What is Spank Your Wife?

I’ve been surprised and very gracious at the number of visitors I’ve had at Spank Your Wife, including those who sincerely want to learn, and improve their marriages. I’ve also been greatly blessed to correspond at length with some of you. For first-time visitors though, it still may be unclear the overall purpose of the website, especially due to the number of articles, which take some time to scroll through. I want to be clear about what this discipline guide is, and both in writing it and responding to readers, I have become even clearer than I was at the start.

First, it’s good to know what this guide is not. Spank Your Wife is not a fetish website, for people who simply find spanking exciting, or want to practice it as a hobby. Nor is Spank Your Wife a bdsm website, although I realize some people use a hammered flat understanding of the term, and fit any discipline in the world under that category. Its clear rooting in marriage, in biblical morality, and the limitations taught within discipline; these alone keep it out of the bdsm world. Spank your wife is not a meetup site, although people may leave their contacts to meet prospective marriage partners, who are amenable to discipline. It is not a spanking porn site. It is not a fiction site, though I don’t rule out the occasional work of fiction if a story is helpful, and clearly labeled as fiction. 

Spank Your Wife teaches marital discipline specifically, and Christian marriage more broadly. That is because discipline touches upon the entire world of marriage, and all of its purposes. Spanking is the focus of this discipline guide, with headship and submission both taught and presumed. This guide is rooted in marriage as a God-joined union of one man and one woman for life, with the man as leader, and the wife as his helper. It will never cease to point to what this union, including the discipline contained within it, actually signifies — which is the union of God with His beloved people through Christ. God redeems mankind, and indeed restores all of creation, through His Son. 

That does not mean everyone who reads, comments, or writes a guest article is a Christian. Surely some are not, and I have posted more than one article by a Hindu couple, whose perspective I believe is uniquely valuable. Comments may also come from a Secular reader, or from the Buddhist, Muslim, or Hindu world. Most differences in how spanking is used in marriage come down to smaller cultural differences, and the mechanics of spanking is the same regardless of belief system. Aspects of marriage such as headship and submission have been respected by nearly every belief system on earth until very recent times. Discipline has also been common culturally for thousands of years. So neither male headship nor wife spanking are uniquely Christian. 

Spank Your Wife contains articles on many subjects regarding marriage, and multiple angles on the same subject. These include:

The mechanics of spanking

The use of verbal guidance, instruction, and correction

Headship and submission and how they are applied

How to introduce spanking to your marriage

Dealing with certain obstacles in establishing authority and discipline 

General character of man and wife

Other aspects of gender roles

Sex in marriage, and sex as it relates to discipline 

Answers to the contemporary cultural view of traditional marriage

Defense of spanking as form of discipline

Personal testimonies regarding headship and discipline

Safety in spanking

Things to avoid in leadership or spanking

Readers polls

That list may increase over time. I also take article suggestions from readers, and have already posted material I wrote because of your suggestions. I can’t guarantee to post what you ask, but your ideas are very valuable. Usually there is quite a wait before I can post a suggested topic, because I still am working with a backlog of articles. I suppose I’ll run out eventually, but it hasn’t happened yet. 

This marital guide is written by a man and generally speaks to men. It contains material which is also directed towards women, but the focus is on male readers and helping them understand their role and take charge in their marriage. Men need to hear this, and they need to hear it taught clearly and without apology. Men are the ones who will turn around marriage and turn around this society in the future, so they need to knowledge and the boldness to do so.

The fact this web-guide is focused on spanking, does not mean that spanking makes up 90% of a marriage. It does not mean that things like love and communication make up only 5% of marriage each. It only means that the focus of the website is spanking, so that will make up most material you see here. Naturally discipline is only one aspect of marriage, and it exists harmoniously with other aspects. Spanking itself is not a core element, although a man’s leadership is. It’s only a tool. People who spank their wives do so a small minority of time in a marriage, although if a wife has a serious attitude problem, it may be more often than you’d expect. Discipline itself is only there to help a wife get over problems, and correct her for serious wrongs. Most of the time it is neither thought about nor performed. Gentle and obedient wives do not get punished often.

