A Beginner’s Guide

I want to make things as easy as possible for visitors to this discipline guide to get the best help possible. We do have many visitors who are new to wife spanking, or who just are curious and want to learn, and I often wonder if it’s hard for them to find the articles which are best for beginners, and which simply cover the basics. Apart from spending much time scrolling, I think it could be a challenge to get to those articles, especially since the website has so much content now. I do have a list of articles divided by topic on the About Page, but not everyone uses it.

For that reason, I want to put together a simple beginner’s guide here, one which will cover some of the basics of marital discipline. This guide alone is fairly long, and it’s a judgment call which pieces to include, but I think it can be a help to those looking for how to start. I’ve got some articles on the reasons for wife spanking, the benefits of the practice, how to begin, as well as many on the simple mechanics of it.

I don’t want visitors to get overwhelmed by the flow of information on the website, or be confused. You can’t absorb or put into practice everything at once. You’re not going to see how everything falls into place until once you begin. The links below should guide you in some of the basic practices and principles, to focus your learning. Of course the hyperlinks in the article will take you to any number of different subjects too.

I am truly thrilled at the number of couples just beginning with discipline in their marriage, and I see how this nearly always leads them to better live out their roles of headship and submission. I am heartened hearing your stories, even though there are going to be obstacles in starting. I hope this beginner’s guide helps you all.

The Benefits:

Why Use Discipline: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/08/whyusediscipline/

How Spanking Helps You Every Day: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/18/how-it-helps-you-everyday/

Make Her a Better Woman: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/05/01/make-her-a-better-woman/

Joy of Marriage: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/05/10/its-a-wonderful-life/

How to Start:

Spanking in Marriage: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/08/spanking-in-its-rightful-place/

Start Spanking in Marriage: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/08/how-to-introduce-spanking-in-your-marriage/

How to Ask your Husband to Spank You: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/05/16/asking-your-man-to-spank-you/

Steps in Starting Discipline: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/05/25/starting-discipline-in-the-home/

Her First Spanking: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/07/07/a-wifes-first-spanking/

Three Early Rules: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/11/27/getting-started-three-early-rules/

Steps in Turning a Marriage Around: https://spankingyourwife.com/2021/01/29/steps-in-turning-a-marriage-around/

Getting Past Early Resistance: https://spankingyourwife.com/2022/02/18/making-it-past-early-resistance/

Spanking Mechanics and other Basics:

What is a Discipline Session: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/08/what-does-a-discipline-session-look-like/

Rules: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/08/crime-punishment-what-to-spank-for/

Spanking Instruments: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/08/spanking-instruments-making-music-together/

Mindset of Discipline: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/08/the-mindset-to-give-discipline/

Why Women Want to be Spanked: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/08/why-women-love-to-be-spanked/

What to do After the Spanking: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/11/restoring-her-after-a-spanking/

Non-Spanking Punishment: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/15/non-spanking-discipline/

Dealing with her Tears: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/15/tears-during-a-spanking/

Spanking Positions: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/18/well-positioned/

Giving Spankings to Train: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/24/spanking-as-training/

A Spanking Should Hurt: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/28/hard-and-long/

How Often to Spank: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/05/01/whats-the-frequency/

Lecturing During a Spanking: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/05/04/speak-to-her-soul/

A Spanking is on the Bottom: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/05/10/that-really-hits-the-spot/

Nudity During Spanking: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/05/10/woman-uncovered/

Signs You are Not Doing Discipline Right: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/05/28/signs-you-are-not-doing-discipline-right/

Safety During Spanking: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/06/03/better-to-be-safe-and-sorry/

Cornertime: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/06/21/on-standing-her-in-the-corner/

What Makes an Effective Spanking: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/07/15/what-makes-an-effective-spanking/

Counting Strokes: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/07/25/im-counting-on-you/

The Verbal Correction: https://spankingyourwife.com/2021/02/06/the-verbal-correction/

