Why Men Like to Spank

I’ve written before on reasons women love getting spanked, and I’d like to similarly discuss why men like spanking their wives. I felt more compelled to write the first article, because to many people it’s counterintuitive that women love to be spanked, and it’s assumed they would never want their husbands to tell them what to do, much less punish them over their knee. Who would want a painful experience? It called for an explanation more urgently. However, while it seems intuitive to some that men like to spank women, the subject still deserves to be probed. Many men would never consider spanking their wives, and others would simply be too afraid to. It shouldn’t be assumed that men want it, but it still is in their wiring, and most are capable of being fulfilled by it.

Spanking a woman is satisfying to men in part because there is something satisfying in seeing a proud or rebellious person humbled. There is an innate sense of justice. There is a clear understanding this is deserved. A man finds it satisfying to know his wife has returned to being meek, after being mouthy, and is in a position to accept authority rather than reject it. Her raised bottom alone says — I am sorry. I confess. I was wrong. Her tears say — I should never have ignored what you told me, or pretended I was in charge. Her stripping off of clothes say — I was wrong to push you off. I belong to you. The stripes she receives will balance out her bad behavior, and make the offense go away in his mind. He is rewarded knowing that the strapping he is laying on is being given to a lady who fully earned it. Seeing a criminal caught and punished brings a just sense of enjoyment, and putting a wife back in her place in marriage does the same, but does so right alongside that intimate knowledge only marriage can bring. 

Just as a spanking makes a woman feel more deeply submissive, giving one to his wife makes a man experience his own power more fully, being directly and clearly in charge. Spanking a woman is far more fulfilling to his headship than a simple discussion, and much more so than punishing her with grounding. It’s clearly a better expression of his manhood than having to negotiate with his wife. The man embraces the authority he has and exercises it over her. He knows he is the king. His wife is kneeling. He places her in the position he desires. He has his way with her with hand, belt, or paddle, and she needs to accept it fully in submission. She needs to receive his lecture, and his spanking, until he sees fit. She may not resist. His authority is expressed in his words of correction, as he tells his bent-over lady — “I am not going to accept that behavior from you. That was absolutely out of line, and you are getting what you deserve tonight.” His hand directly expresses his authority with strength, as her bottom yields to it, and her lips profess her submission. Very little in life exercises authority as clearly as placing the wife over the knee and spanking her bare bottom.

Men like spanking because it restores the order in marriage, and keeps his woman quieter and gentler. Problems or conflicts that bubbled up are dissipated, offense or anger become nonexistent. She more conscientiously serves him. Just as the wife’s guilt disappears, so does a husband’s offense and wariness of her. He does not have to worry while being around his own wife. He does not have to expect attacks or disrespect. She is his. Many couples will tell you of the quiet and closeness that exist between man and wife after a spanking. Any couple can enjoy that. Marriage does not have to be a string of arguments, or petty put-downs, and that’s not what it’s designed to be. A man who has spanked his wife knows he will have peace to come, and he more deeply enjoys seeing his wife, in her manner, her eyes, her beauty. He appreciates her more. She is returned to gentleness by his correction, and this shows through peace in the home. Men enjoy the fruit of peace after they have calmed the storm. 

The intimacy inevitably connected to spanking is attractive to men, just as it is to women. The masculine and feminine elements touch on each other powerfully through discipline as they do through making love. His wife’s body is on view, and he can take all the time he likes to see it. Her body is his to place in its right position, or to touch as he chastises her. She may be resting upon his lap, as he feels her warmth, or bent over at the waist, for him to enjoy as he chooses. She may take some of the same positions for being spanked as she does for sex.  Her bottom is on display, one of the most sexual parts of her body, and at times her sex is also on display. Even more so during a spanking, than during sex, she expresses her submission physically, receiving the stings of the strokes as her means of giving herself to him. She is giving her body to her man. She releases cries and groans in response to his hand. Any man would enjoy the totality of her giving as she gives him her body during correction.