The comments here are for basic questions and answers on the topics of the website. You may also share a story from your own life, if it would be helpful to others. However, they are not for long debates, for promoting alternative lifestyles, or for the discussion of topics far outside the purpose of this web-guide. If you desire to discuss matters at greater length than allowed, you can contact people at their e-mails, or write me at mine. Comments should be truthful, although naturally you can change a few details for anonymity’s sake. You can expect, like at other websites, that at least some of the comments are fiction.

Readers can also submit an article request. Such requests have inspired me to write on certain topics, even though it takes time to compile and post new material. Your ideas are an inspiration. If you have a guest article you’d like to write, just bounce the idea off me, as I post these occasionally. Guest articles on topics I do not have experience with, or which reflect valuable personal testimony, are especially welcome. I also invite more testimonies from spanking couples in other cultures than the West, such as from readers in Africa, Asia, or Latin America.

I hope this discipline material helps you to better your life and your marriage. Through bettering your marriage you will also better this world. Family provides powerful blessings which live on through the generations, nourish and bring peace to our children. It is the foundation of society and culture. There are few things more important than doing marriage the right way, which is through mutual love and authority, with the husband as the king of the home. It is life giving, full of power, and provides us our future. 


15 responses to “What is Spank Your Wife?”

  1. Thank you, I believe that is very helpful clarification. It seems there is often confusion by some about the purpose of such teaching and it’s primary audience which leads them to the wrong conclusions.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      My pleasure. I’m glad the article provides helpful clarification.

  2. Searching Avatar

    Happy Lord’s day Aron,

    I was reading through this post and as I read, I take it slow and click on the additional links. The “headship” link took me to the article called “Leadership like Christ”. Wow that is so well written. It is packed full of truths. When I think of male leadership I always think of the lyrics of Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus. He wrote about Christ’s Kingship and being the Lord. ” King of Kings and Lord of Lords”.

    Well who are the lesser lords and kings? It is MEN! And as you so eloquently wrote in your article, they are the kings, lords and leaders of their homes. And Christ is their Lord and King (us too ladies). But men share in that unique and great mystery of being Christ like and created in the image and likeness of God. Women were created for men, to be his helper. God is only referred to in scriptures in the masculine, Father or son, never mother or daughter. I hope and pray that men start to reclaim what is rightfully theirs, their birthright! Step up and be leaders, the world needs you. Your wives and children need you to lead. Use your God given authority.

    My husband shares with me each day what is going on in the world. We don’t have cable so I get my news from my husband. He brings me my coffee in bed (his gift to me each day) and then he fills me in on what happened yesterday and overnight. And as he shares with me and we discuss, it quickly becomes clear that most problems boil down to poor leadership and are due to weak men not doing their job of leading but compromising. Men never compromise. Stay strong in your convictions.

    But I know there is hope. God said that there will always be a remnant and that the “Gates of Hell will not prevail against My church”. ” My church” his bride. My husband thinks we are in a chastisment and are being punished for allowing His commandments to be broken with the decline of our world. Your followers are the remnant.

    Also, last week my husband asked me to accompany him to church for the installation of various offices that the deacons in training had achieved. I think it is a five year Seminary program to be ordained a deacon and on their way in their training, they are elevated to several offices. These men were installed as lectors (readers) and acolytes (serving on the alter). I watched a very ancient ceremony unfold and I was comforted by the knowledge that only MEN are ordained in the Catholic church. I was overwhelmed by the presence of so much masculine power and how they had all answered God’s call to serve His bride, the church. I was also struck by how humble they were. Seeing men on their knees and humbling themselves before God was an awesome and captivating sight. It is hard to put into words. I saw real masculine leadership.

