That Tender Early Period

As many couples are beginning their journey into marital discipline, they experience with some excitement, as well as trepidation, that early period of learning. For a wife that frequently means more spankings than usual, as she gets used to her husband’s rules and expectations. For a husband, it means some amount of experimentation, of deciding on what kind of a system to use, and eventually of making adjustments. He may even be new to leadership entirely. It is safe to expect that there will be a few humps to get over, especially during that first year or so of learning. A wife’s behind is frequently sore in the early period of discipline. Sometimes she wonders when it will get better.

There is a lot of learning that takes place during these opening months, and several years. While there may be some wives who are fully prepared to submit deeply and to meet their man’s needs, I find that most women do some stumbling early on. It’s not wrong to expect frequent spankings. The bristling some women have towards submitting needs to fade away. Some amount of irresponsibility and childish bad habits also get left in the past, often while over a husband’s knee. She learns during this early period to control her mouth much more. To speak softly. A woman who’d previously learned to boss men around finds out this is now impossible, and she learns how to be sorry for it, and to speak with respect instead. It is a tender early period because both are young and fresh to discipline. It is tender because her behind is tender, as she steps into her new role.

I have spoken to husbands who spanked multiple times in one week early in their marriages. Their wife misstepped time and time again, and spent much of the week sore. Others spank less often due to fewer needs. When I was newly married, I spanked my wife every several weeks. When needed, I kept her on weekly maintenance for a few months, to get her accustomed to stripping, to showing respect, and to accepting correction. Later, after a few years, I spanked every several months, with exceptions of course. I think it’s important for the new wife, and frequently spanked woman, to know it does get better with time. If she puts her heart into it and some work, she’ll avoid getting in trouble the large majority of the time. She should know to trust herself to improve, and to trust her man’s leadership and judgment in correcting her. She’s in his hands, and is going through a period of training, which will help her in the long run.

There are plenty of husbands who believe in starting spanking light. This is because they don’t wish to scare their wives, and they hope they can ease her into receiving harder spankings with time. I am cautious of this approach. If anything, I believe it is important to be firm early on. This is a period of laying down the basic rules, and helping her establish the right attitude to have. It is important that she learn clearly where the lines are drawn, as well as to learn how serious any bad behavior is. A good hard spanking will do this, even if it is her first. It should be a difficult experience that she wants to avoid in the future. In general, I find it good to lean towards a strict interpretation of the rules in the early period. That clarity, and regularity of discipline gets her into the needed habits that will help her later on. She learns respect, obedience, responsibility, and that she will not get away with dismissing your words at all. Give her encouragement and let her know you trust in her to be a good wife, but be strict and consistent so she learns the ropes.

A new wife is also getting accustomed to being in your hands. She is getting accustomed to the discipline rituals and routines (although some will change). It is the best time to learn. She’s getting used to swallowing her pride and accepting correction. She’s learning your usual requirements too — how you expect her to undress, her positions for being spanked, whether she must bring you the instrument, how to address you and respond during her discipline session. She will internalize much of this, and it will help her flow with a correction later. A spanking is typically something to be feared, but she can still develop both a knowledge and a comfort zone with being in your hands. She will learn rightly that a spanking hurts and is to be avoided. She’ll also learn things are better afterward, you still love her, the world did not end. She may come to enjoy the bonding period after, even if the news of a spanking makes her nervous. It helps you set your routines, and it helps her move with them.

Training her sexually is also important early on. Frequency will vary from man to man. Young men desire sex much more strongly, but older men do not neglect it. A wife with a younger husband may serve him sexually every day. One with an older husband every week. Sex doesn’t just complement your discipline of her, but deepens it, and often reaches her in a way nothing else can. Sex can often get past her obstacles and stubbornness much better than a spanking. It can be successful in grinding down her claims of autonomy and her desire for conflict. It puts her immediately, and physically in her place of softness, of openness, and of service to her man. Use it to your advantage. In learning to love to give her body, she learns to love to submit. Nothing could be more important to learn early on in marriage.

Finally, the early period does not merely lay down the rules, or give her a formula to follow. It is a prime chance for her to be helpless over your knee, to be bare to you, in tears calling out — “I’m yours, I’m yours, I promise I’ll be good.” She cries out “I’m sorry sir” and means it. She bares her soul to you.  It’s a prime chance to rid her of false pride and to teach her belonging to you. Naturally, that sense still has to grow and deepen. But she must learn it early, and know what it feels like. You remove her resistance with regular spankings. You humble her in a way that will help her deeply. She gets used to following you — your words and your steps. Greater joy and peace will follow as you move from being a young couple, to a more mature and experienced husband and wife.


