Should I Tell Someone We Spank?

It is natural to want to talk about discipline with others, to share encouragement and support, and also to share difficulties, and to seek needed help. This is especially true of the woman, who is dealing with the harder end of the practice, and may want encouragement in learning submission, or in dealing with punishments. The online world, though not fully anonymous considering all the digital fingerprints you leave, is anonymous enough that many people do share and learn this way. However, there is nothing like real personal support by someone you know. A human being with a voice, in the flesh, you can talk to about what is private practice for almost everyone — the discipline system in your home.


Should man or wife talk about this part of their home life with a personal friend? Many have trusted in a single close friends, and benefited this way. But even with a close friend, there is never perfect security that your private life won’t be made public. Others get to know some of the online bloggers, and eventually talk on the phone or meet in person for shared activities. This is certainly safer than a colleague at work, but there are no guarantees. A few of those people are imposters, and others might leave discipline behind, and be more than happy to spill the beans.

I would say that if it’s important enough to you, and you could really use the fellowship and the guidance, go ahead, but take the best precautions you have. Choose someone you know well, and have known for some time. Choose someone who understands this is a private part of your life and is prepared to respect that. They may be honored to be the one to learn about that part of your life with you, and be enthusiastic in offering you the support you need. Not everyone gets a glimpse into that level of your life, so it really is a special connection.


I have only spoken with one friend about the fact I discipline my wife, although I am certain a few others close to us just figured it out on their own. She was telling me about a lady friend’s behavior, which sounded very irresponsible, and disrespectful of her boyfriend. I told her — If my wife did any thing like that, I would punish her. She would never get away with that. My friend was surprised, and asked me how I punished my wife. I told her. When my wife misbehaves, I take off my belt and I strap her bottom. Then she learns her lesson. My friend said — Wow, you are cruel. I said — No, it’s not cruel. It’s a punishment and she knows she earned it. It works, and it helps keep her in line. We are happy together and we love each other. She just knows that she gets punished. I think it would help a lot of other marriages out there be peaceful, and happy too.

Then we went on to talk about other things. That is how normal I believe wife spanking out to be, normal enough that it’s worth talking about, at least in the right setting and right conversation. That’s something I would tell only a few people, but in the future, if the culture changes regarding spanking, we may be able to be more open. My friend still knows. If she tries to ruin my future presidential campaign, so be it. So far she has been a better friend than that.

One reason those in marital discipline may want to speak about their practice is to help other couples benefit from the same. Almost anyone can think of a married couple in which the wife definitely needs firm guidance, and could benefit from being spanked soundly over her husband’s knee. It is easy for me to think of a few off the top of my head — especially those couples I know in which the wife clearly makes life miserable for the husband, and has little respect. Naturally, many of us would want to sit down with them, especially the husband, and introduce the tools that will help him lead the household, and turn his wife’s behavior around. We want their marriage to work better, and spanking will help them.

Talking about your life with others is good, at the minimum, to be out in the open about things. It’s always fulfilling to be able to speak your mind and heart, even if you don’t really need help with anything. It creates more comfort about it, and makes you feel less alone. At least the women know there are others who go through the same struggles. You can exchange stories, give each other tips, tell jokes, and just let your guard down. We are not built to have our guard up all the time. We should let it down.


For these reasons I believe it is good and healthy to find friends to share this part of your life with. Just be prepared that there is no perfect method of privacy. They could be a bad friend, or they could just let slip accidentally. I believe it is worth the risk for the right companions. The discipline community is larger than you’d think, but online you will only find a small portion of them. A close friend of family member you can trust is also a good option, if there is brotherly love between you. They are more likely to be there as well, present in your life, and physically close. Spanking may be private by its intimate nature, but it should not be a dark secret.


Comments

18 responses to “Should I Tell Someone We Spank?”

  1. […] For real authority, and naturally spanking in the home to be normal, I’d expect that it is no longer hidden, or treated as shameful, or scorned. It is something many would expect a marriage to contain. Along […]

  2. […] — is that spanking your wife is cruel and inhumane. This is why most websites such as these are anonymous. Everyone knows many wives get spanked, but there is still a cultural current of demonizing those […]

  3. […] category in a knee jerk way. Those who know the truth are out there. Those who practice spanking are out there. But these ministers are simply too afraid to teach it, because the culture would lash back at them […]

  4. […] it should be normal — but its reception in society is so poor most spanking relationships are private. That means if you want counsel, or company, you learn to receive it online, typically anonymously. […]

  5. I’m so happy to have my husband’s mother to talk with about this stuff. Herself living in a long DD marriage do understand me and have helped me a lot. But also nice to be able to just casually talk open about your life instead of keeping everything in or like if we have dinner together non of us need to make anything up if someone have a hard time sitting down that day.

  6. I dont know anyone who spanks in their marriage. I wish I had someone to talk to about this lifestyle. My husband has never told anyone he spanks me, yet has advised some younger men he works with and always complain about fighting with their wives, that they should spank their wives and bring peace to the home.

