Why Can’t I Cry?

While a spanking is an intense and humbling experience, which will produce flows of tears from most women, there are some women who find they cannot cry during a spanking. This is naturally frustrating for them. They may be envious of other women who can cry during a spanking, and frequently do not feel fully punished or cleansed by the spanking as a result. They still feel a bit guilty inside. They still feel a bit prideful or hard towards their husband. They know the cleansing power of tears and wish they could experience its wonderful power. This is not an incredibly rare obstacle to face, and women should know they are not the only one facing it. They should also know there are things they can do that will help facilitate the fuller, and more cathartic experience they desire.

Before we get to that, it’s important to remember that even if you are not reaching the fullness of what a punishment can be, or rarely do, that does not mean that punishment is not accomplishing its overall goal. Just because something does not reach its fullest form doesn’t mean it is without value. How many of us love our spouses as much and as passionately as we ought to? Yet we still have good, loving, peaceful homes. How many love God as zealously as we ought to? Yet we still retain faith, love, and obedience to Him. Similarly, a punishment typically is accomplishing what it needs to regardless of tears. It is objectively assuring a wife pays the penalty for her wrong, and cleanses her of her guilt. It is providing a strong deterrent against future wrong behavior. It is returning her to submission, and putting her on the right track with her behavior. The fact a woman does not “feel” so fully cleansed, or as remorseful as she should, does not change that. Discipline is still valuable.

Of course, I’d like to look at some of the things which make crying harder for women when they are spanked. If these obstacles are taken out of the way, I expect it would become easier, though not assured, to cry during a spanking. Several of them are interrelated, relating to the attitude of the mind:

Being Tense: If a woman is tense this can make it harder to release her emotions and cry. The struggles of the day may have her locked up inside, and she may not fully shift into the softer mode of correction, and remorse. The regular work and obstacles of the day may make her numb to her husband’s correction. That’s one reason why a discipline session really needs to establish a different spirit than daily interactions. It should be long enough and serious enough to require a change of mind and attitude. It should be without distractions, and set apart from daily activities. Concerns of the day need to be temporarily left behind. 

Not Accepting Guilt: A woman who has not recognized and accepted her guilt for her actions may be hampered in crying. She may be hardening her heart, and this will inhibit her during the correction. A wife needs to accept both guilt and full responsibility, and this will help her heart to shed tears over her wrong. For it is the guilt and shame which help to bring tears, and not only the pain of the spanking itself. She should know she did wrong, it was serious, and inexcusable. 

Not Expressing Remorse: Often it is the verbal expression of remorse and sorrow which start to allow the tears to flow. A wife should certainly express in some detail, and repeatedly, the sorrow for her wrongs. Pouring out her remorse verbally can easily flow into pouring out tears. That’s one reason that words are so important during a discipline session. They will positively affect her mind and heart as she expresses them. 

Not Being Humbled Enough: The humbling of a discipline session also helps a woman feel the necessary sorrow and shame, and express them with her whole heart. Whether it is the sternness of the lecture, her nudity, and her need to follow instructions during the session itself, she should feel humbled and under the power of her husband. This helps her feel her vulnerability. It helps her let go of her pride. She has nothing of her own, but is simply in his hands. 

The Lack of a Stern Lecture: A husband should know that his lecturing during the session is very important. It should help her see her responsibility and the seriousness of her wrong. These alone will help her learn from the correction, and also to shed tears during it. She needs to see her man’s disappointment in her as well, and the fact he is legitimately upset. The husband need to be unwavering and firm. Just as good preaching can bring a heart to tears over the human condition, and over our own personal sin, a good lecture during correction impresses something deeply on the heart, and awakens it to feel emotions more fully. 

An Analytical Mind: If a woman is very analytical in her mind, or is simply caught up in many mental activities, the release of crying can be harder to accomplish. At the minimum those thoughts are a distraction, and worst they keep her trying to be in control, and never letting go. Much of emotional release is about letting go, so if possible, any mental distractions need to disappear. It will help to be fully drawn into the discipline situation, and to focus the mind on the lesson at hand. However, I realize that’s not so easy for some personalities to accomplish, since the mind keeps working on its own. 

An Insufficient Spanking: Sometimes the reason a woman cannot cry during a spanking is very simple. The spanking just needs to be harder and more thorough. A short spanking, or some mild taps usually don’t do the job. A spanking ought to hurt, and it ought to be long enough that she is wishing it was over. She should not want to experience it again. A spanking which is hard and long has not only intensity on its side, but it often has the woman overwhelmed, wondering if she can handle it, and wondering when it will ever be over. In all of this she can lose control more fully, and that loss of control itself helps with being able to cry. 

One key that helps with most of these obstacles is trust. A wife needs to fully trust in her man. She needs to be fully placing herself in his hands, know he is more than fit to handle her. That trust also amounts to giving up control, which encourages much of what I’ve just spoken about, whether her humbling, her accepting responsibility, or her turning her mind away from the day and onto her husband’s lesson for her. A strong bond of trust, which comes with love and protection, always helps a woman, and is essential for discipline anyway. She is under her husband’s protection, even when he is spanking her. She belongs to him always, and especially when she is baring herself during her correction. That trust will build over time, and nurtures her soul. 

A woman needs a certain ability to let go during a correction if she is going to cry. There simply is no formula for letting go, but I believe working on these areas will help husbands and wives accomplish that goal. Feel free to try other tactics than the ones I have mentioned. They are useful for all, not just the wives who have trouble crying. In some cases, tears may never happen. However, you should not worry, since the correction can serve its purpose without those tears. You will still enjoy the good fruit of discipline in the home. 

NOTE: A big Thank You to whomever posted a link to my website on Facebook.

I want to advise our readers, that even if you are comfortable with others knowing that you believe in spanking, or use spanking in marriage, it is wisest to comment here with an anonymous e-mail account, and not use your real name.