Spanking is Not a Lifestyle

It is easy for the new married couple to take time to adapt to having discipline in their marriage. In fact, to apply it to your life, for a husband to lead and correct his wife, and for a wife to follow him fully and with her whole heart, takes understanding and is aided by experience. There are two common ways people stumble at this. While one common error is to feel trepidation about using strong authority, or to have fear over the pain of a spanking, the other extreme is not rare either — the couple ends up making an entire lifestyle, or entire relationship, out of rules and spanking. Their life becomes soaked in them, making regular marital interactions more difficult. This is where the young couple needs to remember that spanking is not a lifestyle. Marriage is their life and marriage is their commitment, and should be for the glory of God. Discipline is only a tool therein. It does not exist for its own sake, or because it’s thrilling. It’s only there to aid when needed.

I’ve written before on the topic of keeping discipline subordinate to the broader context of marriage, and also spoken of some easy misuses of it, but I’d like to work with the topic again, and with a look at common misapplications. I find that while overdoing discipline can happen in a variety of ways, it most frequently is rooted in not keeping the eye on marriage and fulfilling all the goals of marriage. That includes spiritual leadership and growth, leading a virtuous home, sharing each other’s burdens, loving one another, bearing and raising children, serving in the Church and serving in the community, putting food on the table each day; if these are not a center of attention, then the focus can become something much smaller, such as discipline. The same is true of other smaller parts of home life that can become overly important. Once a couple stops making the priority the incredibly valuable job they have as a family, it’s easy for anything else to nudge it out of the way, and become too central. With discipline, and the often enthusiastic response many people have to it, the danger of becoming too grand is significant. It can never be led by my selfish desire, or done for personal fulfillment. It is only a tool in guiding a wife when she needs it.

Some married couples I have heard from feel nearly obliged to try out everything in the discipline tool box in a short period of time. That toolbox is full of useful activities. But not everything needs to be done in a short period of time. To see what you need to use, start guiding your wife and setting the standards of the home first. In areas she needs guidance, you discipline her for those areas which are most serious and trouble causing. Other areas you manage with talking, or more gentle correction. Build your marriage, and your home life step by step, and apply discipline when you truly see the need. You will do some experimentation early on, not only in how you guide your wife, but also in the rules you have for your home. You will make adjustments. You will get used to the challenges and how to deal with them. It’s not meant to all happen at once.

Nudity is an extremely attractive factor for a lot of couples. Yet there is no obligation to practice this a large part of the time, and if a man kept his wife nude much of the time, it would not be the normal relationship they are supposed to have. It would in fact get in the way of their relationship. Nudity may take place in love making, or during a spanking. It may be used in limited time periods for training. However, a relationship is not built on nudity, which unnecessarily sexualizes daily activities for husband and wife. Sex and sexualization is not for all time, even for the intimate marriage union. We relate to one another on an emotional, spiritual, brotherly, and warm level most of the time. The sexual element should not be coming in strongly but for specific purposes and specific times. Therefore, the fact having your wife undressed can be used to train her, does not naturally mean she does not normally wear clothes. Of course she does.

Men also have a tendency to overdo sex in marriage. This can come across by also overdoing a wife’s sexual submission, or using sex too abundantly in teaching submission. Not only is such abundant sex necessary to teach a wife submission, but like any other imbalance, it can get in the way of the relationship, and overly focus a man on one thing. That will weaken a man in the long run. Sex being as pleasurable as it is, both emotionally and psychically, is also easy to use for purely selfish purposes. It is important to use self-control. A man should be capable of controlling his passions when he wills. Fasting from sex, just like fasting from food, can also help keep man and wife away from being dominated by their passions. Moreover, when the focus on nudity or sex is for the purpose of teaching submission, it can take away from ordinary making love, and being able to express fond emotions through intimacy.

Maintenance spanking is a useful tool as well, but also one that can be overused or over relied on. You should not feel obliged to spank so regularly. It is a form of training, and can be valuable. However, it could cause trouble if used without a visible need for it. It could confuse a wife about her behavior, or make her think she is always failing. It could cause her to view her marriage as too full of rules and punishment, and not see and value the love that is there. I would not advise spanking as training without apparent need or clear benefit. Similarly, and even more so, boot camps are in no way obligatory to discipline. They are there for when intense, but short periods of training are needed. I’ve never done one with my wife, and I manage her well, and she behaves well most of the time. Even when used, boot camps are typically short, being several days to a week. To make it much more time consuming could be over burdensome, and ultimately pointless. There is only so much learning and discipline anyone needs.