Experiencing Remorse: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/09/26/experiencing-real-remorse/

The Need for Consistency: https://spankingyourwife.com/2021/02/20/the-mighty-consistency/

Consent in a Spanking Marriage: https://spankingyourwife.com/2021/04/09/consent-in-a-spanking-marriage/

Trust: https://spankingyourwife.com/2022/08/12/trust/

Headship and Submission:

Lead Her Like Christ: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/06/05/leadership-like-christ/

Leading Her with Words: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/07/03/leading-her-with-words/

A Wife’s Submission: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/10/17/submission-of-the-bride/

Living out Submission: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/11/07/practical-submission/

There is No Such Thing as a Dom: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/11/21/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-dom/

Spanking Makes Men Better Leaders: https://spankingyourwife.com/2021/08/27/how-spanking-makes-men-better-leaders/

Congratulations to our readers from Slovakia, which made it to 4th in visitors recently, despite being much smaller than most of the rest. I hope many homes are getting straightened out right now in Slovakia. Peace and happy marriages to you.


13 responses to “A Beginner’s Guide”

  1. Wondering Avatar

    Wow! Thank you for posting all those links to make it easier for people! I’m sure it took a while to do that. Just wanted to say “thank you” for all you do. I know I appreciate it!

    1. You’re welcome. I certainly want my work to bless you and others.

  2. Heather Avatar

    Thank you Aron for this library!

    Today makes a week…. A week! since the Lord used your blog to convict me and thus turn around my marriage.

    I got the belt for the first time last night for usurping his authority last week in a certain matter. He is still cautious and very afraid to hurt me, but slowly he is trying things out. I am so so grateful to him. And so grateful for every ounce of his discipline.

    Why is this so utterly satisfying? The peace is so tangible and overwhelming, for both of us. I have been brought low and have relinquished full control to him of everything I have ever fought with him for. And rather than feeling oppressed, it feels like perfection and wholeness.

    I embrace him interrogating me about things of importance to him instead of resisting and defying. Things he would ask me to do that seemed annoying and unnecessary and nitpicky now are the delight I of my soul to defer to him in. I used to argue about not being heard enough and feeling “oppressed” , now I eagerly submit to the new commands we agreed I must always immediately obey and that he weilds readily enough, unafraid to take me up on being in charge; the words “don’t argue” and at times “be silent” are now my guards. I used to hate commands in scripture for women to be silent, now I will embrace my husband’s command to be silent whenever he chooses. I have no fear now that giving him all the power will detract anything from me at all, submitting to him has become it’s own sweet reward. How did we get here? How did this happen? How have I been blind to this? I want nothing more than to be fully under him.

    I am not to spend a cent without his permission. The world would say this is abusive, to me it is coming under my husband’s authority instead of the chaos I have wreaked on our finances.

    I am no longer to use the imperative tense and speaking to him even about small things, “hand me that bowl.” No. They says even if it feels clunky and I’m natural to find a different way to speak in all times. I am glad to learn to obey this.

    I feel his authority again. And it feels like life and peace.

    I see women online who believe in submission talking about how much self denial it takes and how much of a cross it is to bear, but that’s not what I’m living at all! I’m in love with my husband and I want him to rule over me! I am fulfilled in his headship over me and more and more as he rises up to exert and expect it from me. It’s not self denial, at least not in some sense. It is ecstasy and fulfillment, it is what I have longed for in my deepest parts for my whole life.

    We went to bed last night after my discipline and I whispered to him, “let the righteous strike me, it shall be a kindness. How much more so my husband.”

    He turned and replied, filling me with his words, “blows that wound cleanse away evil, and strokes make clean the innermost parts. ” We chatted a little more and then he wanted to sleep, and commanded me, “now be silent. ” And unlike any time in the past, I obeyed.

