Can the Unbeliever Learn about Discipline from the Christian?

I know there are some people who feel radically uncomfortable about going on a Christian spanking site, because they don’t agree with some Christian beliefs, or find them very odd. They still read articles. They continue to come. However, there can be a disconnect on certain subjects. A few may reject learning from these sites entirely. Does the difference in belief and convictions make the subject matter too different as well? Are the spanking practices of the Christian and the unbeliever significantly different? Will the unbeliever learn and benefit from a Christian instructor? Differences are unavoidable, but I don’t see that they are a major obstacle to teaching.

I think a parallel question would be: can the unbeliever learn about flying a plane from a Christian? It seems the obvious answer is yes! The physics of a plane, the engineering of one, the steering of one, do not change based on whether on is a Christian or a Humanist. They are all the same. The tools available are the same as well. That includes our bodies, which are used to fly the plane, and the hand tools used by the airplane mechanic. The electronics are the same. The methods of programming. It seems if we look at it this way — admittedly the material level — the Secular student can learn to fly an airplane from the Christian teacher.

The same is true of the material level in discipline, even though as we’ll see, how we manage it is altered by what you cannot see. Yet about the materials, they are all the same. I have spoken various times about how universal male headship is in the home. It can be found across the globe not only among different people groups, but among different religions and cultures as well. Spanking in marriage has also been practiced across radically different cultures. The unbeliever and the Christian have the same material there to work with, which is why it has been so common in the first place. Body and soul, we are built to recognize and appreciate the relationship of headship and submission. The man’s drive and desire to command. The woman’s soft yielding, and her yearning to experience her man’s power. These are in our inner program, and do not change with religion any more than the parts of the airplane change with religion.

Power and submission work hand in hand with the punishment of wrongs. Punishment of wrongs is also virtually universal. Any human being has an innate sense of justice from when they are a small child. We know that evils deserve to be punished, and there is a removal of guilt when they are. There is a real penalty to be paid. Our souls can all appreciate the freeing we have from guilt once the punishment is over, as well as peacefulness in the soul that comes with being humbled and accepting authority. We know how appropriate expressions of remorse are. Being freed of bad behavior has clear benefits which also cross culture and belief system, and which are evident to all.

Similarly, the experience of the spanking is notably the same in all its significant aspects, regardless of belief system. This includes not only similar positions, instruments, and rituals, but the inner effects of the spanking on the soul as well. Anyone can use their hand, a strap, a paddle regardless of belief system. The vulnerability, shame, tears, and inner cleansing can be known to any woman when over her husband’s knee. Spankings are effective for disciplining a woman regardless of her faith. It works directly on her soul. The man’s inner drive to lead his wife, including the strong sexual urge during discipline, does not know doctrinal bounds either. Sexual service or sexual play after a spanking are incredibly common. Similarly the husband’s self-control, firmness, and desire to right the wrong all are common to every man. I don’t think the unbeliever would hear anything on these topics or similar ones that would not make sense.

Then there are the differences. Those are not in the mechanics of spanking, or the universal respect for authority an submission, but in the overall purpose of leading a wife, and the values of the home. The purpose for the Christian is to represent the Savior and His Bride. The man should treasure his wife and Christ treasures his special chosen people, and should wash her clean and Christ does for His people. He thinks how the Lord Jesus will present to the Father His Bride He has taken forth; beautiful, pure, and to be greatly admired. He wants to help her grow as a spiritual and virtuous woman, and desires her so much she is worthy of giving his life for. This is not control for the sake of control, but is the work of a benevolent monarch in nourishing and protecting his people.

The Christian also approaches these goals of leading his wife with different values than most Humanists in the West today. He does not lead her to be lewd and sensual, as the popular images of women in our culture commonly represent, or as much of the bdsm world does. She is not to put her skin or her sex on public display for people. Rather, he leads her to be modest, soft, and gentle. People should look at her and see something wholesome and pure, not a fashion or sex object. They should see a woman who speaks appropriately, shows that gentle feminine wisdom, and does not try to act like a man. She is honest, cares for home and children, reads God’s Word and prays, and serves her husband for the glory of God.

The Christian also has a sound basis for the headship and submission in marriage. This is God’s will for us. It is a part of His design in us, and our path in life. For the Humanist, headship and submission ends up being little more than theater, or a personal preference. Like any other value, or moral judgment, a man and wife practice this just because they like it. It is their preference or the overall leaning of their personality. It has no true intrinsic value. He isn’t really the leader in any way other than opinion. His goals for her aren’t really good goals in any way other than opinion, his opinion or the culture’s. Man and wife in a secular world have no real roles to live out other than the roles they find in their imagination. So ultimately, while some would find it insulting, I don’t believe they have any more than a game going on. They are basically getting their kicks.

That difference in the foundation of the practice is also why we see other differing uses of discipline appear. Among Christians, leadership, submission, and spanking are for marriage. In the secular world, it appears among couples who fornicate, among same-sex couples, as well as in marriage. Marriage then, appears to be just one opinion among many. We also see more likelihood to go to the extremes in the secular discipline world. You can see punishments promoted that are more painful, injurious, bloody, and sometimes downright disgusting. Most of this is kept out of Christian marital discipline. The teachings of Scripture, the spirit of love, and a traditional respect for natural law easily remove some of the more severe and oddball punishments from the Christian home. So the faith puts certain rails in there. The average secularist seems to lack them.

Whatever we believe in, whether in the God of Creation, or the uplifting of man alone, we are a person of faith. Everyone believes in something. We all believe in things we do not see, and trust authorities we hold to be credible. One’s faith gives certain end goals, as well as limitations. It affects what we hold dear, and what we despise. However, the material we deal with is little affected by our belief system, as the material is for the most part simply our tools. Our machine. Our logical and physical laws. That’s why I think most secular readers will be able to get a lot out of this website, even if they do find a few things opaque, and get offended sometimes. I believe it can help them along to understanding discipline, introducing it in their marriage, and applying it successfully over time. They will not have the same ultimate destination with it, although I wish that they did. They will not always apply it in the same way, due to differing values. I do hope reading a Christian discipline site gives them some exposure to truths of the faith, and moments to stop and think about them. The entire process of love, protection, teaching, and correction that a man gives his wife, is only a picture of what mankind needs through redemption. We must be humble, come to our knees, repent, and believe. The Bridegroom who cleanses us is Christ.

[While this article focuses on the similarities and differences with secular unbelievers, it would be more complex and interesting to get into the similarities and differences with traditional believers of other religions. Both Hindus and Muslims have religious doctrine that teaches the man’s leadership, as well as cultural practices in marriage that are different from Christians. Even mechanics of spanking can show a little variety due to culture, such as in the form of an instrument, or in unique rituals. Perhaps that’s a topic for another article.]

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2 responses to “Can the Unbeliever Learn about Discipline from the Christian?”

  1. I wonder how you feel about Catholicism. My husband and I are Catholic and find great strength in the church.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Hello Lily, I view Catholics as another kind of Christian. If they are trusting in Christ and seeking to lead a righteous life, I trust they are saved. Many traditional Catholics would have a similar view of authority and submission in marriage, while liberal Catholics would butcher it, in similar fashion as liberal Protestants. I have heard from a few traditional Catholic readers who also practice discipline in their marriage.

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