Bad Behavior in Public

Husbands who have been leading their wives for a while generally know well how to handle any bad behavior by her in the home. They have an array of weapons, from instruction, to warning, to immediate discipline if the moment warrants it. For many couples this has become routine, and much is known and expected. However, out in public, responding the bad behavior comes with different challenges. The main reason for this is that the public views marriage as egalitarian, or at least views headship of a very mild kind. The public also views discipline of wives, even the non-physical kind, as dictatorial and abusive. That means a wife will need to be on her best behavior in public, and a man will need to use at times different strategies in responding any bad behavior.

First off, any wife should know that bad behavior, or disrespect of her husband in public is an especially negative mark upon him. She should never want to make her man look bad. She should never want to make herself, who represents the marriage in her own way, look foolish or unrighteous. Her behavior represents her head and her home. She should always be aware of this. She should be conscious of being self-controlled, gentle, delicate in speech, and kind in her manners. No husband should worry that his wife will fly off the handle in public. It makes him look like a fool as well, and like he doesn’t know how to handle his woman.

Now I’ve known a lot of people in my past who were into spanking, to some level or another, so I know men who’d just bust out in a gathering with, “I’m gonna smack your butt when we get home.” However, it takes the right kind of company to be as bold and brazen as that. Most of us, most of the time, simply don’t have friends and acquaintances who would respond to hearing that kind of announcement in a fair way. It has to be handled more delicately.

Since the average husband is not going to tell his wife in public that she’ll be spanked, or give her such a clear warning, he can still give her signals and make sure that she knows what they mean. If she hears those signals, she knows that now is the urgent time to respond, and she is either getting in trouble, or in trouble already. She’s got to be able to recognize those signals, and turn around if she’s been stepping out of line. Obviously he can simply tell her what she needs to do first, but if she is not hearing, then a warning she can understand should help her.

For some couples that signal is simply a look. The “look” by a husband will tell a wife she needs to be quiet right now, or that she is just beginning to get into bad territory. She should graciously respond by ending whatever is offending her husband. He can also have a phrase that she knows means either to end it, or that she will be facing a punishment when she gets home. He may tell her they will need to have “a talk” later. He may say I’m going to “deal with this” tonight. He may also have a term of affection he uses only to let her know she is in trouble, such as “you need to stop that now, darling.” A careful wife will not forget that she’s only “darling” when she’s in trouble. Physical cues like a pinch here or there are a quieter and more private warning that it’s time to stop that behavior, and that a spanking is immanent.

Since a wife’s misbehavior in public is an ugly mark on the family, and in a sense a disrespect to a husband, I will make sure the spanking she receives is memorable. That is especially true of open disrespect or disobedience. I’ve had to punish my wife for such an issue only four times I can think of, in our many years of marriage. That is twice for her mouth, and twice for ignoring things I told her she needed to do. She is keenly aware of how important her public presence is, and how deeply offensive it is to represent us in any malicious way, or make it look like she doesn’t listen to me. If I ask her, “do you want to have a talk about this later?” she graciously responds in the right way.

The key is to effectively address the problem that has arisen in public. It is to warn a wife when a problem arises, before it becomes too bad and before she ends up getting punished. If it has gotten bad already, it still needs to be stopped, and she ought to know, whether in public or otherwise, that she’s in big trouble and will face the music later. I believe a few of these cues and phrases will allow a husband to do that delicately. However, if a wife is virtuous, and a husband has been leading her well, bad behavior in public will very rarely be an issue.


Comments

67 responses to “Bad Behavior in Public”

  1. Hello Aron and thank you for your articles.

    We have just recently started DD in our marriage, I introduced this to my husband and I love to be submissive to my husband.
    I have a few female acquaintances who actually control their spouses, humiliate them in front of others, and use sex and their bodies to control their husbands.

    I totally agree that it is really important to respect your husband in public.

    Best regards Anna.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Anna. I believe you and your husbands will see some of the benefits of starting discipline very soon. The visible problems in marriages, including the disgraceful behavior you describe seeing, ought to inspire more men to take charge of their wives. Those problems commonly disappear once a man begins leading and correcting his wife. Blessings.

      1. Hello Heather,

        Your point is not only valid but also to be welcomed in the discussion. You’re absolutely right some women are not too easily broken down to flourish their grace.

        Gentleness and loving nature is for sure to be prioritized for both parties in the marriage and it also shows the respect each have for one another. The word of God clarifies the roles for husband and wife and that is the most valuable principle to set a hierarchy in the household.

        It is indeed necessary to evaluate if there are any conflicts happening, however we shall not forget that the man must remain firm, which does not mean being aggressive, to impose his authority and make his word and the word of God respected and followed, especially in situations where the woman tend to be rebellious.

        I do believe Aron has articles here on the rebellious nature of women and how to deal with it.

        Very good Heather, your husband must be proud of you.

    2. Thank you Anna, even in marriages the world seem upside down at time. As the world given women too much power, the don’t respect it. Or have men become weak to allow this to happen. What do you think Aron.

      1. Hello Jelena, The influence of the culture is very poor when it comes to marriage. You can see completely upside down relationships. Men are afraid to take control, and women know they can usurp the man’s role. But it has never been easy for all couples. Simple human weakness and sin causes marital friction as well. Some men behave weakly regardless, and some women are rebellious in their instincts. Even with a culture which respected male headship, it would require some work and experience for men to lead their wives well. To submit with grace isn’t always easy.

        I believe when more men take charge in the home, and raise their children to behave as men and women, we will see a change in the culture. Nothing is preventing men and women from doing what is right in the marriages, even if they are encouraged to do what is wrong. The strongest change always starts at home. Men are ultimately the ones responsible, despite the ills of women and the culture. They need to live out that responsibility and authority they have, and lead their homes in righteousness. With perseverance they will have victory.

  2. Ricky Woods. Avatar
    Ricky Woods.

    Last time my wife did this I was mad. We left I told her not to say a word when get home go straight upstairs bend over our chair with your dress off She knew I was mad. We get home she goes upstairs and I take a min to calm down I get my thick leather belt and go upstairs. And she is in position bare bottom I ask if she knew why she was getting it. And I have never done this before but I told her young lady count your licks. I wore her butt out. She crying after 5 licks. He butt was red for a few days but it taught her a lesson she never did it again.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Ricky. A solid strapping soon after that kind of behavior is a good response. Your wife will not forget what the consequences are.

      1. Ricky Woods. Avatar
        Ricky Woods.

        Yes she learned her lesson really quickly. I have spanked her many times but that was one of the worse she has gotten. She could barely sit that night.

  3. My husband doesn’t really have any subtle cues to tell me I’m out of line in public. If I want to hang myself while out in public, he won’t stop me. He just expects me to know better. So if I don’t seem to know better, he’ll be more than happy to “teach” me when we get home.