The practical effects of regular discipline please men. Even men who are skeptical at first are appreciative of spanking when they see bad habits and bad behaviors disappear. Her arguing diminishes. She doesn’t put things off forever, or refuse to do her work. Bold disobedience becomes nearly unheard of. His wife, marriage, and home are protected against many attacks of the enemy. Men see the difference quickly, and even family friends see the difference when they visit. He also knows that when future transgressions arise, he has a means to correct them, and return his wife to the right attitude. He will manage any storm. These things all add to a man knowing the authority he has in marriage, and living that headship to its fullness. Thus, he better manages her day to day, finding her soft to his touch, and more responsive to gentle words. In short, spanking is a successful tool in his hands. 

It should be no surprise then that spanking has an allure for men as it does for women. When they take their wives in hand this way, they nourish their wives, and aid their own leadership. They gain practical benefit too, as they cleanse the wife of some of the worst of her behavior, and make the home a place of joyful relationships, and protected from the storm which seeks to destroy it. The man fully and deeply steps into his authority. He can know the satisfaction of giving correction, through bringing justice, and enjoying the beautiful sight of his wife. He can see something right in the world as a wife kneels in honor and service before her king.


29 responses to “Why Men Like to Spank”

  1. I am not ashamed to say that when I spank or strap my wife, there is a sense of satisfaction. She has behaved inappropriately and the spanking is an educational tool. When she is serving her post spanking cornertime with her red bottom on display, she is a pleasant sight, even in disgrace. I know that immediately after she stands in the corner, she will give me a thank you blowjob. And blowjobs are wonderful. Very satisfying see the fruits of my labour

  2. Darcy NH Avatar
    Darcy NH

    My husband says he doesn’t always like spanking me but he does it because God has called us to it.

    1. A Reel man Avatar
      A Reel man

      I am sorry but I call baloney on that. All men who have taken the task of wife spanking enjoy doing it. You know how about when you discipline a child you say ‘this hurts me more than it hurts you’ even though its not really true. Well I think that is what your husband is doing to you. I think he doesn’t want you to know how much he enjoys seeing you humbled and your bottom aching before him.

      1. Hello Reel Man, I would not necessarily assume that. It’s possible, but different men spank for different reasons. I believe most men find some enjoyment in it.

      2. Darcy NH Avatar
        Darcy NH

        Reel Man,
        This is Darcy’s husband Nick. I don’t appreciate you insinuating to my wife that I am a liar. I am being completely honest when I say that I often don’t get satisfaction from spanking her and I rarely get sexually aroused. Spanking and disciplining my wife was something I came to only after a lot of prayer and biblical guidance. Mark my words that spanking is used infrequently in my household and is so steeped in our faith that I consider it a holy act that we are performing for God.
        My wife humbles herself before me in the way I humble myself before God. I never EVER lay a hand on my precious wife for discipline without a long prayer first to make sure I am acting right by God.
        We do not end our discipline sessions with my sexual gratification, but on our knees next to each other praising the Lord.

    2. Darcy, I would trust the word of your husband. Husbands and wives communicate sexual feelings to one another all the time, why wouldn’t he be able to be honest with you about this aspect of things?

      My husband tells me how he feels after spanking me sometimes. There are times he tells me that he feels “better” after discipline because something that was wrong was made right. There are times he is aroused, too. There are times he isn’t aroused at all. There are also times he does this as a duty and is still very annoyed and angry at me afterwards and tells me that he doesn’t feel better at all, but he’s simply done what needed to be done and it will take a while for him to feel any better. There are times he is overwhelmed with warmth towards me and gratitude that I rendered to him my submission. There are times it’s not particularly emotional for him either way, it’s just the thing that he has decided needs to happen, he gives to me what he feels is appropriate, and we uneventfully go on to our next task.

      It makes sense that my husband might have a different emotional experience about spanking me depending on the situation between us, the offense, how he decides to deliver the discipline, etc. Just as I too have a varied inward reaction as well.

      Sometimes I’m broken that I even HAVE to be disciplined. Sometimes I’m very detached and I have to concentrate on what is happening to even connect it to my heart and mind. Sometimes I’m eager to come under him and glad for the opportunity. Sometimes I’m in full rebellion, think his reasons for disciplining me are flat out wrong, and I am submitting to his discipline quite begrudgingly (although usually my attitude is quite changed by the time he is done.).

      Discipline, like any other part of our relationship, has a whole host of shades of different meanings and tones and emotions behind it, depending on the meaning it has in that particular day and time. I think for both of us this would be the case.