    It is what I picture when you write and try to explain to people when they ask you, “Who do the men answer to, how are they punished?” Through your articles, I picture a husband on his knees, in his private prayer closet, humbling himself before God and asking for forgiveness, guidance and the wisdom to do his job as leader, lord and king in his home. His home is his castle! I see a man lifting up those he loves and cares for and prays for and asking, begging for answers. If men are not doing this then they will not be able to lead their homes. It can’t be asymmetric all punishment and no reaching out to God for guidance. Being in leadership is hard. It is not for the weak and faint of heart.

    My husband didn’t get to see the bishop install these men because he was preparing and serving refreshments at the reception. He is a member of the Knights of Columbus, a men’s organization. They did the reception. It was men serving men. He asked me what I thought and I said it was amazing and I pumped my fist and said ” Go Patriarchy”. Women are not ordained, they take vows of celibacy and serve the church as single women or join orders of nuns.

    I know some of your readers may have a different view of women pastors, but we don’t ordain women. I hope I haven’t offended anyone. Pastors, priests and deacons are in “persona Christi” as you said they image Christ, a woman can not be a man. But these days the world wants to tell you different. Men can be women and women can be men. What a perversion of God’s creation and his plan for men and women in His kingdom.

    Keep up your call to Holiness and spreading the word of God.

    God Bless you Aron and your ministry.


    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Thank you for your comment. I appreciate hearing about your home life and your church. Men are the leaders and when we see more men take charge, there will be many more ex-feminists too. There certainly are women waiting eagerly for the chance to follow their men, if their men will lead.

      Patriarchy is the clear teaching of Scripture. It’s there from start to finish. Of course, you also hear it misused, and you hear false practices getting thrown into the mix of patriarchy — such as polygamy — so you always need to be discerning. The Scriptures do not allow women pastors or women preachers, although countless churches are compromised on this matter. Restoring the church in holiness and obedience will also mean restoring the roles of men and women. There’s no separating the two.

      I will always continue to work for holiness and the word of God.

      God bless you.

  3. Hugenotte Avatar

    Hello Aron and fellow readers,

    a valuable explanation of your task and calling!

    I have often heard Christians accuse me that women who submit to their husbands to the point of allowing themselves to be beaten are pathologically submissive to their husbands, i.e. mentally ill.
    They suffer from Stockholm Syndrome, are dependent on their husbands and would not only justify but also adopt their husbands’ sinful behavior.
    See for example here:

    What do you say, are we tyrants and our wives mentally ill?
    What do the women reading here say about this evil accusation?

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Thanks for your comment. I have heard these things before and find them baseless. Actually, according to all my recent research, women who object to spanking have PSS (Partial Submission Syndrome), which inhibits them from expressing their deepest desires. It is well known that women with OSA (Over-Spank Avoidance), when shown pictures of a spanking, exhibit over stimulation in parts of the brain. This is something which can be brought back to normal with much therapy, years of medication, and of course many spankings. 🙂

      Anyone can invent a syndrome or disorder if they want. Objectively though, spanking is normal, as is the desire to give and receive them. So is the desire to lead and be led, to have rules, and order. They are all a normal part of human life, whether in marriage or in society more broadly. Authority, rules, discipline all help us to function as a group, can instill beneficial rules, provide a sense of peace, and restore order when harm or chaos might otherwise come. Spanking is marriage is just one element within the larger social order, which is just a part of being human.

      Most ministers of course won’t be able to give an accurate answer about spanking. They’d pretty much be attacked from all sides if they did. While I sympathize with those ministers who may oppose wife spanking, they are wrong, and are not really allowed to say anything else. Even among Bible believing Christians they would simply lose too many people if they spoke out in support of wife spanking. So they’ve got to come up with some line, and they use whatever creative ability they have to construct an argument against it.

      A wife seeking to be submissive in all things is not wrong. It’s a fulfillment of biblical teaching, and of her deepest nature. Just as we should desire to be pleasing to our Lord and belong to him fully, a wife should desire in a heartfelt and diligent way to serve her man. His authority is explicitly taught in Scriptures, and never once is corporal punishment taught to be wrong. Rather it is instructed or recommended in several instances.