    1. That’s funny. That’s the way it has to work sometimes. Thanks Heather.

  4. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    My wife quickly knows if she is approaching bad behavior in public. I give her a look over the top of my glasses that gets an immediate response. Her dad has noticed a change in her attitude and commented on it to me. My 3 sisters in laws constantly display bad behavior in public with very sharp tongues and belittling their husbands in front of people.

    I would never disrespect my wife in public or even private for that matter. My sisters in law talk down to their husbands and think nothing of it. All 3 are quick to criticize things but offer nothing constructive. Recently my father-in-law has needed some repairs and the 3 were nose deep into it. While they were bickering over details, I took my father-in-law aside and figured out what needed to be done. My wife told them that she and I are handling things, so they need to stop and either help or mind their own business.

  5. Hello, this is off topic, but I’m wondering if you could offer me some advice or insight. My husband and I have had many wonderful children together, all boys, in rapid succession. The problem is, I do not want another for quite some time as I don’t think I could cope with it.
    We do not use birth control as we both believe it causes silent abortions. I know it is wrong for me to deny him, but I do not want more children at the moment. My husband says my issue is a lack of trust, in him and in the Lord and that I must change my mentality and so better taking care of the home. Is there nothing I can do? Must I submit to inevitably more?

    1. Hello Nonny, Thank you for writing. Sure, that is off topic for this page, but I can answer you. I’m sure you understand you need to submit to your husband, and let him decide. You just are feeling apprehensive, or perhaps worn out. That’s natural.

      Trust in your husband to make the decision, and trust in God for the future. It will be hard work, but children are of great value, and they are our future. You are free to talk the matter out with your husband, but do not argue, and understand he is the one who will decide.

      Feel free to write me at my e-mail if you’d like to discuss it further. Blessings.

  6. Marty had me apologized to a friend of mine once who’s a part of CDD for talking about him disrespectfully. I wasn’t disciplined beyond that but it definitely drove the point home. I’m grateful for healthy friends who hold me accountable to be respectful towards Marty.

    1. It is very valuable to hold a wife accountable in that way, even if punishment is not given. Verbal correction and apologies are legitimate helpful kinds of correction. I’m glad you can see the benefit in it as a godly wife. Thank you.

  7. Another great article Aron.

    If we could analyze the actions to be taken in public I would put them in two simple categories:

    The quick and discreet corrections:
    Those can go from a little tone down phrase to stop her from going to far, to an ear pull and pinches for small offenses. Cutting a night out short can also be a punishment for some women and can act together with a home spanking in case the offense requires it. Finding some temporary private space can also help for somewhat of a lecture or even a few swats, but I am not a fan of it, as we can never be 100% sure no one will catch it.

    The second are the warnings:
    Like you so well put it, predicting when your wife might do or say something improper and stopping it from happening with a simple look, a discreet touch on the belt, or even a whisper to her ear can save a man a lot of trouble later and set clear boundaries for a wife on site.

    That said, it’s always good to make sure to set those boundaries and remind her of them before going out if there’s a reoccurring issue.

    For my wife, even with her rebellious nature, a simple look or a “hold your tongue” in front of others can do wonders to bring her down from an attitude.

    1. Thank you for sharing your insights Sergeant. Those are very practical suggestions anyone can use. Men can learn to use such signals, and wives can learn to pick up on them and respond rightly. I’m glad you enjoyed the article.

  8. patrickxjoseph210 Avatar
    patrickxjoseph210

    Great article. I tried introducing my wife to CDD but she won’t have any of it. I gave her copies of your articles to read. I believe this is what our marriage needs as all we do is argue. She has a great job and is the head of a department so she is use to being in charge. I have been trying to gain more authority over our home and marriage. I would like to make major changes, an example is having her stop working, but she is so against it. She is also a feminist, which is making it worse for her to agree to this lifestyle. Our church really isn’t into teaching what the true roles of a wife and man are, which is frustrating. I try to teach her and read the Bible with her but she won’t accept what her God given role is and doesn’t want to live it out. I am way beyond frustrated and she needs a good hard spanking to learn her place and learn that she is sinning against God word and desires for us.

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am at the point that I just want to hold her tight, turn her over and give it to her good.

    Joe

    1. Hello Joe, Thank you for contacting me. I appreciate your desire to see your marriage function correctly, and to accept your right to be head of the home. At heart is your authority, which your wife needs to accept, whether she likes it or not. Your authority is not your opinion, it is simply what you naturally have when you get married. Sadly in this culture and at this time, that position is not recognized, so many marriages are thrown in conflict and chaos. Establishing authority, and your wife’s submission, will certainly bring peace and harmony to your relationship.

      Because of the feminist nature of this culture, it is best that roles of man and woman are understood and respected by both man and wife before they get married. That’s something to talk about and to commit to. If it is not established then, it becomes much harder to establish it, both because of a wife’s refusal, and because of her poor learned habits. However, I’ve seen couples who successfully managed to do it after quarreling for years. While you naturally have a right to discipline your wife for refusal to obey, the current government does not recognize that right, and would require you simply to establish it by consent. This I’m sure you know.

      I would not give up, despite the difficulties you describe. A woman knows in her heart and mind it is wrong for her and shameful to usurp her man’s authority. She also knows inside how fulfilling it is to be feminine, and soft to her man. She may even fantasize of it, and yearn for it, but her upbringing or belief system doesn’t seem to allow her to pursue it. Despite these obstacles, many women let down their defenses with time, and embrace their submission. They come to see how deeply in the nature it is, and the satisfaction they receive in submitting to a man’s strength. Many women have turned around completely on this, but it will take work and patience to reap such wonderful rewards.

      Certainly you can continue to express the need for your headship in the marriage, and point out the problems that come about when she refuses it. Sit down with her uniquely to talk with her about those things. You can also continue to point to the Word of God, which teaches without a doubt the authority of the man in the home. If she is sincerely a Christian, and believes the Word of God, she has no excuse for not accepting it. If your church is weak on gender roles, and will not change, it is best to find another church which clearly teaches gender roles. Until then, teach it in the home yourself. That includes her need to submit, as well as to care for home and children.

      At heart she simply needs to step down. She needs to humble herself, and embrace her femininity. Once she is able to do that, it is much easier to see how everything else fits in. But she has to cease pretending that you are not her head; just give it up, and give up the battle. There is only one head in the home, and in her heart she knows that.

      I’d be willing to communicate with her as well if you think that would be beneficial. My e-mail is in the footer and the contact page. Feel free to write me there as well.

      Blessings.

    2. Hello Joe, I could not just be blind to your commentary at this point.

      In all honesty if I myself were to speak of how to bring a “girlboss” woman down to her natural place I would be writing pages and pages and the matter would not come to an end. But if I could offer any advice this would be it:

      DO NOT STAND DOWN
      Ever

      Believe it or not, even the most rebellious woman can be broken, they all can, and when I say break I do not by any means intend on bringing hurt and harm, those despite its conotations are very different from just inflicting pain for correction means.
      Although women have been taught to believe they are equal to men in the past century, we know historically that is not the case, may you just expose them to the same situations as men in life and you’ll see the difference. We are built with strength and power and they are built with grace, their strength lies elsewhere.