Don’t feel bad if you fall into any of these pitfalls. It’s easy to do if you have not practiced either headship or discipline before. Make adjustments to bring things back to the norm for a marriage relationship, which itself can vary somewhat from couple to couple. It’s not bad to get an idea of where the norm is for other couples, just to see how it works out in more experienced homes, and among the general community. Spank for bad behavior, and do so thoroughly and consistently. Don’t worry about the small stuff. Keep your eye on the goals of marriage, and its daily joys, and not on discipline. Let it come in where it is needed. Live a happy and fulfilling life, not a spanking lifestyle.


39 responses to “Spanking is Not a Lifestyle”

  1. Wondering Avatar

    Oh my word! I think this is my favorite article yet! This is EXACTLY what I’ve been thinking. Marriage is so much more than just rules and punishment. I’m so glad you wrote this! Thank you!

    1. It’s my pleasure, Wondering. I wrote it as a direct response to what I sometimes see in marriages. Be blessed.

  2. ThatWifeLife Avatar

    Hi Aaron! I’ve been a reader of your blog for well over a year, but this is my first time leaving a comment. I just want to say that I appreciate your common-sense, normal, loving-relationship, approach to marital discipline. Your approach is closer to how my husband and I live our life than any other blog/forum I’ve found. It’s not about being a micromanaging control freak. It’s about using God given authority to bring Him glory in every aspect of life. Thank you for being one of the more “sane” sources for marital discipline out there. Blessing to you, your wife, and your children!

    1. I’m really happy to know that. Thank you. I spend much time putting up the website, and responding to readers for that reason, and because I sincerely want to help marriages. God will be glorified in them. I know yours must have plentiful peace and joy.

      1. ThatWifeLife Avatar

        Yes, we do have a peaceful, joyous marriage. We’ve been married 12 years and have 6 children. I stay home and homeschool, but I also bring a little money in with my home daycare business. He works full time away from home. We both serve in our church. I tend to be a lot harder on myself and expect more perfection from myself than he would ever expect of me. He’s kind and loving, and most of the time leads me gently. I’m his treasure, and he makes sure I know it. However, disrespect, failing to submit, and disregard for the house rules must be dealt with when it arises; so it is, and we move on in love.

    2. jmcb1429 Avatar

      Absolutely. This blog is a very good tool. Thanks to all the women who participates to this blog by leaving their impressions, I learn alot reading you.

      Thank you Aron, your pages are very helpful.

      1. You’re welcome. I’m very glad the articles are helpful to you.

  3. Shropsgirl Avatar

    Love this article! I have to admit we dip in and out of this blog because whilst we love the articles; some of the comments show that a few of the husbands have absolutely no care, love or respect for their wives. It really upsets both of us to think that some women live that way under the false pretence of DD. Hopefully this article will get through to those tyrannical husbands who confuse leadership and discipline with control and bullying.

    1. Thanks for your comment. I leave room for some variety in the comment section, including a few things that are out there, and a bit of hate mail too. You should see some of the comments I keep out. I hope the website is a helpful resource to you anyway.

    2. obeysubmit Avatar

      A woman who understands the value of her husband will not find it hard to kneel to serve him food or wethever
      any way we should respect people’s culture and ways because it will always be different from ours as long as something is not hurting someone then we should not judge, expecting people to adopt something that caters to our own conscience, in itself is wrong.
      I am a Submissive obedient wife I kneel down whenever my lord orders me so but my lord spend Almost an hour eating so i couldn’t wait until he finishes , a Submissive wife can explain that respectfully to her lord as I did and everything is OK

      1. Dear Obeysubmit, Thanks for your reply. I believe that kneeling is a good expression of submission. There’s nothing wrong with a wife kneeling before her husband, or a person kneeling before any other authority. I appreciate the strength of many African marriages. However, the practice you describe takes away mealtime as a chance to talk and enjoy a meal as a family, and for that reason I find it goes overboard.

        Mealtime as a general practice involves the family being together and speaking, so bold expressions of submission, however good they are, should not be so lengthy as to simply take away this part of family relationship. I have my wife kneel before me as well. Yet we always have meals together when it is possible.

        I hope that sheds light on the subject for you.

      2. obeysubmit Avatar

        Dear Aron, thank you, I appreciate the attention you are given To family mealtime,i can see the points , it’s really an opportunity for family members to come together,being together is a large reward for any family.