      I have gone on at great lengths with Christians who claim that spanking your wife is wrong. I have challenged them to provide the passages which teach that it’s wrong, and they never can. Not one time. They simply do not have an answer, so they have to rely on trying to force their own ideas upon Scripture, or to radically misrepresent what love really is. They simply have nothing to go on biblically to condemn wife spanking. In fact, by treating their personal opinion like a doctrine of God, they are themselves doing what the Bible condemns. If they are now relying on pop psychology, that only proves how baseless their criticisms are.

      I have a few articles that I believe deal successfully with common Christian and secular objections to wife spanking, as well as which get to the point of how normal this part of the relationship is:

      Spanking is Bad, M’kay

      Jesus Says Spanking is Bad, M’kay

      Is Spanking Abuse?

      Feel Like a Natural Woman

      There is No Such Thing as a Dom

    2. Mr. Hugenotte, I would like to respectfully say that, since you labeled this an “evil” accusation, that hearing any thoughts to the contrary really would not be considered or respected. What I will say from my own observation is that, in reading all this material online and getting to know one couples who practices this , that I believe, perhaps, like most of life, the scenarios run the full gamut. I have read descriptions and comments of carefully considered, loving, not excessive punishments, and I have read descriptions of what appeared to be extreme force and use of punishments, which “could” be evidence of harm occurring. Aron has cautioned us to be wary of the extreme comments as they may represent fiction or fantasy, given for the purpose to make people angry. So I would say that I hope families who practice this always take really good care to protect and love the ones to whom they made those vows.

      1. aronhusband Avatar

        Thank you for your comment, CW. Learners and couples definitely need to be aware of misuses of discipline, as well as the number of fake stories out there online. However, I believe the criticisms Hugenotte brings up are more general attacks levied against domestic discipline. They are not speaking only of some fringe misuse.

    3. Dear Hugenotte,
      I can only answer from my heart. I have always understood that a man is the head of his home and wife, perhaps because I grew up in a decade when people were beginning to deny it. As for spanking—I have always had a deep and confusing interest in it, to the point that “birthday spankings” given in childhood, in jest, were deeply troubling to me. This did not seem a matter for jest. It is not something I wanted to think about or be interested in, and certainly not something that I actually wanted to have happen! But—yet—I did want that. Somehow.

      Eventually I wanted it from my husband, and I realized its place is right there in marriage. We joked about it but it never happened, and I obeyed him anyway because it was my job and I love him (and he’s amazing!). He is no tyrant; he is probably kinder to me than I am to him, though he seems to think that goes the other way.

      When we have been frustrated with each other I get confused and depressed, and I get angry, and he is exasperated with me and turns away. During one of those moments I found Aron’s blog.

      My heart was strongly drawn. My head—my husband—wasn’t interested.

      I couldn’t make up my mind if this was God leading my husband through my heart—can that even happen?—or Satan using that deep desire of mine to tempt my husband to sin. To tyranny, if you will.

      I explored the subject patiently with my husband, and I’m sure he and the Lord have had some conversation on the subject. I had some conversation with the Lord too, careful not to ask for what I want but for His will. And I had some conversation with Aron, who was kind and generous and encouraging. And…very patient.

      And although my husband has always been in charge and has never thought I needed discipline, he does see it as part of his role now, so I am convinced that it is God’s work in our lives. He still sees nothing to correct me for, but I know that he will if he finds it necessary. And I feel much more secure and safe in his leadership.

      I ask God to show him where I need help; where he needs to work on me. This is service, not tyranny, though it brings honor to him as my lord. It is Christ-like leadership. It is blessing and grace.