      That said, some women are in fact hard, that might’ve been their past experiences and education, only you can know your wife, but even the hardest of them are not unbreakable. I’ll repeat myself and say, when you’re facing a situation like this do not stand down, don’t let things slip from your control. It might take you years, decades, who knows, but you have to stand strong.

      Firstly establish a clear home hierarchy in which you can comunicate and she can understand it from a below position. Secondly work on it gradually, take mundane things away little by little, give her time and space to adapt, always remembering to reinforce the hierarchy you have established. Third, I think this one is one some forget a lot, do not refrain from being affectionate to her, she needs to understand that all you do comes from you love for her and it is for the greater good, women need affection to understand goodness. Fourth, beware of the people that surround her and even if you cannot control most of it, you can do good in influencing her to be with the right people by knowing who is around her. This list could go on forever but I am not gonna write a book in this comment section. However the last advice and probably one of the most important is to learn how to read your wife, I’ve made the mistake of not paying so much attetion to that and almost lost mine. But God is faithful and always taking care of us and pointing us in the right direction, it’s what has given me strength to not stand down on trying times.

      You’re not alone mate, stand strong on your journey and as Aron I am open to talk as well.

      1. If I might share a different viewpoint, I don’t think most women are easily won over to submission by their man being aggressive about it. But you can woo her heart. Words about submission and your authority speak to her soul, even if at first she pretends to be unmoved, even if she feels compelled to force herself to resist.
        My husband would gently quote verses to me at times, “See to it that she respects her husband…” and I hated him for it. And yet it also moved my soul at the same time. ( It works better if you’re not in the middle of a conflict.)
        Nurture, nourish her with the words that speak to the things her innermost self wants anyway. Pray with her. Let her hear your submission to God convicting her of what authority and submission look like, as you worship Him, and along with it hear your earnest request to Him that your wife would be moved to respect the authority that He has given you, for her good.
        You could sit her down every day and tell her that you are seeking God’s best for her and for your marriage, and to do that you are going to feed her and yourself by looking at a different verse each day about marriage together.
        “In everything” is such a powerful phrase, and it’s in so many places — that wives need to obey their husbands, “In everything.” Repeat these words gently. Even sensually. Make love to her and tell her that the Lord gave her to you and you require her to obey the Lord and obey you. It’s hard to argue with such things when the physical reality of them is being experienced the way the marital covenant is expressed most fully embodied.
        Woo her with truth, as Christ also woo’s his bride:
        “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a glorious church, without stain or wrinkle or any such blemish, but holy and blameless.”

      2. patrickxjoseph210 Avatar
        patrickxjoseph210

        Thank you Aron and Sergeant for your advice and guidance. I am definitely going to have to go slow and take it one step at a time with my wife. She has a lot of learning and unlearning that has to happen. The programming that has occurred with feminism is unbelievable.

        We have been discussing CDD the last couple of weeks. I introduced her to Aron’s site to understand the concept better for her. I let her know what the rules will be and when she goes against them she will be spanked. She wanted no parts of that, but I told her let’s put that aside the spanking part and continue onto other things. I told her what God’s roles for man, his wife and children are. I let her know when she doesn’t obey and follow these roles/rules she is sinning against God. This is our natural state that God designed for us. I let her know our church is way to liberal and I will be finding a new one that teaches the true word of God and how we fit into his design for us.

        I listed out exactly what needs to change so that we live with God at the center of our marriage and lives, such as her being a stay at home wife, etc. I typed up an agreement, but she won’t sign it right now. I told her this is only a tool in our marriage for me to use to make sure we are living honorably and that there is no arguing but much joy in place of that. I told her I was her protector, the authority, boss and head of our home. Your opinions and thoughts are valued and respected but once I make a decision she will accept it without arguing.

        I told her I am doing this because of how much I love her. I told her that God gave man this right and that I will have to answer to God if you, my wife are not living the righteous way. I said you know in the Bible it states a wife is to always obey her husband, well this is what he meant by his words. He also spoke many times about corporal punishment and I have ever right to spank you when you disobey or disrespect me. I want us to be together in eternal life and you must obey your husband to accomplish this.

        She asked me if I agree to this what will you use on me. I went and got the school paddle, cat-o-nine-tail and loopy that I purchased to show her. She started crying and said those are going to hurt me. I told her a spanking needs to hurt to accomplish the receiver to change there behavior. I told her straight up, my spankings will hurt when you earn one. When I spank you, you will know I mean business and your bad behavior must stop or you will be spanked again until you learn this lesson. I told her the offenses that are code red, such as texting and driving, etc. that will warrant me to administer her an exceptionally harsh whipping.

        She asked if I agree to this then what. You said last week you wanted to spank me. I told her that I will give her a spanking session in learning to respect me and my authority. The way you speak to me must change and I will give you warnings beforehand but if you ignore these warnings you will bend over and receive your punishment. You are to speak to me sweetly, kindly, respectably and with reverence. You are going to learn your place under me and that the way you have been speaking to me is unacceptable to me and God and that it know longer will be allowed by me because I have this tool, spanking, as a deterrent.

        I told her I am not waiting forever. You can ask me as many questions as you want and I will answer them. But you have got to accept this as your new reality, and that our marriage will be changing for the better, and that I will be spanking you for your bad behavior. I would rather you come to me, sign the agreement, then bend and accept what is due you. If you don’t, then I am telling you to prepare you, that two weeks from today I will be spanking you for your disrespectful behavior. She said you can’t do this, I said watch me, I am your authority and I will spank you.

        I then told her she has one month to give her notice and resign her position. She started being mouthy, I said enough. You heard everything I said, you have two weeks to think about your deplorable behavior to your husband and how you are going to change this behavior going forward. I am looking forward to giving you a harsh lesson is how to respect your man.

        Last night she came to me and apologized for speaking to me like she did. She asked for my forgiveness. I told her we would discuss forgiveness when I give her the spanking session she deserves. She started crying and said maybe I do need to be reigned in and I need this. I told her she desperately needed it, that it could be so good for her growth as my wife and a women of God. I told her she won’t have to hold onto the guilt she feels about it. I hugged her and said why don’t you go upstairs, strip and bend over the end of the bed and let me teach you a lesson you desperately need. She said she can’t, she is scared. I told her she is safe in my hands, I would never spank her out of anger or ever break her skin. Yes, it will hurt, be red and be bruised and unpleasant but it isn’t anything that would damage or hurt you permanently. She said let me think about it.

        I am hoping she comes to me within the next two weeks. It will be much easier for it to be agreed upon by both, but I have come to terms with the fact that if she doesn’t I will have to administer it without her consent. I can’t let this behavior continue without consequences. I know she has a lot to change and it will take time, but getting past this part will be such a relief.