      3. Obeysubmit you truly understand your role as a woman ! How did your mother learn to accept her role and teach you and your sisters to obey and serve men ?

  4. marriage is a life long commitment
    An agreement from man and woman to respect and love and help and support each other, and as any kind of organization family requires rules ,restrictions and authority figure to work effectively and smoothly, the man is always the lord
    And woman should always be his submissive helper, if she refuses or fails in
    performing her role ,it’s a man’s duty and right to bring her back to her subordinate position ,these modern feminism societies which forbidden any kind of authority and structure and discipline within families and treat HOHs as criminals just because they want to protect their own families are the reason why people are talking too much about spankings ,I lived in Africa for 5 years , I noticed that woman being disciplined is very normal and popular, it’s even the norm , I once myself saw a woman working on a field getting spanked , the other women continue their work normally as nothing was happening, i asked later they tell me that he is her husband so for them it’s normal , one of my best but feminist friend was with me and she went directly to the woman to talk to her, my friend was totally shocked when the woman told her he is my husband i should obey him but I failed this time , I think i deserve more sever spanking and she smiled .
    I think western men are thirsty of any kind of submission from a woman to feel a tiny bit of masculin pride and women are oppressed in their own natural feminity,
    They know throughly that spanking is just a tool to ensure harmony in the family and if they discipline for training or for relieving stress, they do that to enhance the femininity of their wives which is totally oppressed nowdays

    1. Thank you for your comment. That is true. Spanking has been common in many societies for thousands of years, and is still normal in some non-western cultures. Africa is a very good example.

      It has taken generations of indoctrination, threats, and harassment to drive spanking under the table, as it is in the West. Otherwise, it has a normal and natural place in marriage, and is also commonplace in punishing criminals.

      However, the distortions caused by feminism should not lead anyone to distort marriage themselves, and focus too much on rules, punishment, or harsh expressions of dominance. We follow what God has made marriage for regardless of what others do wrong. Otherwise, we commit a wrong ourselves.

      1. Yes , Africa is really a great example especially in rural areas women are well trained to please their men ,do all the housework without complaint and never fight back if men slap their faces or spank their bottoms,they are docile and obedient, soft spoken , they bow and kneel while serving their husbands food and remain there until they finish, I remembered my friend telling them
        after spending hours cooking you also have to kneel to serve it ! ,this is slavery !! one more educated woman replied firmly yes and we remain there till they are done, submission builds a peaceful marriage, we are subservient and feminine ,we believe all women should be that way, your western culture destroys africain marriages, my friend’s face was red,I told her that we should respect other people cultures i think she learned great lessons in africa i even noticed some changes when she told me later that she can kneel to serve but waiting is impossible, this shows how human being can be affected by the pervasive culture.

      2. Shropsgirl Avatar

        I’m sorry but this is [what] that the article is trying to dispel. That IS slavery! Eat dinner together, talk about each other’s day, laugh and joke, look into each other’s eyes and LOVE EACH OTHER! Kneeling on the floor is ridiculous… it’s not submission it’s subjugation which is very different.

        [Comment edited by Aron]

        1. I would consider kneeling all the time during an entire meal to be excessive. Kneeling and serving your husband are both excellent expressions of honor. Kneeling was a normal way to honor an authority until modern western culture abandoned it. We could learn a lot from African marriages in this regard. However, to kneel during such a long time, in a way that destroys the opportunity to have a meal together and talk, stretches its purpose too much. It is indeed a distortion, especially when done all the time.

      3. Shropsgirl Avatar

        I apologise if my comment was a bit too feisty. We loved the article because it really addressed some of the key issues we’ve had with the site. It is so abundantly clear that you love and respect your wife and so do some others. Then there’s other regular commenters that just make us both shudder and see two of them commenting here after your attempts to dispel those behaviour made me so angry. If I am honest I’m partly angry at myself as I really thought they would take on board the article despite my husband saying they wouldn’t and they would completely miss the point. Obviously my naivety strikes again showing me how grateful I am to have my husband! So again I apologise for my feisty response.

        1. That’s fine. It is considerate of you to apologize. We should all be able to reason fairly and respectfully, and explain ourselves. The most important point is simply how to express both the love, and the authority in marriage. There legitimately is some variety in how to do that.

          I know some comments on the site lean towards an extremely harsh end, and others are purely bdsm, but the overall character and tenor is simply discipline in marriage. I do hope to steer the more aggressively dominant relationships to more balance and depth. Other commenters virtually speak with the same voice as I. But I allow a variety. Blessings.