  4. Hello Aron,
    I used to comment on your old blog quite frequently. It’s been a few years. Me and my husband were strong faithful practitioners of submission and spanking for many many years. Wonderful years that produced seven amazing children, who are currently 3-20 years old. However, things changed in my husband’s heart and because I am submissive to him, I followed his wishes and we haven’t been actively practicing discipline for quite some time. I just randomly decided to see if you were still blogging, and it took a bit because of the new site, but I found you. I used to have a wordpress blog about our discipline called Guided Wife, but it has been inactive for a long time.
    There are days, I will admit, that I miss being guided by him, but I have prayed over it and the Lord has laid it on my heart to follow my husband’s lead on submission. For now, I am more faithful than he is but God has shown me that it is OK to practice patience with someone who is questioning. Often those who question their faith will come back to it with a greater fervor and I pray that is how it will be for my dear husband.
    I am pleased to see that you are maintaining this blog. I know it has been so helpful to so many in submission situations.
    Yours in Christ, Valerie

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Hello Valerie, It’s good to hear from you again. I remember your comments, and I know I wrote to you when I saw on your website that you no longer practice discipline, and that you had changed your beliefs. Most important is that both of you still trust and obey the Lord Jesus. If your husband is faltering in his faith, I would welcome him to discuss it with me. Naturally, I hope there is someone strong in faith who can help him overcome any doubts he has. I know your loving example will help also.

      It can be hard on a wife without her husband’s clear lead, but she can still teach herself submission through following God, and respond to her husband with meekness and respect. A loss of faith is a battle between good and evil. I know you are praying for your husband and I hope that others do too. I definitely will continue to maintain this blog. I strongly believe in restoring marriages, and the usefulness of loving discipline in doing so.

      Bless you.

      1. Thank you Aron. My husband would not be amenable to a discussion with you. As I have said God has commanded me to wait patiently for my husband. I absolutely believe his faith will return. In the meantime he is still the same wonderful and supportive husband and loving father that he has always been. If you had told me years ago that his faith was on shaky ground, I would have thought it would be turmoil. However it has been very undramatic. Simply a step back from our old normal. We still feel very much like the same family.

        1. aronhusband Avatar

          Thank you for the explanation, Valerie. I hope your husband is restored to the Lord with time.

  5. InluvwithmyHoH Avatar

    Dear Aron,
    Words really can’t express the gratitude that my husband and I have for all of your excellent teaching and guidance. We find no difficulty absorbing all that you teach because it is Biblical and God inspired. Your writings are absolutely exceptional with unusual insight into a woman’s mind and heart. That is a gift from God! The instructions you give so kindly to husbands are easy to follow and right on point. My husband and I are learning so very much from you on how to manage a Christ-centered and Bible-based marriage. We floundered for way too many years because of lack of knowledge and understanding. I wrote to you following one of your 2020 posts about a month ago regarding how we are now in our 35th year of marriage. So many times we remark about how much we wish we had known this from the start.
    I was sharing with him yesterday, how prior to our finding your site and another Christian site BGR learning, I felt so terribly alone in our “barely friends” marriage that I had tentative plans to move out when our last two children did. We have a 22 year old daughter and 15 year old son. Since we have decided to learn and put into practice all that you have taught, that thought is gone. I am so happy and in renewed love with my husband and feel so loved by him. We are still wrapping our heads around the discipline aspect. He told me yesterday that he had always just associated spanking with children. He said that this is a whole new type of learning to embrace. He has agreed though to be the disciplinary authority when needed.
    You are such a blessing to us and others. Thank you for heeding God’s direction to teach these God given principles. I know this has to be time consuming. You have an eloquence in your writing that touches the soul of a woman.
    May God richly bless you and your family. I have prayed for you and for this site that God protects and guards it from the enemy that would want it removed.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Hello InLuv, Thank you. I am very grateful for your prayers. I believe in this ministry, and I know without a doubt all the good that loving authority and discipline provide for a marriage. That’s why I desire many more couples to experience it. I am truly humbled that I have been able to touch your marriage and help you both in the strength of your bond.

      There is something about it that requires active care and concern on both parts, and for this reason it can touch so many aspects of the marriage as well as require the faith to grow. It can dispel coldness, apathy, or anger, all of which fade in the presence of a loving husband guiding his wife for the glory of God. I am very happy that you have grown closer with your husband. I pray this continues, and that discipline proves a helpful tool in overcoming any difficulties.

      Many blessings to you and your family.

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