        I really need the encouragement. Thanks again.

        Joe

        1. Hello Patrick, That is a big step forward. You were very clear, and unwavering. Your wife likely knows that she needs it, and she knows the harm she is causing to the marriage by her behavior. Some of her offenses are very serious. She just has to unlearn the lies she has internalized, as well as face some legitimate fear.

          You are right to continue to point to the heart of the matter, which is your marriage itself. That means her heartfelt submission to you, and your loving leadership of her. That is integral to marriage, and is a duty before the Lord. You will see much of that conflict between you be fully in the past when you take the further steps.

          I would add that it is safest to take things step by step. Your wife learning submission, accepting discipline from you, and also resigning her job, in such a short time could be an overflow of change. It’s up to you, but I would establish the first things, and take care of her lifestyle more after that. I had my wife’s submission from the start of our marriage, but there were still changes I made a little later on.

          Both of you are welcome to contact me personally. You are doing a good job. I know she will feel much better, and be quite relieved, when she accepts your correction, and learns more respect. I am very hopeful for change in your marriage.

          1. patrickxjoseph210 Avatar
            patrickxjoseph210

            Good evening all, My wife and I had a long discussion last night and my wife signed the agreement agreeing to the CDD lifestyle. I am thrilled that she has come around and understands that this is going to be very good for her and so beneficial to our marriage. We both had to work late and we are due home by 8 tonight. I asked her to be upstairs in the bedroom naked waiting for me so that I can administer her first spanking which she will be receiving for blatant disrespect. It is well-deserved and long overdue. She asked what I was going to use on her and I told her that her behavior deserves to receive the thick, large paddle. I told her that it is going to hurt, that she will get through it and that she is safe in my hands and I will give her a just punishment for her poor behavior. She said she understands, has been completely out of control and trusts me to use what I feel will help her grow in her submission to me and teach her a good lesson. I thought I would feel apprehension in having to carry it out and hurt her, but I am not. I know what needs to be done to teach her a lesson in respecting me that she truly needs. It is out of my love for her. Thank you all for your advice, it is immeasurable.

          2. Congratulations Joe. I believe many women, even when they have reluctance in their hearts, know that spanking is the best for them. They can see the problems they have and they understand it will help. They just need to get over some of those obstacles, including their fear. I know she will experience growth under your guidance and correction.

        2. Joe,

          You’re on a good track of showing her what you expect of her, but I don’t think you should spank her without her submitting to it willingly. It can easily backfire on you. You holding the line that you think she SHOULD submit to it, is giving her a huge taste of your leadership. But the human spirit is strong, and you can’t MAKE an adult woman submit to you by spanking her unless she is open to it, if anything, you may provoke her to rebellion (which is something the Bible warns about.)

          Those of us who are spanked wives grow from it because our hearts receive it. But if the heart is closed, banging down the door won’t bear good fruit. You have to be patient. In that sense, even Jesus “stands at the door and knocks,” and doesn’t force us to submit to Him. When we welcome His leadership, we end up asking for Him to search us, know us, and even to chastise us, and He gives us these gifts that we ask for. But He does wait for us to open the door to Him.

          Your wife married you and nothing in all that you discussed with each other probably included things such as obedience/submission, discipline, or her not having a job. Her covenant with you was made with other ideas and different promises than the ones you are now telling her that this covenant entails. While you may be right technically, it would feel unfair to you if someone you made an agreement with suddenly told you, “Actually your agreement meant A B and C, even though we only ever talked about X, Y and Z.” Not to mention everyone in her world, her parents, her siblings, all her christian friends, will definitely see everything you are doing as abuse if you do not win her cooperation.

          I would also add that Aron’s understanding of women’s roles includes that a woman not hold a job. (Actually his wife had a part time job before their kids came along). But many, many of us who are in marriages of obedience, submission, and discipline do actually have jobs.

          Is your wife’s job the thing that is destroying your marriage, or is the main thing you want to solve right now more of an overall flavor of disrespect? Why not start with the things that are actually issues between you without creating additional ones — stay focused on solving the immediate issues and work together to come to an understanding on other areas, like her job.

          Even in CDD marriages, it’s important for a woman to be led into agreement and mutual understanding, not just pummelled into submission. It’s easy to go overboard at first. Many woman who want CDD in their marriage go overboard into something known as “sub frenzy” when they first start out, wanting to be disciplined for everything all at once. Perhaps you are experiencing the flip side of that as the leader, wanting to enforce a totalitarian submission all at once? Patience is still a fruit of the Spirit, please don’t turn away from it.

    3. LurkerGirl Avatar

      Exporadic lurker here.

      Man first and foremost Aron is right, the main thing you’re looking for when iniciating any type of dynamic that involves your girl is CONSENT. This website is really good and has a lot of inspo if you’re trying to get into the lifestyle, even if not 100% of the time, but you can’t do it unless you both want it.

      I mean if my man suggested we do this all the time I don’t know if I’d be cool with it but I’d definitely give it a thought, it’s super nice to be taken care of and is sexy too. That doesn’t mean every girl wants that, if you want to try it explain to her how important this is for you but you must respect her choices, so you don’t end up hurting each other.

      I’m sure you don’t wanna go down a manipulative and extreme road as to be ab#sive with her, because you love her right? What the other guy up here suggests is only fine if she has accepeted that type of life for herself, because if not this is messed up, everybody is an adult here and knows what they’re doing and saying. So just be careful and always put living a good happy life with your girl above all else.

      1. Thanks for your comment, Lurker.

    4. Dear Patrick,
      With all my respect, I’m worried you pushing her to much, and she will run out that marriage quite soon. Why? Because she in not in submissive midset. She is a feminist, and you want to spank her. That’s an easy recipe to divorce, not to DD. You need to work, step by step on her midset. Believe me, most women want be submissive and dominated, but our society stopped teaching us how to be submissive. So now, you have to help her discover that part of her soul, mind and heart, but it’s not easy job to do. And in my opinion spanking should be the last part of that process. If she change her mindset, SHE WILL COME TO YOU asking for a spanking, because desire of being corrected that way is also a part of our feminity. Your wife needs to find that part of herself.
      Asking at the beginning to quit the job is’t also the best move, IMO.
      Start with simple things, like being the alfa in a bed, admire her submissive position, how you love seeing her like that. Show her how much it means to you, how beautiful she is for example on her knees while she pleasures you.
      Always pay attantion, use positive feedback anytime she does something submissive. Tell her, how amazing she is in that moment, how imprtant it is to you. Ask her how she feels making you so happy with that simple submissive things.
      It takes time, but it’s worth it and later it’s easier to demand more things, like acceptance your decisions, no matter if she fully agrees with you or not (for example quitting the job). It’s easier to demand a sexual submission (thats absolutely fantastic thing for a man, ask my husband 😉 ).
      A wife in submissive set of mind wont be against you, she will be in your team, she will be greateful for a correction she receivies from you because thats the way she can learn to be a better wife. She wants to please you, makes you happy and she finds her own happines in making you happy.
      You need to quide her to find her submissivness, not push her by force to be like that (that wont work good).
      All the best,
      Kinga

    5. Ty6700Edu Avatar
      Ty6700Edu

      Sounds like things are going in a good direction, Joe. It’s been interesting following your progress. Any update on how the first spanking went?