    2. obeysubmit Avatar

      Shropsgirl as long as woman kneel to give blow job you have no point

  5. I think why there is so much focus on discipline these days is because a lot of Christen wives have rejected the Bible’s teaching on their proper place and the mores of the day are an obstacle for a husband to properly train his wife. Wives, even wives brought up correctly, are not naturally obedient they need to be trained and tamed. Of course, there much more to marriage than this.

  6. Mr Aron, I am a submissive wife and I agree with most of your words, except I don’t agree fully regarding maintenance. I can certainly see that what you write her applies to many, it doesn’t apply for all. We practice maintenance, and I truly am grateful for it. Maybe because I don’t get into trouble requiring true discipline all too often, the weekly reminder is good for me. It’s not as intense or as severe of course as a full punishment, but it is a clear reminder of what could happen and how to act. As well, it gives me reassurances that my Sir is still committed and paying attention to me, the good and bad, as well. It is reliable and I can count on it. So that’s my opinion and I just wanted to say I think maybe many who practice maintenance might also feel this way too. Hugs, Marie

  7. Susan in florida Avatar
    Susan in florida

    Aron – thanks fot your article. I cant say at what point maintenance spankings are overused. But from my perspective, I feel better with a definite schedule. If I dont know when to expect it, or even if it will happen at all, i have been prone to feeling I’m not getting enough one on one attention. I like thec eassurance of knowing when, where, and how. Then i can get in the right frame of mind, and show im fully engaged, and not taking him for granted either. Its not necessary for me to be spanked to tears every time. But it should be sometimes. I like the ritual of submission. Undressing when told. Fetching the paddle if its not barehand. Staring straight ahead, and resisting the urge to make a fuss, unless I’m actually overwhelmed. The kisses and embrace afterwards. Every woman needs to feel that her partner is strong, wise, and assertive. No woman can be attracted a to weak, dumb, and indifferent man.

    I also get erotic spankings, and impromptu ones where im told to pull my pants down immesdiately after ive done something wrong. Maintenace spankings cover my emotional needs which fall between those other two activities. And i can look at the calendar and know exactly when.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Susan. Yes, many wives find that maintenance spanking helps keep them focused on what they need to do, feel submissive to their husbands, and avoid trouble in the long run. I think the line is drawn in terms of how much they are needed and how useful they manage to be. They certainly shouldn’t be viewed as a necessary accessory.

  8. It can be easy to get out of balance especially in the beginning. But for us, discipline doesn’t motivate the rest of the relationship but our roles do. There are certainly times where we experience friendship and companionship but most of our interactions flow out of my husband’s leadership and hopefully my soft response towards it. Sometimes that involves discipline but mostly, my HOH leads because he cares and I follow because I trust that he does care.

    1. That’s a very good way to explain it, Elsie. Thank you.

    2. TxCoGrl Avatar

      This is totally how I would describe our home too. Spanking is a big deal, but it by far does not over shadow it’s reason. Which means a home with lots and lots of love, calmness, structure, fun, lots of fun, all the things in between. I know for us there was much more chaos, and less joy. Even with a physical discipline our house was more intense. That is not a good sign. I see So so many friends living this way. I could not be more grateful we found this. It truly has helped me on every level possible, which has of course made me a better Mom, wife, woman, friend, honestly eveything. So yeah, i believe it should not be the center, it is an outlier. A very important one… I mean if I think about it, it does cross my mind at least once a day… crosses my mind, helps me make better choices for myself and my family. It makes me think twice, for a while it was not enough, when we first started (6 years ago). That is NOT the case now. My husband knows exactly what needs to happen… so when I walk past that second thought… I know exactly what will be happening. It’s scary and stressful sometimes when I made a choice I fully knew was gonna end up downstairs…. But again it’s 1/100th of our time, but man that is PLENTY for me to continue to grow and not be able to turn back! I do not want to, but it helps me when I struggle.

  9. Aron, as ever you seem to know just what is going on with us!

    My partner’s mother moved in with us for a short while. That meant that I was extra aware to be modestly dressed in the home as I would be outside. My partner will use nudity to train me, but he definitely kept it to a minimum while his mother was with us.

