that seems to particularly thrill him. I presume it is my gratitude for his discipline or maybe my humble contrition, but he particularly enjoys a post punishment session with me on my knees, tears still streaked on my face.

    The part I enjoy comes next – he holds me close in his strong arms, we embrace and we pray together for my strength to submit. I pray for forgiveness for my misdeed. We both thank the Lord for all of the blessings we have been granted, especially each other. I always begin sobbing at this point. I get overwhelmed with emotion – regret and shame at how I have behaved, gratitude for being taught a lesson, determination to try harder next time. Most of all though, I’m flooded with love. Love for the Lord and for my husband. And knowing I am so loved and cherished by them both. I feel safe and so so fortunate for that love.

    I have rambled a lot! My husband is working from home today and has read and approved my comment. He seemed surprised in places, so perhaps he has not fully understood before just how deeply I am moved by his leadership. That is entirely my fault, for failing to show this clearly enough. He has not corrected my assertion that he enjoys humbling me, so I presume that he agrees with that statement! Thank you, Aron for this wonderful place to share my innermost thoughts and feelings, without judgement from worldly types and misinformed do-gooders. I hadn’t realised how desperate I was to discuss this with someone, until I found your site! We live in the UK, and it is so very hard (impossible, actually) to find other CDD couples to talk to, especially of our young age. So this truly is a god send, thank you, Sir.

    [edited by Aron]

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      You’re welcome. That is an excellent description of a spanking session, and what it produces in a woman. Certainly many of the women who desire spanking in the marriage are not attracted to the pain itself, which can get intense at times, but to the authority of their husbands, the relief of having wrongs put in the past, and the closeness it brings afterward. There is a deep need to be liberated from wrongs, and from the pride that causes so much harm in marriage. That relief can be exhilarating, even as a spanking is legitimately feared. Perhaps more than anything, the humbling is what affects change in the soul. Being safely back under her husband’s authority, a wife is free to love and serve him better.

      1. His-bride-Lauren Avatar

        Yes, that makes perfect sense and it is how I feel too. The feeling of guilt is so burdensome to carry. Being punished and then forgiven is so cleansing, I feel physically lighter afterwards. That is part of the reason why I always admit my wrongdoings to him, even when he’s unaware and I would otherwise “get away with” it. I’m only cheating myself to lie or keep secrets. The pain of a discipline session is indeed sore, but it is nothing compared with the sorrow of carrying a secret from my husband. It’s nothing compared with the guilt of having wronged. And it certainly is not comparable to the feeling of having failed both my husband and the Lord. A sore bottom and a hard lesson in humility are absolutely insignificant compared to the stain of unpunished sin on my soul. The feeling of redemption that comes from knowing you have paid the price for your sins is so powerful. The feeling of security in being guided by your husband is so reassuring. And, for all that I derive no sexual pleasure from the smacking, I will not lie and say that I don’t enjoy the making up. Being lovingly caressed by the same hands that just disciplined me is so beautiful.

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