10 responses to “That Tender Early Period”

  1. I can’t express how much I wish I had known about DD when we were first married. I was raised to give the utmost respect to our minister, as he was responsible for the souls in his care, and to my husband, who was the head of our home. I have always deferred to his judgement in things aside from day to day tasks, although I have worked hard and have always had a considerable paycheck to contribute. I got his input on decisions, was responsive to his needs otherwise, as well. Once children came along-a few, quickly, I was exhausted with work and home tasks. We have needed my income to grow our business. We basically began to function independently, and looking back, I see how things became so difficult for us. We have a strong marriage, but it is only by the grace of God. I about killed myself doing everything household related, child related and worked full time, all while pretending I was okay so he could come home from work and enjoy the children and his home. I arranged, prepared, shuttled, organized, created and revised plans, suggested ideas to make things work more smoothly, got little sleep and was irritable many days. Quite honestly, I don’t know how I survived. My husband has always been taken care of well and with what I thought was respect.
    However, I only recently realized how resentful, bitter, manipulative, and sometime downright hateful and dishonest I was being. We grew distant. Our kids are grown now and we are expecting grandchildren. I grew tired of feeling like a secretary, domestic servant, and employee, rather than a wife who was valued and cared for as a contributing part of our family. So, I began to look for ways to hold myself accountable for behaviors I wanted to change. I prayed for a renewed passion for a healthy marriage, although loving my husband was never difficult. I found several sites, and this is by far the most helpful. I gathered my notes and presented him with a plan for reinforcement of my commitments and asked that he hold me accountable for destructive behaviors, mentioned before, that were sabotaging our life. We have been using maintenance spankings and counseling since we are working with engrained attitudes and behaviors. We have had a few punishments for inadvertently disrespectful behaviors. With my general mindset and demeanor at a set point to be submissive, I have progressed well and quickly to becoming a softer, happier person, who is no longer so eager to have the last word, make my will known, or complete sentences just because I can. I’m not sure why God gave me the gifts he did to have me not fully use my them, but I hope as I learn to submit to my HoH that I can better submit to His will for my life and fully come into my true purpose. I can honestly say that today I am content to wait and see if there is anything else, and won’t be disappointed if not.
    I guess I’m saying all this to suggest that this process is not only for the young and newly married couples. We are mature, loving, and committed to the next generation. I want to represent God’s desire for us as a family and as an individual. Training my mind and my spirit to trust the Lord is the only way to guard against the power of evil as it penetrates all segments of society. Having my husband as an example helps me to have a tangible way to learn submission to God through submission to him. As we have been together for decades now, we have no secrets, no inhibitions, and are fully invested in our growth. I don’t resist because I desperately wish to transition from independence to fully covered by the strength of God and my husband, as well as from trusting in my abilities to trusting in theirs. We still have issues with my husband’s mindset, but we are communicating well and praying for God’s guidance and blessing of our efforts to understand His roles for us. I have prayed more, served more, felt more truly alive and fulfilled over the last 5 months. We have much work to do, but my trust has been honored with genuine love and guidance. Soon, I hope my input is no longer needed and my gift of submission to him will give reference to the expectation of our full surrender to Christ. I feel like a newlywed. Thank you for your dedicated service, Aron.

    1. That is a wonderful testimony, and I am very honored to have the chance to help you through my website. There are certainly couples that have been married for years that will be new to discipline when they start, and perhaps new to having a husband who is the clear head of the home, or a wife who openly honors him. It’s good to remember there is plenty to adapt to for those couples as well.

      You zero in on where you need help very well. When women and men start to see clearly where the problem areas lay, and handle them with loving discipline, they will similarly see positive results in marriage.

      I am happy for you both you have benefited so much. Bless you.

  2. TxCoGrl83 Avatar

    Demhi that is so beautiful and it sounds like you are a wife I absolutely look up to! I understand how truly to take so much on it’s easy to get resentful! I have absolutely been there and fully understand. While trying to be the best, taking on more than is possible will backfire! For sure! You are amazing though.

    My comment is has to do with being tender not only at the beginning although ABSOLUTELY the beginning spankings are very VERY painful. I think We build up some scare tissue under our butts because what kind of spankings I recieve now would have been impossible for me to take 6 years ago.
    However, Aaron I’m not sure if you notice this with your wife, and if other woman experience this, but I am SO MUCH more sensitive before or on my cycle! I feel like I’m just as sensitive as I was at the beginning. I am
    More emotional and I cry more, I cry easier, and faster. To be perfectly honest I had this experience about an hour ago. I text My husband some pretty rude and short comments, maybe rude is an understatement. I RARELY ever message him this way. Maybe never. I was Overwhelmed. Well I had to accompany him without choice downstairs. He got out the bath brush, which is severely painful. I cried RIGHT AWAY. There as nothing to say except he made me read my text and I was so mad at myself reading what I said aloud and man reading or saying the ugly things you did to get down there while I looked at my husband in the eyes. I laid over his knee and I knew. He started with his hand and I swear To the good Lord it hurt so bad! I cried so hard I could not catch my breath and then he began with the bath brush! He probably did about 20 HARD very fast very hard with the brush! I could not take it! Well I felt Like I couldn’t! This is not even close to how many he usually does! Since I’m on my cycle I felt like it was one of my harder punishments! It’s been so long since I experienced this. I think He realized after that initial burst he did not need to do much more. He typically does measure my punishments with how I am Handling them, unless it’s A REALLY BAD then he does not really care how much I’m sobbing and begging. He is gonna do what he is gonna do! I have Not had to have that in a long time thank goodness. Again, that is because I have learned over the years it’s not something I EVER want.