    Interestingly, while we did have one disagreement while she was staying with us, she said to me you need to go over your man’s knee and my partner spanked me for that

    1. Hello Lucy, Thanks for your comment. In this culture it’s pretty rare for parents or parents in law to be involved in the marriages of their children like that. I know in some other cultures it would not be so rare, and a parent could have a married daughter punished easily. Certainly it needs to be up to your husband to deal with discipline himself, but if you behaved badly to his mother, it is natural that she complain. Punishment really should not be over a mere disagreement. It should deal with significant wrongs such as disrespect, bad mouth, or disobedience. I know it can be difficult having family stay, but you make the adjustments you have to. Make sure to treat his parents with the respect that they deserve.

      I would not say I know everything that goes on with you. Just a few things.

  10. To talk about what it looks like for us, I think my partner had fallen into a habit of using nudity as a punishment. So if he was punishing me, he would say, while you are doing chores you have to do it topless.

    While his mother was been with us, obviously that is not an option so he has been spanking me twice a week rather than once a week

    1. Hello Lucy, I do not meet too many couples that use nudity as an actual punishment. Usually it is for training in submission, or for a discipline session. However, I can see if it were unattractive enough to a woman, it may seem like a punishment, but I hope it would not seem so difficult. Man and wife can quickly learn to be undressed around each other with comfort.

      I find a spanking is much more of a punishment. It is something that should hurt, and is difficult to face. I do not generally recommend regular maintenance spankings, unless there is a real need, or ongoing problems in a wife’s behavior. But some believe in them strongly, and find they prevent future bad behavior.

      It’s never easy managing discipline when someone is staying with you, whether family or not. I have had to give spankings with visiting family in the home. We just do our best to keep quiet.

  11. Debbie_L Avatar

    I can agree wholeheartedly with your statement, that discipline is only a tiny part of any healthy relationship. There are friendship, love, mutual interests and many other things that should come first.
    However, I suggest that marital submission has it’s place, even if there currently is no reason for discipline.
    I have certain rituals that I follow, that remind me of my place several times a day without becoming childish micro-management. Some of that rituals were demanded by my husband, some I developed myself and my husband later added them to my set of rules. Things like getting up and standing with my hands behind my back when my husband enters the room or stands up (or I enter the room he is in), and only siting down again when he acknowledges me with a nod or leaves again. Always wearing a dress or a skirt and blouse and a cardigan (even on a hot summer day or on the beach). Letting him take the lead when we go out. Asking permission to leave the house. Acknowledging a command or any statement that doesn’t require an answer other than “yes” with a short curtsy instead.
    Yes, those rituals – other than our other rules – do not serve a specific, rational purpose. They do not keep me safe and healthy, they don’t really make our lives easier or more comfortable, yet following them makes me a better wife without even the thought of discipline. We can laugh and cuddle for an hour – yet, the moment my husband gets up for whatever reason, I have to perform my little ritual and stand up like the obedient little woman I strive to be.
    Rituals – like the African woman kneeling while her husband eats mentioned below – are sometimes an end in themselves and can’t be understood with a purely rational mind. Yes, my husband can take me out to a fancy restaurant any day of the year, but I’d be a bit dissapointed if he didn’t do it on Valentine’s day.

    1. Thank you for your explanation of the rituals in your home. Rituals can be very helpful, whether in expressing headship or submission, or simply expressing love. Those are very good, simple ones, that can be done quickly, and serve their purpose. I also make sure that I lead and my wife follows me when we are out some place. If we have to speak together at some office or to an agent, she knows that I do the speaking, and she should wait until she’s asked specifically to speak. Standing up is still an expression of respect for an elder or authority in the West, although it’s not as common anymore. Those who don’t already use such rituals will find them helpful if they start.

    2. You seem to have a very blessed marriage, love the ritual thing!

  12. I don’t think it’s any secret that I was eager to be spanked by my husband, and desperate to ensure that discipline would be an ongoing part of our marriage. I’m just a woman who knew I needed it, and I thank God that my sweet husband, in his infinite wisdom, agreed. While it was much harder than I expected, my husband’s guidance and his punishments have shaped me just as much as I hoped that they would. But now that spankings are no longer a novelty in our marriage, their importance has shifted, and they mostly remain a quiet presence in the background of our lives. Our love, my husband’s firm leadership, and the child growing within me occupy all of my thoughts. But that wouldn’t be possible if I hadn’t listened to my husband and grown from his lessons. The memory of the sting of his belt keeps me focused on the priorities of our home and away from silly distractions or temptations. They help me eat a healthy diet for our child, when I used to be a junk food queen. In that sense, it’s almost like they’re serving their real purpose, in a way I couldn’t see when they were so frequent. The possibility of a spanking is always there, but that simple knowledge helps me be my best self. I can depend on my husband to bring out his belt when I need it, but most of the time, his loving leadership is enough, as it always should have been. I’m not arrogant enough to think I’ve earned my last spanking (and I don’t think I really even want that to be true if I’m honest with myself), but it lives underneath the surface of our marriage now and isn’t the main focus.