      1. patrickxjoseph210 Avatar
        patrickxjoseph210

        Sorry it has taken awhile to respond.

        My wife’s first spanking I believe went very well. Now my wife may feel very different. Once we agreed and we signed the agreement giving me the authority to carry out corporal punishment I put her into position, I told her what to expect and that she is going to be hurting during and afterwards due to her continual disrespect of me and my authority. I informed her that I will no longer tolerate it and her bad behavior will be dealt with swiftly and justicely. She knew I meant business from the first stroke of the paddle. She immediately jumped up and pleaded with me to stop. I told her to get back into position, that she earned 10 very harsh ones for jumping up and that I will not tolerate her moving or jumping up during a correction. She is to accept what is due her and coming her way with grace and dignity. She earned it because of her behavior. She started crying and got back into position for me. She stayed in position until I was finished and cried throughout and was very contrite and apologetic. I told her right out that their was a new sheriff in town and it is her decision whether her bottom and thighs feel good or not.

        I gave her 100 strokes and the last 10, I know she saw stars by the way she cried out. I needed this to be a memorable spanking and one she doesnt want again and to be frank her behavior with me has been atrocious and what she received was well deserved. I hate to admit it but afterwards when she pleasured me for her spanking and the time it took out of my schedule to correct her I felt vindicated and seeing her marked bottom and sitting gingerly for days felt good to me. After she was very submissive and sweet with me. She is learning to catch herself before responding to me even though it is taking time and she is being spanked for it. I know it will take more than a month for her to learn.

        I am a very loving and caring man but I will not put up with disrespect or not performing your duties in my home.

        I have had to spank her twice a week since her first spanking. She is learning what I will and will not tolerate. I do not micromanage and my rules and expectations are fair. She has been working on changing her heart and I have seen some improvements. I am spending quality time with her and reading the Bible, doing Bible study in and out of the home, getting on our knees and praying, etc. She is also doing this on her own time when I am not present.

        This morning before we left for work she refused me sexually because she would have been late. I turned her over and took her anyway and showed her it is not a wise choice to refuse me. I let her know that her bottom will be receiving my strap tonight along with 10 strokes of a cane I purchased. She was very apologetic and begged me to let it go, I told her that isn’t the way this works. She needs to be punished for her initial refusal. I said this is one of the reasons why the job must go because I don’t want to have to worry about you being late when I desire you.

        I told her that her bottom will feel and know I mean business after I am done with it tonight. We do not ever refuse one another, it is a major sin and warrants a harsh spanking. I know she is on pins and needles waiting for her punishment to be carried out. She has texted me more than usual and has been very contrite and apologetic. The last one she sent floored me as she said her bottom needs to be torn up for refusing me and that she was sorry and it will never happen again. I am pleased that she is thinking about her actions and that her behavior is wrong. Unfortunately for awhile she is going to have a very sore butt, but it is well deserved.

        I will keep you posted as I am hoping she accepts the 10 strokes of the cane with grace and dignity. But she must understand that her refusing me sexually will warrant something different to be used on her bottom.

        Joe

        1. His-bride-Lauren Avatar
          His-bride-Lauren

          Hi Joe, I’m just wondering if your wife has made any more progress? Did she quit her job? My husband allows me to work 2 days a week, which I am very grateful for (although I am on maternity leave at the moment). However, all of the money goes to a joint account, for which he holds both cards. He then pays housekeeping money into my personal account for shopping and small personal and household purchases. That way he can keep an eye on my spending and make sure I am not wasting money. Nor do I get ideas above my station of my wages being “my” money. It is all our money, which he manages. I wonder if part time work like this may be an option for your wife. If she can stay humble and doesn’t allow the job to corrupt her, then one or two days a week could be a possibility. I hope her journey of submission is going smoothly. My husband and myself agreed to a CDD lifestyle before even getting engaged. I was perfectly willing to submit to his authority and I knew my place in the relationship. And yet I still struggled at times (and sometimes still do). Please remember that the bible teaches compassion and mercy above all else. Being beaten into submission is not sustainable. She has to be moved by the Holy Spirit to want to submit to you and to know why it’s essential. Good luck to you both.

  9. I came across this site very recently, and if I may say so I believe it is a great resource on the subject of domestic discipline, although my Husband would disagree with some of the posts.

    regarding the topic of this post, in my case it is a variation of “having a talk later” – specifically, my Husband would say “please remind me later that we have a small issue to discuss”. At least from my experience this phrasing never raised any concern from anyone who might have overheard it. Needless to say that no such “reminder” is ever needed from me, and whoever hears this being said doesn’t need to know (and I don’t need to guess…) what the topic of the discussion would be, or that I best learn when the discussion is conducted with my hands on a stool, shirt and bra removed, and my Husband patiently explaining the behavior expected of me with a looped cable across my back (oh my, just typing this makes me shudder).

    Jenny

    1. Thank you for your comment, Jenny. I’m very glad my website has been a useful resource to you. That’s a very good way your husband has of communicating about discipline in public. It gets the message across, but is quite innocuous.

    2. Jenny, I worry for you being whipped with a cable across the thin skin of your back. I’ve not heard of DD being conducted in such a manner when we’ve been given more padding for paddling in our buttocks. That sounds more like bdsm methods of intensifying pain beyond that of a biblical lesson. I hope some of the men will address this.

      1. Thanks Demhi. Sure, that is not at all a normal punishment as far as wife spanking goes. The bottom is the spot for a spanking, since it is more padded, and the top of the thighs can be used occasional with more care. It presents much more danger, as well as potentially extreme pain, to give a punishment like that on the back.

      2. I appreciate the concern, and apologize for moving off-topic with my comment. Naturally the bottom is indeed the normal spot for a loving, intimate, correctional spanking, but may I please offer my perspective on this (hopefully without it sounding too argumentative)?

        Methods that are probably perfect for women who need a gentle nudge in the right direction, do not work nearly as well with me. I greatly appreciate my Husband’s love an affection, and there are plenty of both, but I also appreciate his understanding that with me, the consequences for forgetting myself must be anything but gentle or intimate – they need to be dreaded, and they are; Not dangerous, but indeed extremely painful – and are guaranteed for misconduct. I am a better wife and person for His efforts.

        I hope that I addressed the concerns my comment raised.

