There is someone who has been inspiring and encouraging me about the state of marriages. That someone is my dear readers on this site. That’s you. I have been regularly pleased to hear positive changes coming to marriage, as well as men and women who become open-minded and even passionate about applying headship to their home. Not everyone succeeds. Some have problems beyond their control. However, even those who have failed were trying to reach the mark, and that matters. There would be a sea change for the good if your righteous change in attitude also occurred among the majority in this society. You are doing the right thing.
In the over two and a half years I have been running Spank Your Wife, I have seen several couples get married. Praise God. These couples either had decided on discipline for their marriage, or were at least moving in that direction. While I did not see their weddings, I rejoiced with them in spirit, and thank God for bringing them together. Usually, having the right attitude — one that respects headship and submission among other things — will help us in finding a spouse, and moving quickly down that path. It also helps in finding another partner who is virtuous, and who is God fearing. Deciding on discipline before marriage helps avoid trouble later on. It avoids the difficulty in having to bring spanking into the marriage after years of accepting a different way, and letting problems go unaddressed. I feel very confident in the marriages I’ve seen come together, because they have a right foundation. Both man and wife accept, embrace, and feel passionate about their role in marriage.
I’ve also heard of the good behavioral changes in marriage, due to applying discipline, or applying it more consistently. Some of these fixes happen very quickly. Others happen in steps over time, with real setbacks which need to be overcome. A wife learns to be careful about her mouth. She learns much better to speak with respect to her husband. Wives are corrected for their irresponsibility as well, and quickly are rid of their laziness or procrastination. Wives who misused the household funds are held accountable, and need to defer to their head now. Spanking, as anyone who practices it will tell you, produces practical results in marriage.
It has been delightful to hear from several formerly feminist, and career minded women, who understood they needed their husband’s headship. I’ve had several women who would consider themselves strong willed and independent tell me they know they need their husband to rein in their behavior, and they subsequently turned to him for help. They now accept his authority over them, and receive spankings for their bad behavior. Mouthy women are getting spanked as we speak. Women who disregarded their husband as leader are now submitting to his decisions, asking him when they need permission, and being corrected when they break the rules. Women who lived for fashion and for fun are learning to dress modestly instead, and accept their husband’s rules about what entertainment, and which friends are good for them. These ladies took a step down from independence and from pride, stopped arguing, and learned to submit. That is a great victory. A woman’s mind often rebels against a husband’s authority, but her heart usually knows it’s right.
Likewise, I’ve seen husbands learn to lead their wives and discipline more consistently. Those who already had a formal headship took control more firmly, something their wives had been needing. A woman without firm leadership can feel lost. Husbands became clearer in their verbal commands. They learned to spank when it was earned, and not just once in a while. They went from giving milder, unfulfilling discipline, to delivering a fearsome spanking, which cleanses the soul. They established rules in the home, started making sure to lead regular Bible study, and even brought a higher standard for their children as well. Their wives learned to heed their words. They learned they can trust in their man to lead, and that he is watching over them. Essentially men stepped up to their role and started living with the authority they have.
Some of you have also managed to bring spanking into your marriage after years of soft leadership, or even egalitarianism. You got the courage — and it does take courage — to have that talk with your spouse, and talk about why leadership and discipline is needed. Usually that was a wife who asked her husband to lead, and with patience over time, found he took up the role, and began acting as her head. Sometimes it was a man, who saw the ongoing problems in his wife, saw how appropriate discipline would be in that situation, and presented his wife with the solution. He began spanking her, and was rewarded with a changed woman. Bringing up the topic, whether during the marriage, or before it, is never easy. To make it work after years of marriage is especially challenging, and I am very happy for those who have. These are not fantasy stories, my friends. They are real lives turned around.
Another great story I love to hear is of those wives that learned to serve their man sexually after he took charge. It is extremely common that sexual intimacy is inspired by leadership and discipline. So too is it common that a woman learns to enjoy serving her man in bed. This service can be deeply delightful for a woman. Barriers that existed before get broken down. A wife who never liked doing something now does it regularly, and often loves it. As if it were a rule of nature, spanking inspires many women toward sexual submission. Men learn quickly to take charge of their women in bed as they do elsewhere. Husbands who rarely got it before, have their women going down on them frequently now. Any barriers to intimacy, or to sexual service, have been blown down, so to speak. There is power, passion, and the right order in the marriage bed. Some couples went from a complete lack of affection, to impassioned intimacy.
The women I’ve heard from who are now being spanked are pleased with the rewards, despite the fact there really are hurdles to get past in the early stages. Even if they still have some prideful resistance. They find the fruit far more important than the passing pain. They have deeper closeness with their husbands now. They feel safe with him making the decisions, instead of them. They feel cared for. They experience greater passion towards their man. They find they really respect him for the first time now that he’s in command. Those feelings are what a woman longs for. She cherishes them. It’s not at all what secular, worldly attitudes will provide, but it is what the right order from God provides. It fulfills the needs of both men and women. It provides practical solutions, fruitfulness, and peace inside.
I’ve also seen a few couples fail to overcome the challenges that come with headship. I’ve seen a few suffer from large, ongoing problems in their marriages. Some women are still waiting for their husbands to respond to their pleading for him to lead. Or to lead more firmly. One woman who desired spanking in her marriage is finding being disciplined very hard, and feels a lack of connection after she is spanked, but she continues to move forward. A few have still be too shy to introduce the subject to their husbands or wives. They wait for the right moment, and just can’t find it. I don’t consider any of these struggles a real loss, and I know that with the right steps, and with perseverance, nearly anyone can reach the goals of discipline. No special skills are required.
I’ve sadly heard of two cases in which a couple separated. One was a result of many years of various marital problems boiling over, with destruction coming from both parties. Another was a result of a woman who returned to her previous rebelliousness, and rejected her man’s decisions for their home, and the new more godly lifestyle they would have. Previous problems could not be contained or resolved. This kind of ending is dubious testimony of the fruit that comes with accepting modern western values. Those values are corrosive to marriage on many levels. God can heal either of these wounds, and I pray that He will. Usually if you see failure it is because of one of two things: a gross misuse of authority, or an inability to get rid of worldly values and live by different ones. The harmony that marriage is meant to be cannot function, and a few people choose to sever it. However, reconciliation is always the aim with a marriage, as long as it is possible. Forgiveness of your spouse is mandatory.
The large number of successes we’ve experienced as a community confirm what you and I can both know: Headship, submission, and discipline is in conformity with our natures. It fits how we are made as men and women. It fits with the paths God calls us to walk. It can be successfully achieved by anyone, as long as you have patience and are prepared to deal with passing obstacles. It produces fruit — both from the leadership being applied, and from the spankings which direct a woman. There is quite immediate, as well as long-term change for the good. I want all my readers and visitors to know that. It does not take special skills to do, and its difficulties do not amount to incredible hardship. Just follow in the path God has given us, and enjoy the peace and closeness it provides. Let the old life fade away, and embrace the new.
Congratulations to Kenya and South Africa, two African nations which appeared a number of times in our top ten visitors recently. I’d love to hear more from our African friends in the comments section. Wife spanking is still very common in large parts of Africa, from what I’ve read. It can be found among Muslims, Christians, and Animists — both in big cities, and in small villages. Some of the cultural differences in how they approach spanking are interesting, and we could learn from them.
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