      1. Darcy NH Avatar
        Darcy NH

        Thank you for a wonderful comment, Heather. This is Nick, Darcy’s husband. I usually don’t read or comment here but Reel Man’s comment had Darcy rather upset. I’m happy you are such a wonderful sister in submission for my wife.

  3. “Spanking a woman is satisfying to men in part because there is something satisfying in seeing a proud or rebellious person humbled.”

    That right there is a great starter on what means and feels like to exercise authority in any aspect, not just from a husband’s or a father’s perspective but also as a man.
    Which brings the clarity that it is only natural for a man to exercise authority, not only through his speech but through his strength as well. It feels fulfilling, rightful and brings enjoyment because we are filling perfectly what our nature as men is designed to be, there is even that unconscious sense of pleasure that is even instinctive like we were born knowing how to do it and how to be in that position, again it is natural. So does the woman on the opposite end.
    Truth to be told it is so engraved in our essence as humans to play those roles of hierarchical system that as we’re born we’re already doing it, in school, in workplaces, in government institutions, in life in general, it is impliedly consensual, no place for arguments here, (of course nowadays when we talk about the type of relationship Aron majorly discuss on this site, there has to be some sort of verbalized deal between some of the couples who practice it because our society is twisted, a disclaimer so I’m not taken wrongly) what I mean it is that these roles are in our essences in many ways and because of it fulfilling them is not only natural and right but joyfull and pleasant as the article describes so well.

  4. Wondering Avatar

    “Spanking a woman is satisfying to men in part because there is something satisfying in seeing a proud or rebellious person humbled.” I’m sorry, but that is pretty annoying to me. Because I don’t know about other women, but by the time I get a spanking, I’ve already humbled myself. I think a truly rebellious person, would never submit to a spanking. And by the way, it kind of bugs me how it seems like there’s so much emphasis on a woman who sins and how a man has to bring about justice. It just seems like men are JUST we human as women and nobody focuses on him or his need for correction. Anyways, I just get aggravated sometimes because how it’s made to seem somehow like women are worse behaved than men. And I don’t believe that.

    1. Hello Wondering, Women are under men’s guidance and authority. Just because they get corrected by their husbands does not necessitate that they are worse behaved, though sometimes they are. They are corrected because they broke the rules, and it will help them grow a a woman and a wife.

      I find that there is unique humbling in giving a spanking, which is beyond a wife simply admitting she was wrong. Naturally, the wife is humbled physically through the act of discipline, through her tears, her words of remorse, and the correction as a whole. If a mere verbal correction took care of that, there would be less need to spank. However, spanking is generally more effective. It helps correct the wrong, and also keep a wife’s attitude in the right place.

      There is great peace in the home after a spanking, and wives tend to be more gentle and enthusiastic in serving their men. That is what I have found, and I hear similar things from other couples.

  5. Gretchen Avatar

    Hello aron. I’m curious on your thoughts if this is the same reason why men tend to workout more than women do.

    I love how my husband spends time each week at the gym working out his muscles, and while I understand it is probably for health reasons, he says a large reason that he consistently works out is so that he can provide me stronger discipline to me each week.

    Do you or anyone else here believe it is reasonable for a man to workout for the reason that he may spank his wife stronger each week?

    1. Hello Gretchen, Thank you for your comment and for visiting my discipline site. I have not heard of that before. I doubt many men go to the gym for that reason. Men in general just wish to be strong, as well as to be manly. They look and feel better, and they enjoy the greater strength.

      It actually doesn’t take that much strength to give a good hard spanking with an instrument. If you used too much strength with one, that would be dangerous. You don’t have to be a muscle man with a paddle. Some extra strength would help with giving a spanking by hand, since it is not as hard as an instrument. I’ve heard some men can give quite a strong spanking with their hand, but I find that too much work.

    2. Women workout at significantly higher rate than men for obvious reasons actually. As far as his comment, I strongly suggest it’s a sarcastic joke.