        1. Safety is a concern with whippings on the back —

          I have read if one strikes the kidney area, it can be fatal as the kidney can rupture. Certainly people have been whipping people for punishment on the back for millennia, but for safety’s sake it’s good to know the lower to mid-back should be absolutely avoided for the sake of the kidney risk. And I would think too even in the safer areas of the upper back, it would be best to lean towards “sting” rather than “thud” and avoid using any weighty items.

          It does sound though like your husband knows what he’s doing though if this is your common practice and you’ve been in this for a while. 🙂

    3. Caning Husband Avatar
      Caning Husband

      Dear Jenny,

      The back, rather than the buttocks, is the primary site of marital discipline training in many countries, including India. I myself prefer the buttocks as I feel they are safer. I hope the above-mentioned training is delivered only on rare occassions.

  10. Hello, I have read the majority of your articles and agree with the scripture and examples you have shown in the Bible that give husbands the authority to discipline their wives. However, there is a word in 1st Timothy 3:3 that has me apprehensive. It states that a pastor/bishop should not be a striker. I understand the commandment to use corporal punishment in the Bible and the use of it with adults throughout scripture. Could this have a different meaning than what my first impression of it is?

    Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;

    Thank you.

    1. Hello Lurker, I am aware of those passages as well. Being a “striker” means someone who brawls and gets into fistfights. It does not refer to corporal punishment. The Bible mandates corporal punishment at times, so that is a very different category of action than getting into fights.

      The translation of the Greek in my version says “violent.” The concordance lists the usages of the Greek word as such:

      “bruiser, ready for a blow
      a pugnacious, contentious, quarrelsome person”

      That means it’s not prohibiting giving corporal punishment, but malicious, angry, violent actions. I hope that is clear for you now. Thank you.

  11. Hello, I am replying to Heather’s second message to Joe, but did not see a reply buttom. I echo much of what Heather said, in that you cannot force a woman into this, but I would also like to give the viewpoint of a woman who has been where your wife is now, Joe. I believe in male headship, am submissive to my husband, am a homemaker and mother, but I am not a punished wife. Just as an aside, there are many who would say an unpunished wife cannot be submissive, but I would respectfully say this: there are 7.88 billion people on earth (I looked up the number for this post 🙂 ) To guess, claim, surmise or say that there are NO women among the large number of people on the planet who can be submissive without punishment, I say, that would be a pretty silly claim. I was raised in a very strict, my dad was the boss household, so maybe that is why I am the way I am. We exist!
    As I wrote above, I was where your wife is now, Joe. I was working a job I loved, was a boss, wanted to “do it all”. We were living in a city, so even though we were and are both frugal, even the cheapest rent at the time was high. So we made a plan to move outside the city (which had the advantage that it was also closer to my husband’s job) and made the transition to living on one income (which took almost a year to accomplish). After that I quit my job, it was really hard for a few months. I ranted and raved about it and my husband neither said nor did anything. Then I was pregnant, and I realized in hindsight how stressful my job was, and how much my life changed when I was a wife, soon to be mother and homemaker. As Aron says, a family can live on one salary, but sometimes it requires a bit of planning to get there. But, perhaps you already know you can manage on your salary alone. A few years later I said to my husband, man, I was a real b***ch those couple of months after I stopped working, and yet you never did or said anything- why? Do you know what he said to me? He said” I was proud of you for accepting this life I want to lead you in, and I had to allow you to mourn the loss of your career in your own way, even if it meant your ranting and raving a little while. I knew eventually you would be happier in this life”. Like WOW, that was one of the most loving things he has ever done for me. And he was so right. Once I let go of the job and stress and, later on, held my firstborn in my arms, I knew my husband had really made the right decision for us. That was a couple of decades ago, and we are going strong. Being home allowed me to become more submissive and patient because I was not pulled in so many directions. I do agree with Heather that submissive, godly wives can work, just this is my story.
    So I would respectfully and kindly suggest to you, allow your wife to begin to follow your words, follow your wishes and if she follows through with leaving her job, allow her time to adjust and recognize you only want what is best for your family. I think you will find she will slowly let go of things from the past, and, even if sometime in the future you decide to and she accepts punishment, it will likely go more easily. Thank you for your time to read my story.

  12. Chelle Avatar

    Hello. I don’t get spanked spontaneously very much at all- my man prefers me to stand in the corner if he has any complaints, with maybe a little talk or occasionally something physical at a better moment later on. However, the occasion was right at a little house party a few weeks ago. I was talking to one or two people and at a convenient moment my man called me over. He had asked the host if he could talk to me in a private room, told me he was going to spank with his bare hand. It wasn’t too hard to hitch up a dress and get my bare flesh exposed. I needed a good quarter of an hour to compose myself afterwards, and there were a few tears to dry- but I think we bonded a little over the incident.

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience, Chelle. It is very convenient to be able to deal with a wrong in the moment. While I had not seriously considered the possibility, it may indeed be possible to manage discipline silently while in another home, if it is large enough.

      1. Chelle Avatar

        I enjoy your feedback. The house was a three storey urban house, but the noise from below would easily have drowned any other noise. I’m not sure if more heads of household read your site, or good women but it is worth remembering that a girl needs time to compose herself after a spanking, and, assuming she is dressed up, needs time dry tears, redo make-up and get her hair, clothes and any accessories in order. My partner knows this, and asked a lady to come to talk to me, while I was in the bathroom making myself look “party ready” again. She didn’t know what had happened, and she was cool that I had been upset by something- without going any further. We had quite a laugh as I got ready to go back downstairs, and through her, I ended up talking to some of her friends when my party began again!

        1. That’s a helpful explanation, Chelle. Most spankings that I give my wife are at home, shortly before bed. So besides giving her some corner time to calm down and think about her situation, she doesn’t need to recompose herself otherwise. However if she does, there will be time. We don’t do make-up, so that’s not a worry. If it were in the middle the day, or in the middle of public activities, it’s surely a good idea to check if she needs to get herself more presentable after her correction. That’s a good idea. Thank you.

      2. Chelle Avatar

        My partner and I have moved towards more quick spanking as a form of correction- hence interrupting the flow of a party. He never wanted to hurt me unduly, but we both found other correctional techniques were bad time management for both of us- we are urban, 21st century adults with a lot to do in our lives. Sending me to be early as an example just means that we are alienated from each other for longer. and doesn’t really help me to become an ideal wife. A good instrument or a sharp hand on my backside is painful and humiliating, but within a quick time period, we can get on with things.

  13. patrickxjoseph210 Avatar
    patrickxjoseph210

    Thank you all for your comments and thoughts on my situation. I have taken some of your suggestions and have incorporated them into our marriage.