    All of my friends have difficult marriages. I’m now trying the best I can to tell all my friends to obey their husbands, although just like me before a week ago, my friends considered doubling in this a little bit, but it seems so radical to grasp the full surrender this actually invites. My heart is guarded over and over by the phrase “in everything. ‘ I love that phrase and repeat it to myself over and over now, ” in EVERYTHING. ” How did I get here? It is nothing short than a miracle from God. I don’t ever want to go back, I want to obey my husband everyday we have together on this Earth.

    Thank you Lord for everything you are doing in my husband and I, and thank you Lord for Aron. Aaron, my husband not requests I read aloud certain articles you have written, God bless you for your teachings, and thank you for being willing to stand in the fire against this culture to share them.

    1. Thank you for your comment. How you speak to your husband is one of the keys in learning to show respect, and learning to submit to him. Your speech gives him the proper honor, and it also reminds you regularly of your position. Once you weave these daily ways to express the relationship into your life, it will become less and less of a struggle to softly follow your husband. It really changes the mind and heart.

  3. DDdreamer Avatar

    Hello, Aron. I’m one of your big fans and I just want you know that I’m really appreciate your efforts and you are influencing over here even in South Korea which is small country in Asia. Although I’m from different country with different culture and different religion(I’m buddhist), I think husbands should lead their wives and I’m learning lots of things from your posts. It’s probably impossible for me to follow genuine DDlife because I know nothing about Lord and Christian, but I hope it would be meaningful in its way.

    It’s shame that I’m not married yet, but I have boyfriend and we are practicing dom-sub relationship and he loves it. I hope the day he discipline me comes quickly!

    There are quite people in Korean twitters who are interested in DD, so I introduce your website to them, and one of them says she already knows here. I was so surprised and at the same time I was pretty sure there would be many people like me reading your posts quietly but enthusiastically with google translations lol.

    I hope more men&women and husbands&wives from worldwide practice DD so that they find true happiness in their marriage. If it’s the Lord’s will, you are probably the prophet who shares knowledges and experiences.

    I’m afraid you might not understand what I say but I did my best :’) I want to ask for your understanding that English is not my first language. And, please keep writing. Thank you!

    1. Hello Dreamer, It’s very good to hear from you. Thank you for sharing my website with others. I love to hear from like-minded men and women in other cultures, who respect that the man leads the home. I appreciate some of the cultural differences that come into play as well, in how the roles of man and wife are expressed, and in how discipline is done. I have noticed an increase in readers from South Korea, and like you, I desire for many more couples across the globe to respect that marriage includes the man’s leadership, and learn what a good tool that discipline is.

      I would encourage you to find meaning and purpose in this relationship within marriage, and not outside of marriage. It is almost the norm in contemporary culture for intimacy to occur outside of marriage, but this is wrong, and is destructive. This is especially true since the roles of man and wife really cannot be imitated outside of marriage. It will always be unstable, as the unity and stability of marriage is lacking. Ultimately the man is not meant to be a “dom,” but a husband. The woman not a “sub,” but a wife. That is where those roles are made real and fulfilled. It is also far less risky. Please get married soon, and you will learn about this relationship much more deeply.

      You certainly don’t have to be a Christian to practice discipline, or to enjoy the benefits of leadership and submission. Much of it is universal, found in nearly all cultures, but I believe the Christian way fulfills the purpose of marriage more greatly, which is itself a witness to our faith. More than anything, I would only desire you read the New Testament, and learn who Jesus is, and what He has done to save mankind from sin. It is through trust in Jesus that we can have peace with God forever.

      Pick up one of the Gospels, and learn about Christ. https://www.blueletterbible.org/nkjv/mat/1/1/s_930001

      I certainly hope to hear from more readers from your country. I have used online translators a few times in the past, and they don’t seem too bad. If they allow people across the globe to comment here, that would be great. If someone posts a comment in their own tongue, I can try and put it through the translator on my end.

      Feel free to comment on any of the articles here. You can also write me at my e-mail which is on the footer or the About page.

      Take care.