  6. bsab624 Avatar

    I’ve read several different articles on Christian marriage discipline but this is the first I’ve commented on. I am hoping you can help me figure something out. I have been married to my husband for a little over 10 years. We have had only a handful of real arguments. I believe the man is the head of the household just as Jesus is the head of The Church. My questions are about a few different things. First- we ALL sin and fall short of the glory of God, so how does the husband get disciplined? Second- how often does a woman get disciplined? Where would a husband draw the line? Example could be of me starting a deep cleaning project but not finishing it which leaves the house messy for a while but I have two kids, a dog, and I’m also a nursing student. In that scenario, in your expertise, would it be harsh for my husband to discipline me or understanding to give me more time so I can juggle everything? (We do not currently do disciplinary spanking) Third- maintenance spanking. What is your take on that??

    Thank you so much for taking time to read this!

    1. Hello, Thank you for visiting my discipline website. I’m glad you recognize the authority your husband has, and I know you will do your best to obey him.

      If a husband sins, he can be corrected by male peers, by the pastor at his church, or if it is criminal, by the government. He can also be corrected by the Almighty. Since he is the head of the home, there is no one else above him to discipline him, but you can help him by your godly behavior, as well as offer gentle counsel.

      I have this one article about that basic subject: https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2023/03/03/when-the-man-gets-it-wrong/

      Discipline should be given as often as it is needed. There really is no set frequency. It is best to punish consistently, but also not to worry about small passing mistakes. I really can’t tell you what would be best in each particular situation, because much of that is a judgment call for the husband to make. He may find there is a reason for mercy in a given situation depending on various factors, but you need to respect his decision.

      I believe maintenance spanking can be helpful for women who have trouble being submissive, or who backslide in a recurring way. In other instances, I do not find it necessary, and think it may become confusing and hard to distinguish from punishment.

      I have this and another article on the topic of maintenance:


      I hope that helps answer your questions. I believe nearly any husband will find discipline to be a useful tool in marriage. May yours continue to be full of joy and peace.

      1. bsab624 Avatar

        I really appreciate your quick response and the way you break it down to explain it. I would love to pick your brain about so much more if that would be ok?

        1. You’re welcome. It’s fine if you ask more questions. Feel free to write me at my e-mail as well.

  7. Marty Avatar

    I don’t like spanking my wife either. But it’s important to me to be there for her. To help her overcome her sin and to help protect her from walking away from her relationship with the Lord. It’s my duty to do these things even if I don’t always like the process. I do it because I respect my wife.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Marty. Discipline does need to be treated like a responsibility. Its purpose is not for fun, even if some people enjoy it.

      1. William Avatar

        I have been spanking my wife for 6 months now and don’t see an improvement or see us getting any closer.

        Should I just continue doing it as it is my responsibility to see that she doesn’t sin. She has said she feels as though she is getting nothing from it.


        1. Hello William, Thank you for your question. I would not expect many results immediately. It is also important to remember that punishment comes hand in hand with regular leadership in the home; the spiritual guidance, and verbal correction that you give her. It comes together with a godly and pure home life. As these things continue and grow, it will be easier to guide your wife, whether through words or chastisement. You should also make sure that spankings given are hard enough, and come with a clear lesson for her to learn.

          It is right to view correcting your wife has your responsibility. I find nearly all couples who continue with spanking and who persevere over obstacles find that discipline is successful. However, if in the long run it does not work for your wife, you can guide her with other methods.

          Take care.

          1. William Avatar

            Thanks so much Aron. I will just have to be patient and my wife did admit to me that she needs my guidance and corrections. That made me feel much better.


  8. Learning Avatar

    I am new to this blog and have left comments on a few posts, many apologies. It is just that so much of your writing resonates with my heart.

    My husband has just started implementing spanking in our marriage. And he does seem to like it. He is older than I. I am 31 and he is 48. He is also bigger than I. I weigh about 110 pounds, and he is around 160. There have been times when he has turned me over his knee, flipped up my skirt, pulled down my panties, and begun spanking my bare bottom before I even knew what is happening. I never knew that he saw my behavior as so naughty until he started the discipline sessions.

    His spankings make me afraid to break his rules, mostly his rule against back-talking. In fact, he has recently told me that the next time I raise my voice at him he will add a mouth soaping into our discipline session.

    Here is my question. When will I stop fearing his discipline so much? For example, the spankings are really painful. Last time he spanked me with his hand, then with a wooden spoon from our kitchen! And my bottom was red for hours.