    My wife and I have been discussing and keeping an open line of communication on the matter. I decided as Aron and others suggested not to do everything at once, such as her quitting her job immediately. She does know that it must eventually go, and her focus will be on me, the home and our future children. She said she isn’t happy about it but will do this if I desire. I am reading and teaching her from the Bible about a women’s role and am praying with her. I told her with God’s help she will eventually accept this and accept her role in our marriage and she will grow to love her new role. I have been encouraging her and complimenting her when she does things that please me. I told her I want her natural submissive state to eventually emerge. I am also staying very firm and strong and voicing my displeasure when she does something wrong or disrespectful, like how she talks to me. I let her know how unacceptable it is to me, what she needs to do to change it and that when she agrees to it that she deserves a good spanking for her behavior. She is trying to change it, but without the spanking part it only lasts so long, especially with her being in charge at work. She is definitely learning by my voicing my displeasure that she is not in charge in our home and never will be, even if she hates that right now. I am noticing that after my verbal corrections she is very sorry, admits she was wrong and wants to change which has been a good thing for her over the last month, she has come a long way with this. I explain that adding the spanking part would benefit her changing her behavior quicker and make our marriage more joyful.

    I know as a man and her husband that I can’t and won’t live with how she and our marriage is right now. I must be the head of our home and she must accept it. I can be patient, but not forever and am hoping she accepts the spanking part sooner and agrees to allow me to use it for her bad behavior. I can’t imagine me living and accepting this behavior much longer, as I told her she is sinning and my role is to teach her differently and to use corporal punishment as a deterrent. God would not be pleased with me if I continue allowing your disrespect. She did say she understood. I informed her every month I am going to let her know what needs changing. For April I told her that the books, magazines and TV shows she watches must stop and why these things are not healthy for her. I told her the TVs are going away on April 1sr as we don’t need them in the home. She is not happy about it and we have been discussing it but she knows I mean business and the TV and reading materials will go. I told her since I can’t spank right now if she goes against my wishes that I will have to start taking pleasures away from her, such as us going out for dinner.

    I am hoping she comes around very soon. The paddle is definitely waiting to whip her into shape as she needs it desperately to learn her submissive state and her role and place under me. Thank you all for your encouragement and support.

    Joe

    1. Those are great steps forward, Joe. Congratulations. I know you will continue to lead your wife and your home in righteousness. It’s good you have a clear vision of what you intend and are dedicated to accomplishing it. You will see the difference in even a short time. Bless you and your family.

    2. Joe,
      I’m actually really excited at how you describe things at this point. I was wondering how it was going and it sounds like you’ve found a way to both be strong and patient. Praise be to God.

      And now my head is swimming with ideas, suggestions. For instance, will she let you experiment with spankings that are not disciplinary? That might be a way to get her comfortable with the idea that her bottom can be spanked and it’s not the end of the world for her. I know in many marriages where the situation is reversed — where the woman wants discipline and the husband is reluctant, that often a husband will dabble in some erotic spanking to test the waters of actually “hitting” his wife. Maybe see if she’d be willing to experiment together in some nondisciplinary ways?

      And…women love to shop. There are some great stores out there, like this one: https://www.aswgt.com/ . Maybe you could let her pick out her first implement together with you? (I am imagining something that doesn’t say “severe” next to it. ) That would give her some sense of involvement in the process, some sense of control too, and maybe she’d be brave enough then to let you take the first steps of using it to discipline her.

      Finally, if I may be so bold, I have a blog and share my perspective as a woman who just started being disciplined several years ago. Maybe share some posts with her? We also have a ladies group on Telegram (there’s a men’s group too). We can walk with her through some of the newness of all this.

      Blessings to you Joe and to your wife,
      Heather

      1. patrickxjoseph210 Avatar
        patrickxjoseph210

        Hello Heather.

        That is a wonderful idea for my wife to connect with other women and read and hear their perspectives and encouragement. I think that is part of the problem, as she has made a comment to me that after I administer her first spanking who can she talk to after as no one else we know lives this way and it isn’t discussed out in the open. She said knowing herself after I give her the first one she is going to want to talk with another women to discuss her feelings about it. Can you give me your blog and an email for her to correspond with you? I really believe once she connects more on the topic and hears from other women it will make sense to her.

        In our bed I am in complete control sexually I do smack her bottom, and she is not opposed to that, and it sends her over the moon. But of course, it will be way different when she will be receiving it for punishment and I know she is aware of that fact. I pulled know punches with her and told her a spanking should always hurt when given for bad behavior and for her to change that behavior.

        I am happy that we are communicating openly about it. I am also staying very strong and patient as you said. Every time she does something wrong I tell her that she deserves a spanking for it, why it is wrong and what she must do to change the bad behavior.

        Last night she was very disrespectful to me and I immediately gave her a formal lecture. I told her to stand in the corner, nose to wall and hands behind her head. I lectured her for a whole hour. She didn’t give me any problems with standing in the corner. I told her straight up that her bottom needed a good whipping for her disrespectful mouth. She started crying and was very sorry and contrite. I told her the whipping is the next part she will have to accept, as each time she is disrespectful she is getting closer and closer to her bare bottom meeting the paddle. I also had her give me a BJ to thank me for lecturing her. She tried resisting, but I took control, told her that her mouth is to be used to pleasure me not talk nasty or be mouthy with me. I informed her as she has realized throughout today that she will be going to her knees anytime I request, and give me pleasure and show her submission to me. Again, I was a little stunned that she didn’t give much of a fight, I really think she is ready to receive a good paddling but is apprehensive, since she is accepting these other parts.

        Please continue praying for us. I know CDD is the right way to handle my marriage and wife. I truly believe this is exactly what she needs to be able to change and to learn self-control in some areas, such as her mouth and to be the wife and mother that God and I want for her.

        I was a little stunned that she gave me no problems with standing in the corner either for over an hour and listened to my words. I am taking it as a good sign that she knows she needs correcting for her behavior. The next time she gives me mouth I am going to soap her mouth and put her in the corner and lecture her to see how this goes. Then, the next time she will have to bend over and accept a good whipping for this behavior. I know she is definitely listening to me when I talk with her about implementing this. She has got to give up all control and I told her once she does and turns her life over to me in all aspects she will feel much better and less stressed. She will be the natural, submissive Godly women that God intends for all women.

        She has a job where she is the total boss and it just isn’t going to work with her keeping it because she tries to bring that authority home with her. She knows I am having none of it and that I am the boss and authority in this house. She has admitted it is hard to switch off and on.

        Again, thank you.

        Joe

        1. zoe853227 Avatar
          zoe853227

          Is there any women who can help me understand why my husband Joe needs to have such control over me? He knows I was going to ask for help. He said when he gets home tonight he is soaping my mouth out. I don’t know how he thinks this is OK to do to me. I understand his need to be the authority but corporal punishment? Ugh.

      2. Joe,
        Anytime someone’s name is in blue it will take you to a page showing you their contact info or their blog. Feel free to click through on mine.

    3. Heather Avatar

      “Years ago”…wow that’s a typo. I meant months!