  4. Aron-
    Today I was talking about wanting to submit to my husband with a group of people and someone told me that if I’m submitting to my husband and letting him make decisions, that I’ve really created a parent-child relationship with him, and that it might feel good to me but that I’m depriving him of a true marital partner, as well as putting undue stress and pressure on him to be “the adult” in life for both of us. She didn’t even know that he disciplines me which I’m sure would have made her assessment even stronger. It was humiliating to hear this from her because my husband is quite a bit older than me and people sometimes judge women who are married to older men as having a “daddy complex,” just for being married to someone who is significantly their elder.
    I can just imagine that if she judges me be playing the role of a child because I believe in being submitted to my husband, what would she think if she knew he was older than me and that he spanks me? Please save me from this court of human opinion. 🙁
    I really was speechless in the face of this. What would you say to somebody who says that a wife submitting to one’s husband means the man is being deprived of a fulfilling partnership of an equal marital partner, and that she is playing the role of a child?

    1. Hello, Do not let yourself be shamed. People like this likely have been taught this since they were young. They have been taught to look down on and ridicule submissive wives, as they most likely also ridicule homemakers.

      She feels good about herself in putting others down, and pumps up her own worldview, which she believers makes sense. Many women have never really had the opportunity to understand what men and women’s roles are, or what marriage is really about. That reaction, however insulting, is par for the course in this secular world.

      Of course the inconsistency of such attacks ought to stand out to anyone. It is a meaningless insult when you insult a woman as a child because she submits to her husband in marriage, yet do not insult as children those who submit to their bosses, or to the rule of law. Logically, if a woman is a child for submitting — as the Bible teachers her and her nature affirms — then everyone on the planet are also children, because everyone submits to someone else.

      It is part and parcel of feminism that a woman is demeaned by submitting to her husband in marriage, but is not demeaned by submitting to her boss at work, being at his beck and call, being corrected under his scrutiny, fulfilling the tasks he gives, and having to please him daily. That radical inconsistency tells anyone looking that calling someone a child is nothing more than an insult. She is just offended by the way you live, and trying to put you down.

      There are authorities. There are people under authority who do what they’re told. People only complain when it’s a wife submitting to her husband. Yet authority structures are good, so long as they function rightly, and each person fulfills his responsibility. They provide for harmonious functioning, peace, and the general welfare and protection of those under authority. It’s not a psychological disorder to desire order and authority. Far from it. It’s just called human nature. It’s a structure that pervades all human societies and is fulfilling.

      There are women who formerly thought that way, who no longer do. Sometimes it amounted to gaining enough maturity that they were willing to recognize the differences between men and women. Sometimes it was having the natural urge to submit herself, and then following that urge and finding out personally how good it is. Sometimes it was coming to faith, or gaining some pieces of knowledge that made all the peaces fit. People with that attitude can and do change.

      Just be humble before the Lord. But no one can bring you down by calling you a child. You are an honorable and virtuous woman for submitting to your husband, and likely for other reasons to. Your virtuous womanhood makes for a better world.

      Don’t be ashamed to share the truth. Keep speaking it.

  5. I’m not really sure which topic this could belong to so I thought this would be a good question to ask here since this is a general thread about everything you’ve written. My dad has dementia and it has me wondering this:

    What does submission look like in a wife when her husband is incapacitated, and the wife needs to take charge and make all of the decisions for the household and even the husband? For instance if a husband has a medical problem or even dementia and he certainly can’t lead his wife at that time, and definitely can’t discipline her. If a woman finds herself thrust into such a leadership role, how does she stay under him even while he is not able to lead her and she is having to lead everything instead?

    I just thought maybe you would be able to share some thoughts on that topic.

    1. Hello, That’s an interesting question. I haven’t given it much thought, although I know such situations exist. A wife would simply have to maintain her submission to the degree possible considering his disability. She would still seek to help him and to please him in every way. She could still respond to him in a meek and gentle way.