    I know that my bottom is under his authority, but with the spankings I find myself crying, squirming, and kicking. I really dont like them.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Hello Katherine, It is normal to have some fear of being spanked. Even after years of being disciplined, don’t be surprised if you are nervous about a coming spanking. A spanking needs to hurt, and that is a part of how it accomplishes its goal. The most important thing when you have one coming is that you focus your heart on learning the lesson which he will give you. Regret your wrong deeply, and think about how you will make it right in the future. Let your mind dwell on those things, rather than on fear.

      If a spanking leaves a wife’s bottom red for hours, it is not on the severe end of spanking, which can leave it marked up for days, or a week. It takes some adapting to, for sure, but I know you can face it. When I give my wife a spanking for a serious offense, she usually has a sore behind for over a day. Be grateful your husband only leaves your bottom red for hours, and make it your goal to follow his rules.

  9. Thank you for this insightful post, Aron! My husband and I had never really discussed how he feels about disciplining me. We’ve talked about how it’s necessary, how I benefit from it, and how it’s improved our marriage, but not how he feels in his own heart. This gave me the opportunity to talk with him about it, and I feel so close to him right now.

    He shared that he does enjoy spanking me for some of the reasons you mentioned above, but mostly he enjoys the satisfaction of doing what needs to be done to keep our marriage on course. He said the best moment for him is watching my hard spots melt – my little nuggets of resentment or rebellion that soften into love and gratitude and pleas for forgiveness. My experience is clearly different, but I do feel a sense of euphoria when the pain forces me to give myself over to my husband without reservation. When my resistance melts and my heart softens and I just want him to hold me. It’s a beautiful moment for both of us.

    I think it’s right for a man to feel satisfaction when spanking his wife and to take delight in the sight and feel of her body. I guess I’ve always thought of my punishment as a burden to my husband, and it makes me happy to think of the benefits it brings him as well. He works hard for our marriage, and he should be proud of himself.

    1. That’s a wonderful attitude to have, Sophia. A woman should always want her husband to be satisfied, including when he is applying discipline. It takes real understanding to be able to desire that. I know many women would find that a hard thing to want.

      I’m very glad you can add that angle to the subject. A man can be deeply rewarded in seeing his wife’s resistance fade, and seeing her return to her softness. Just as you describe, you can also feel very good once your own hardness is gone. Anyone who cannot understand how discipline works between a man and a wife should consider that insight.

      Blessings to you both.

  10. elizaishis Avatar

    I never quite understood when my husband would say he didn’t enjoy having to spank me but it did bring him pleasure and satisfaction exercising his authority over me. After reading this I now u deist and what he meant.

  11. Pam Styles Avatar
    Pam Styles


    For the domestic discipline to work, the husband has to enjoy spanking his wife. Any woman who wants this should want her husband to enjoy it.

    If he does not, it’s just a matter of time before he “does not have time” for this, before the ball game on TV is more important or before he “forgot” about it.

    As for guys who say they are doing it but don’t enjoy it, their disclaimer is either a lie or them just trying to be “above it all”, sad for wives in either case.

    I would rather my husband be looking forward to teaching his naughty wife some lessons in behavior than be indifferent. I would rather he be thinking about and planning the red welts and marks he was going to raise on my rump than not like it. I would rather he want to hear my cries and sobs than be board with it. I would rather my husband just be angry with me and be venting his anger-all of it on my rear end than not care. Although I asked for this, I want him to want it too. I am glad I have his passion. I would hate it if it was just for me. Does this make sense?


    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Hello Pam, I would agree that it helps to have some level of enjoyment for spanking your wife. That provides motivation, and it helps be consistent with discipline. However, I would say there are exceptions, and some men legitimately don’t enjoy it much, but do it for its usefulness.

      Even as a man who can enjoy spanking his wife, both in terms of humbling her and being physically close to her, there are plenty of times I am busy, or would rather rest, so I need to find other inner motivation besides enjoyment. The fact I believe it is helpful is often what motivates me when I really don’t feel like it. Women in general can tell that their husbands like to do it, and I would hope they want it to be enjoyable for their husbands, since they want to please them.

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