    So being sensitive can come and go.. also where he spanks you. Higher on the butt and of course where the thigh and bottom connect and the back of the thighs are on a level of their own! I’m writing this this and my butt is literally throbbing. I promise you that I will Be watching eveything I say and being extra sweet. We are cleaning out our garage today so I better Get it together and go on up there! Now I’m gonna be doing it with a sore butt, but a really refreshed attitude.

    1. My husband waits until my cycle is over. It only lasts three days but it’s painful and I’m very sensitive physically. I was spanked during my cycle once in the early days before we had kids and it was very painful from what I remember and I cried alot which I don’t normally do straight away. My HoH noticed and slowed the paddling down as I’d opened up a rude mouth to him. We had slow hand slaps instead while I sobbed over his knee but I had to keep my panties on due to menstrual items on display and in the way if I were to undress and go bare. After that I try my hardest to be sweet and kind in my words. I pray alot more the week before my period because it’s PMS that makes me feel irritated mainly at little chores and the girls sometimes. My HoH has always been a fair man. Strict but fair

  3. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    My 1st wife’s 1st spanking was for no dinner being ready when I got home from work late. I had called her so there was no excuse for it not being done. She got a pretty severe belt spanking with no warmup on her bare bottom. I had her sobbing and begging for it to end, and I took my time giving it to her. Many of her spanking involved a soap stick suppository as an added punishment and she was taken anally to make her know that she was totally submissive to me. She did not require as much spanking as my current wife who will be receiving a spanking when she gets home from shopping. My 1st wife was never spanked before we were married but my current wife knew that she would be spanked as I had given her a couple of spankings before we became man and wife. A wife who is spanked regularly is much more respectful than one who is not. There are boundaries and when they are crossed there is corrective action to remind her of them. After the things from shopping are brought in and dinner is prepared, she will be spanked with the strap and stand in the corner with her red welted bottom showing. I will eat while she is displaying her bare bottom to me and after I finish my meal she will clean up after me still fully naked. She will then eat and shower before she thanks me properly in bed. Her bottom will glow for a couple of days, and it will remind her about doing things in a timely manner.

  4. […] command his wife in what she needs to do, either for him or for the whole household. He may start slowly and simply at first, but he will take command of his home, and start to put things into order. Including the […]

  5. johnsonjelena45 Avatar

    I do want to confirm your writing. I the first year of marriage, I was spanked very frequently- most often twice a week. He had a strict interpretation of the rules and very very consistent with enforcement. Not only was I his bride but also his employee at work (he was my boss). . And he required me to set an excellent example at work- I was always being watched, if had done me share or if he was showing any favoritism. Other employees didn’t know his home discipline style. But I can say this if I was a few minutes late to work, I got spanked that night. If I got into a argument with another employee, I got spanked that night My bottom stayed sore at times and he had no problem blistering my already sore bottom. Each year of marriage my spanking got fewer and fewer, but it was a gradual process.

    1. Thank you. That is a rare situation among marriages, and I don’t doubt seeing him at work inspired you to be careful about your behavior. I’m sure you’ve put a lot of effort into making sure you don’t get spanked as often anymore. That’s a great improvement.

      While I’ve never had my wife as an employee, I have had her assist me on a number of work-related projects, and she knows she is just as responsible then as the rest of the time. I’ve only had to spank her once for failing in her work assisting me. It was a matter of putting off her assignment, and it earned her a very serious spanking.

  6. My partner and I are new to Domestic Discipline, so we are currently navigating these waters. He seems to have a problem with consistency of discipline, though. Can this get better over time? I really do want to be a submissive, obedient wife to him, but it’s something I really struggle with, and I crave a firm hand and guidance from him.

    1. Hello Renee, Thank you for writing. Consistency, and firmness of discipline can get better over time. It is normal to need to make adjustments. Most key is that your husband understands he is the authority and is responsible for you. Once men see clearly their position and responsibility, that helps makes sure discipline happens and is sufficient.

      If you feel he is letting you slip on some things, or is not firm enough, you can gently let him know your needs. Explain why you need a firmer hand and how this will both help you, and help him manage you. There are some men who have trouble getting over the obstacle of hurting a woman, which they’ve been taught never to do. Understanding and experience with discipline can help him learn that a woman often needs more regular and hard spankings.

      Here is my article on consistency, if you have not seen it:

      If he is willing to speak to someone about guiding you more firmly, you can ask him to write me as well.

Leave a Reply