      It also may be that the disability is something that comes and goes, as it does with some people, so she may be able to defer to his will at least some of the time. If not, she just does her best to decide what is best, and what he would decide, if he were still able to communicate better. Often after being married many years, a wife has a very good idea of what her husband would want most of the time, so she could stick with this.

      If anyone else has other suggestions, I’m sure they could help.

      Take care.

      1. In our family we had a situation like this with an aunt and uncle. Uncle was definitely the head of the house all throughout their seventy-plus year-long marriage — that was never in doubt. He was one of those “larger than life” people; just an all-around great guy, and his wife was likewise. They raised eight children together — four boys, four girls, right split down the middle.

        But as he entered into his eighties, dementia began to set in until it was impossible to ignore it. His wife tried to help him through it until it became obvious he no longer knew what he was doing or saying, and she had to take on a more motherly role towards him. She had some help because she was elderly also, and needed a break from time to time — their children helped, and they also had a home nursing service come in. Uncle fortunately didn’t get to the point where he would wander away and forget he was home, but in such a case as this of course, you need professional help and sometimes a nursing home is your only option.

        He would get frightened if he couldn’t find Auntie at any point, unless he was with one of his older sons whom he recognized. He usually recognized all his children, it was only towards the very end when the only people he recognized were his wife and their oldest daughter. Auntie loved painting and took classes in painting at the local community college (LifeLongLearning passes that make classes free to seniors), so she took him with her. She’d tell us how she would ask him to hand her paints and brushes and so forth, and all the other people taking the class looked out for him. He liked getting out and she said that he always looked forward to getting an ice cream cone that she’d buy him as they walked home from the painting class. 🙂 That was their ritual — art class and ice cream.

        I know she was sad and missed him as he was, but she was so motherly and gentle and kind to him as his mind grew more and more like that of a child. We were all present at his death, and he just went to sleep in her arms, like a tired little boy, and she was stroking his head and whispering to him how much she loved him. It’s one of the most beautiful memories I will treasure always. They married when he was 18 and she was 17, during World War II when they had no idea if he’d come home. Three days for a honeymoon, and off he was sent to the Pacific theatre. Survived without a scratch, lived to get shipped off to Korea not long after, went to college on the G.I. Bill, taught high school history and was the football coach. We will never forget him as he was, and as he is now since he is now restored in Heaven. Auntie is 100 years old now, still doing very well, but she does miss him terribly. Fortunately she is not too far from some of her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and they visit her frequently at her 55+ senior community, where she has many friends and help when she needs it.

        Hopefully this may help show how a wife showed love and respect towards her husband in his sunset years.

  6. Thank you for the article and the clarification. My fiancé also punishes me, but he still seems very insecure…Admittedly, I am also a difficult wife. I’m very defiant and cheeky, I often don’t make it easy for him. We still love each other and have been a couple for a long time. perhaps can you write an article with women who are very stubborn and where it is more difficult to punish them? I never get on my knees either. That doesn’t make it easy for him. But I can’t see him as a leadership position. I feel so bad. I would like to show him and help him to handle a wife like me.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      The first thing for a wife is to do her part, which is to learn to show respect, and to be submissive in all things. That needs to be a wife’s goal apart from any discipline she receives from her husband. She needs to speak gently and obey without resistance. You may also ask your husband to be firmer with you. Many men are hesitant to be too strict with their wives, or to give them long and hard spankings. If his discipline isn’t getting through to you, it would be advisable to ask him for stronger discipline.

      Getting on your knees before your husband can also help you get into the attitude of submission, as well as of contrition when you are to be punished. The physical position itself can inspire the soul towards showing greater respect. It will help you learn your position better. Kneeling is a good position for a wife to use, whether during a punishment or at other times to learn greater respect.

      I do have an article on very rebellious women, called Humbling a Rebellious Woman. Your difficulties do not seem as severe as the ones I address in the article, but it may still offer your husband some ideas.

      I hope that helps.

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