    4. Anonymous Avatar
      Anonymous

      From your latest post on May 1, you do not seem like a “loving and caring man” as you claim. You start with a huge number of spanks on your first punishment and buy a cane in the first month, an instrument Aron has said time and again he does not recommend as it borders on danger, and that is most likely especially true if you don’t have any experience yet with a harsher instrument. I understand you are trying to erase many months or years of disrespect but you don’t do it all at once in the first few weeks. As much as I’m committed to wifely submission, this is wrong and excessive. And I understand you wanting her to step down from her job, but you should know better than to force sex at a time when she is still employed and is still will be late . You could have said to her “you ask Your husband kindly to delay sex and for a rain check when you get home, but yes You should not be late while still employed” In mho this is already a gross msuse of authority. You seem to be getting your jolly’s off, not guiding, nurturing and leading her in godly submission.

      1. That’s a good assessment, Anonymous. Thank you.

      2. patrickxjoseph210 Avatar
        patrickxjoseph210

        Maybe you are right Anonymous, but you are not living my life. Maybe I went at it to harshly but she has literally said she will end this marriage if I expect her to be submissive and obey me. She knew what I wanted and we discussed and she agreed, but now she said she will always remain working and making her own money. She now wants different things like not wanting children. The more she has these outside influences and doesn’t accept her role that Jesus wants the more she stays in that life.

        1. You can write me if you want to discuss it further.

      3. Heather Avatar
        Heather

        I’ll take it one step further: Joe, I don’t believe you. You have obviously read all of this blog or most of it, you take specific things Aron says and string them together and satirize them into a twisted version of what he has written, probably just to see what he and others will say. You describe what the secular world would call “marital rape” and I’m betting you do this just to see if anyone will say there’s a limit. You’re a troll. This is not real. (God I hope you’re not real, Joe.) But you’re trying to play all of us. You just want to mess with this community for your jollies and report back probably to your reddit friends. It’s a sick sport.

      4. Anonymous Avatar
        Anonymous

        Thank you Aron, for your affirmation of my assessment. I do not want to see a misuse of authority thwart efforts for a couple to have a loving, kind, fulfilling godly marriage of male headship and wifely submission, with correction having its rightful but justly and fairly administered place in the marriage. I’m hopeful with proper, serious and needed adjustments most marriages can get back on the right track .

      5. Anonymous Avatar
        Anonymous

        Wow Heather, bless you. I had not even thought of that angle you describe about Joe. Whether what you suggest is true or not, the Internet is a great place but fraught with problems too, as Aron wrote in a recent post. But we carry on and, as they say, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water . Blessings and good night to all.

      6. Anonymous Avatar
        Anonymous

        Hi again Joe, I didn’t see a reply button under your reply to me, so I’m replying to myself. I’m sure you will find the message. Thanks for the further explanation , and I didn’t mean to insult or disrespect you. It just seemed things had escalated quite far and quite fast. As Aron wrote, it’s probably a very good idea if you write to him one on one, as he can best advise you with all of his years of experience as being the leader in his home. I just suggest, perhaps a step back, almost a start from scratch position. , and have a slow and steady conversation with your wife could help? At any rate, I hope that you both can find a way to move forward with your marriage. God bless.

      7. If any of this is even real — of course she wants to make her own money and of course she doesn’t want to have children with you. She doesn’t even know who you are any more, except that over night you turned into a scary monster. She’s plotting her course of escape, not how she is going to build a family with you. But of course, again, I don’t believe you are really doing this. You are simply caricaturising the CDD movement and trying to make it look ridiculous. I’d put money on it, that this is what you’re trying to do.

        On the off chance that you really are this misguided, I’ll try to say again what I’ve shared before: those of us in disciplinary relationships with our husbands are in a relationship of trust and understanding. My husband would not paddle me if he didn’t know that I would receive it, that I am in agreement with his leadership — it would be a waste of his time. Nor would he give me orders if he didn’t know I had a pledge to obey him. You might be the head of your wife but you still have to show some wisdom in woo’ing those under your leadership to accept it and want it.

        There’s a reason that Paul gives the following qualifications for an elder, for instance: “An overseer must manage his own household well …with complete dignity. For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how can he care for the church of God?” Being able to win your household’s cooperation through various means is a display of leadership and wisdom. Discipline is only one tool in an overall package of how to lead those underneath you. And if you’re using it like its the only thing you’ve got, you’ve missed the point entirely, and you’re headed on a sad path of destruction of your marriage and at the very least, destruction of your wife’s spirit.

        1. His-bride-Lauren Avatar
          His-bride-Lauren

          I agree with your assessment that he is a troll. And not a very subtle one at that. I think he is either mocking the lifestyle (which is a really offensive thing to do, given this is supposed to be a safe space to discuss something that many of us have nobody in real life to talk to about) or else he is some sort of fantasist, typing his lurid comments with one hand down his trousers.

          Either way, I feel like an idiot, because I didn’t see all his later comments where it became clear he was talking nonsense. I left an earnest comment further up, asking how things were going and explaining to him how my husband and I manage our finances and me working part time. I had hoped he would consider allowing his wife a little more freedom. But of course I feel stupid now, given he is obviously a troll (or else an exceptionally misguided, abusive man). I hope he doesn’t reply.

          Sorry, I just needed to vent. I’m hormonal (post pregnancy) and I seem to be so sensitive about everything, because this man making a mockery of the lifestyle myself and my husband put so much effort into maintaining has made me quite emotional! I think it’s just because I had desperately needed a place to talk to like-minded people who would not judge me (as my friends and family would). I was so excited to find somewhere, but then I encountered that charming gentleman. I can’t believe I was taken in by him at first, I feel really stupid. Anyway, thank you for calling him out!

          1. aronhusband Avatar
            aronhusband

            Thanks for sharing your opinion, Lauren. It’s the internet so you really can’t tell for sure. I allow a wide variety of comments. A few may be to the extreme end, but that does offer the opportunity for me or someone else to advise them differently. So it can end up useful in that way. I would guess at least a quarter of the commenters totally fabricate their stories, but that’ just a guess.

  14. His-bride-Lauren Avatar
    His-bride-Lauren

    If I am on thin ice, my husband will put his hand on my lower back in a certain way. I don’t know how to explain it, but I know the difference between him placing his hand there to touch me affectionately and him doing it to warn me to stop misbehaving, but there is a very real difference and I instantly know his meaning from the touch. This is a warning to pull my socks up if I want to keep my bum unscathed.

    If I’m really out of line, then he will subtly pinch me or lightly pull my hair. Nobody else would see it, but I know it means “one more word and you are getting smacked when we get home”.

    When I am guaranteed a sore bottom when we return home and he wants to let me know it, he will say “Lauren, could you please get me a drink”. That’s our message for “you’re in for it”, lol.

    1. aronhusband Avatar
      aronhusband

      Thank you for your comment. That’s a good method of getting the point across. It is subtle enough in public, but it communicates clearly, and give you the needed warning. Any husband should have a means of doing the same.

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