    How do you find like minded people in real life?

    1. Hello Kris. Thank you for your comment. I hope this website can be a chance to meet people who spank, as well as to find friendship with other women.

      This article invites women to meet female mentors and friends: https://www.spankingyourwife.com/2021/07/20/wives-teaching-wives/

      I’m very glad your husband helps other men to learn about spanking. It can indeed help turn around marriages, and bring peace to a home when there is a quarrelsome wife.

  7. I’m curious, Aron, as to what makes you believe some people have figured out on their own that you spank. I’d like to know if we’re going to be giving off tells. 🤣

    1. Hello Lauren, There’s nothing in particular that would tell someone we spank, other than possible over-hearing it, of course. There are some who would guess, just by the fact a couple is clearly traditional, and with the man in charge. They see the wife reverencing her husband, or the husband telling his wife what to do. Let them guess. Nothing wrong with that. 🙂

  8. It’s funny but we have always been able to find couples where the wife is spanked. Most often on forums but in our church too. I think I can tell when a wife is spanked by her husband, women who are spanked behave very differently than those that aren’t. But of course you have to share this information very cautiously. Some time ago my wife and were walking our dog and we saw a neighbor wife in a long kind of night dress gathering sticks and we noticed her husband standing with his arms crossed watching her. He was standing in his front yard and she was across the street in a lightly wooded area. When he saw us he nodded greetings , his wife looked extremely embarrassed. I think I understood what was happening , and I almost made a comment but I didn’t have the nerve to say anything. After my wife and I were well past and out of earshot she looked at me and said ” you don’t think he’s going to spank her with those sticks” . I smiled and told her I would bet when she had gathered enough sticks she would be back in the house with her night dress off getting a spanking, and I was pretty she had nothing on underneath the nightdress. ( it was a long modest floral pattern nightdress , there was nothing immodest about it) This always sticks in my mind , we never became friends and they have since moved away.

    1. Gathering sticks to be spanked with makes an attractive ritual before the punishment. It does seem obvious what’s going on to anyone who sees it. In my experience people heavily into BDSM do not necessarily keep it secret, and usually at least their friends know. Some advertise it with their dress. However, most categorize that as “kink,” so fewer people are afraid of it.

      1. Aron based on her demeanor this doesn’t seem to be the case to me. But I take your point. We have and have had a few friends that embraced the same marriage dynamics as we do and I won’t deny it was sometimes enjoyable talking about this topic. I think there is always some erotic aspect to spanking one’s wife which is why the act must always be private. I think God gave us these feelings to facilitate a wife’s submission and obedience and a husband’s headship . Christian wives generally don’t want to be spanked but they do often desire to be submissive and obedient as comments on this forum and other similar forums indicate. I don’t think the erotic component makes any of this sinful , I dare say God made us , man and women this way with intention . Of course I am not defending BDSM which is a perversion of God’s plan. I know our neighbors were nominal Christians but I don’t know if what they practiced was Christian Domestic Discipline or BSDM but his wife gave every indication of being embarrassed and fearful I think she was holding back tears which doesn’t support that what was happening was BDSM. I certainly can be wrong.

        1. PatriotInPearls Avatar
          PatriotInPearls

          This is probably irrelevant, but it’s just how my mind works: How many sticks does it take to spank someone? 😂 I mean it sounds like she was out gathering kindling. I’ve had to pick a switch once. Believe me, the single one I brought back was sufficient. Weeping willows are brutal.

          1. There are some who use a bundle of very thin twigs, so that is always a possibility. I’ve heard river birch is extremely good.

          2. Whether she was looking for an appropriate stick or sticks I can’t say.What I do know for sure is that she was startled and embarrassed when she noticed us. I remember her quickly looking over at her husband who didn’t react at all except after a short time nodded a greeting to my wife and I. He had his arms folded and had a commanding even smug demeanor. I wanted to say looks like someone is getting a spanking but I couldn’t bring myself to say this since I wasn’t sure what the heck was going on. Though in retrospect I think my wife’s and my take on what was happening is almost certainly correct. I also thought about becoming more socially engaged with him and his wife after this event but I couldn’t bring myself to do this before they moved away. Perhaps I felt uncomfortable about getting to know him better, his wife seemed fine. She was always seemed respectful and polite in the few interactions we had with her. My wife thought she was probably a nice person, and she is usually a good judge of character.

        2. I see what you are saying. There aren’t always such hard divisions between spanking in marriage and BDSM though. One point is that fear of a spanking comes into play sometimes in the latter as well. It may be role play of sorts, but the discipline is usually real, and often harsher than in wife spanking. Plenty of subs in that community would be nervous or afraid of facing a punishment, but would come face it anyway.

          1. That’s interesting I had assumed that the “sub” would desire her spanking. However not to be argumentative to the best of my understanding this lady was the wife of our neighbor so assuming this is true he certainly had every right to spank her.

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