  13. I have some medical things coming up, so all physical discipline has been put on the shelf for now, to make sure there are no possible bruises I have to explain to anyone.

    A few weeks ago and my husband and I first started embracing this together I think I was utterly obsessed. I so appreciate his intimate understanding of my moods and personality, I asked him so many times if I’m being too weird or if I’m too obsessed or if I’m making this too much the focus because I was talking about it constantly. My wise beloved reassured me over and over, he said that he knows I get intense about whatever I’m learning and that I’m still trying to figure out how this fits into my world and that it will settle out eventually into the right place and that he didn’t mind that I was overboard for a little while focusing on this because he felt like it was a needed stage for me and us to go through. We might still be in that stage 😉

    I am still seriously overwhelmed and the realization comes to me about how badly I have yearned to be loved by someone in such a way that they would also discipline me as needed. I told my husband the other day that I had been wild and unruly and he agreed with me and held me tight. I feel like I need a lot of discipline right now, I tell my husband please do not be afraid to discipline me too much, please be afraid to not discipline me enough. Having opened this part of my heart to him there is this deep pain of having needed to be loved in this way for so long.

    I’m sure we will eventually settle out to where discipline fades more to the background. Right now I have been freshly bruised, not without meaning and purpose, every few days. Each sore spot feels like the most gracious gift, the most potent reminder that I am loved and that I am being kept, and as those spots now fade so that I am ready for my medical stuff over the next few weeks, I feel so disappointed at the momentary loss.

    Someone today asked if I could come help out at an event soon, I told her that I would have to wait until I could ask my husband, and that I am in a place of focusing on radical submission to my husband. So far everyone I have told that I am submitting to my husband, never mind as I have told no one I am being disciplined, only that I submit to him, most folks have reacted with umbrage. Several friends reluctantly accepted my declaration, stating that they are happy that my marriage works for me in whatever way so long as I don’t think others need to submit to their husbands. But as I told this woman that I would have to hear from my husband before committing to serving at this event, I felt like I was adorning myself, regardless of whatever she thinks, with something that is now suddenly very precious to me – being one who is openly in subjection to my husband. I want to honor him, now that this has been unleashed I want to honor him with everything within me, except what is reserved for the Lord himself. And I am continually being reminded that there is not much of a competition there, but I submit to my husband as unto the Lord, that part of my worship to the Lord is my deference to my husband. There are so many things like this tangled up in one another, so many things to understand of all the things I don’t understand that are going on in my heart these days. I am overwhelmed that my husband receives my submission and embraces it, that he does not find it silly or despise it. I am overwhelmed with relief and gratitude to find him growing more and more happy to even require it.

    This is one of the most profound things that has ever happened to me. Aron and posting these blog entries for us to find, you have been such a friend of God and a friend to us, whom you don’t even know, and it is articles like this one that remind me that in all the twistedness that is available in the internet to satisfy desires for discipline and submission, that there really is a write context and righteous path through this and that there is something of God and the right way in the midst of all that confusion.

    Your measured calls for people to keep what is important in perspective, makes clear that you are not some obsessed BDSM spankophile masquerading in some Christian guise, but instead one laying out the unperverted beauty of God’s heart for marriage embracing, all the depths of true male headship and true female submission in it’s rightful context.
    I know hubs and I don’t have that balance worked out yet, but as we fast from discipline for a while, while yet preserving our newfound roles of my subjection to his leadership, hopefully that will be another stage in our discovery of whatever our new normal ought to be. I do hope however that the wait will not be long. I am not in it for the pain, but my heart yearns so much to learn its new place, especially in the midst of my beloved’s careful chastisement. Again I don’t understand all of this swirling within me but your blog has been a gift for which we are both grateful as we try to sort and walk all of this out before the Lord.

    1. Thank you Heather. I am very grateful to be able to help you, and others with the writing. It does take a lot of courage to tell others you need to ask your husband, and that you need his permission. It’s great that you do that. The world still may see the man’s headship and the wife’s submission as one alternative lifestyle among many, but there are many more women and men yearning for it that we would imagine. Getting it out in the open is one good step. Bless you.

    2. I could have written this comment, I am a married woman for many years and have just introduced this to my husband. I am exactly like you talk about heather.

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