It is best to spank your wife with love and firmness. There are cultural stereotypes about men who beat their wives out of losing their temper, or getting drunk, but this has nothing to do with real discipline. No one I’ve spoken to in domestic discipline accepts that kind of behavior. A good corrective discipline is not given with anger, or any kind of loss of control. If for some reason you are angry in the moment, it is best to wait and attend to the discipline later. Spanking has nothing to do with attacking a person who pissed you off. It is a firm, loving method of correction.
The attitude that a husband should have is one of self-control. He approaches the discipline with a sense of love for his wife, love meaning a care for her good and her betterment. He should also know that despite his natural desire to protect his wife, he will have to be hard with her, and that’s for her own good. He must have calm and self-control while delivering her correction, but at the same time, not be detached or overly calm. Being emotionless would not convey the point well. It’s common to think that a husband punishing his wife is not loving her, but this is false. A husband punishing his wife is loving her through correcting her bad and harmful behavior. It may not be the face of love we usually like to see, but a spanking can be love in action.
It can be good for a husband to draw to mind the seriousness of the offense, remembering that he is right to be offended by it, and how important it is that she commit herself to better behavior. He can think about the possible danger it caused. My wife would never describe me as angry or lacking self-control, but she can certainly hear in my voice sometimes the upset that I feel about her wrong. I will let her have it, especially when it is very serious, but in a controlled way. My concern for her learning from this, and my concern for her protection, are working hand in hand with the need to show her how serious it is. They are working hand in hand with my legitimate offense at what she did. So there is a deep sense of love for her, and a hard correction together.
A husband learning to correct his wife will be learning to balance those things as well. It is necessary to marital discipline. It can also feel like a grand responsibility sometimes. I encourage any husband to view it that way, as a responsibility to be fulfilled, keeping in mind the different parts of the discipline, the goals of the discipline, and the need for his wife to be firmly chastised with love and self-control. Once the hard hand of correction is finished, she will be drawn back completely to know his love. She will be at peace.
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