Reader’s Poll: How Did You Introduce Discipline?

Welcome to another Readers Poll. You can give your answer in the comments below.

When you introduced discipline to your marriage, how did you bring up the topic? If you have not married, how do you plan to?

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9 responses to “Reader’s Poll: How Did You Introduce Discipline?”

  1. Well…. it was a year or two into our marriage that I brought it up. Outside of the first few months that were rocky, my wife has always been a very obedient and dutiful wife, at least compared to the vast majority of modern self professed Christian women. However, there had always been nagging issues mostly consisting of her not taking what she told to heart, always “forgettingc after being told multiple times and engaging in harmful impulsive behavior.

    So after much consideration and reading, took her aside one day and told her that we are going to start doing thing’s differently. That from here on out, when she fails to heed my words or engages in direct disobedience or disrespect she can expect to be thoroughly spanked.

    She was not wild about this idea to say the least, she was afraid that it could get out of control or that she was somehow being treated like a child. Of course I did what I could to calm these fears but ultimately told her this is just how it’s going to be. Being a Christian wife she accepted this and I started spanking her as I said I would.

    We’re now years down the road, and although she still very much dislikes it, I’ve found it to be very effective and she has found her original fears to be unfounded.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      My wife is also generally well behaved but she needs correction sometimes, and I give it. A wife who is committed to her submission should understand that being disciplined comes with being under authority. She will not reject it. In this culture being punished by your husband is immediately associated with scary things, but with more knowledge, it simply should be seen as a natural response to bad behavior. In the long run, both husband and wife benefit from the problems being put in the past.

  2. EmmieKate Avatar

    My husband spanked me for the first time about two weeks after our wedding day. Out of the blue, he walked me to the living room one evening, and sternly instructed me to take my clothes off. I obeyed him, but I thought he was flirting with me. I had no idea what was about to happen. Then, as I stood naked in front of him, he started to remove his belt, as he told me that I ‘belonged’ to him now and that he would do what he wanted, when he wanted. He asked me if I understood, and I said yes, but I still thought we were flirting and playing around, I guess. Then he walked over, pushed me forward over the arm of the sofa, and began spanking me with this belt. I was shocked, but also sort-of in awe and admiration. I loved the strength and command he was showing and I felt like, finally, the weight of the world was off my shoulders.

    Since that day, our marriage has moved from flirty spanks to verbal warnings, quick smacks on the bottom over clothing, and now true discipline spankings. We still to this day continue to evolve. I try to improve my submission by being obedient and by showing respect (which is sometimes hard). I make mistakes and am spanked fairly regularly — every couple of weeks on average. I hope that changes as we get older. I really am trying! He’s very kind to me always — he just explains that he is in charge and he’ s not angry but he won’t tolerate certain behaviors.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Hello EmmieKate, Thank you for your description of how your husband initiated discipline. That is how some couples begin. It can be a bit risky to start spanking without a proper talk and agreement first, but I’ve still heard success stories from that approach. It seems to have worked very well so far.

      I understand how it could be relieving for you to finally be under the clear and firm direction of your husband. The man’s loving strength more than offsets any fear of being spanked. I believe over time you will see that spankings get less frequent, as you get past wrong attitudes, and learn to follow his direction better. I greatly appreciate your desire to please your husband.

  3. domestichappiness Avatar

    For my husband and I we never really had a full discussion about it. It was more him telling me that going forward in our relationship he wanted to take the lead and guide us. Which I agreed to at the time but I was also very stuck in my ways, very stubborn. I had a lot of outside influence with work and friends so I did give him a hard time at first and that’s why the spankings started. He had just had enough of my behavior. Which was bad I admit. He was quite nervous about using them at first, a bit uncertain how I would react and so introduced them more in a sexual way at first but that lead to me not respecting them as much. Especially when he did try to be serious about them.

    I had agreed to his leadership so I did submit to the spankings but at the same time I felt a lot of resentment from them, still giving him a lot of problems while I know he was trying to be reasonable.

    It took a lot of things to change the attitude, leaving work, moving away from bad influences and my husband becoming a lot more strict and a lot more frequent with the spankings.

    I would almost say there’s kind of a difference in the first spankings to when he really started disciplining me and breaking me of my bad habits. It just had a bigger effect on me both mentally and emotionally when I finally let go and accepted it.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Thank you for your comment, Happiness. A husband needs to be firm and consistent in giving his wife discipline to really turn her away from bad behavior. A wife also needs to have a willing heart to get the most out of her punishment, and learn the lesson it is teaching. Discipline, as you know, when used rightly can help put bad habits in the past. A man should not be tolerant of bad behavior, but should target it, and lead his wife to behaving better.

  4. ABetterSelf Avatar

    We are not a Christian couple, although I’m Catholic but she’s not. My wife has always been very submissive, very happy to have me lead the family.
    We had been together for 5 years when an incident a year ago led to the introduction of spanking in our relationship.
    We had workers at home for some renovation works, and my wife demonstrated a lack of respect towards me on two occasions in front of them. It had not really happened before, so the first time I thought she was bothered by the renovation and it was probably an isolated occurence. The second time, it happened just as I was leaving for a business trip. I tried to have her stop, but she wouldn’t listen to me.
    The following days I felt very tensed and thought that I needed to find a way to address the issue, letting her know I would no longer tolerate such a lack of respect.
    As I was looking on the web for some ideas to ingrain the point in her mind I stumbled upon your site aronhusband and read many of your posts thinking I had found the solution: spanking.
    Back home, I told her that the next time we’d have the kids at their grandparents, she would be spanked for her lack of respect. I mentioned it several times so that to create a sense of anticipation and I think she actually ended up longing for it to happen. As we run some errands at a sport shop I even chose with her a riding crop and she told me she understood I was buying it “for” her.
    On the evening after dropping the kids at my parents, I grabbed her as she stepped out of the shower and led her naked to the living room where I had her bend over the couch armrest. I started to administer to her a firm spanking for 10 minutes, using mostly my hands that I concluded are my preferred implement. She took it with some protest at the beginning, then in silence.
    After I was done, she went to rest in one of the kids room, clearly mad at me. I came to her and told her to take her time to recover, but I was expecting her to join me back in our bed and have sex. She ended up coming to bed and apologizing deeply to me, crying for disrespecting me and she offered herself to me.
    For the next few weeks, my wife had become incredibly soft and peaceful and caring. An amazing transformation.
    About 6 months later, an incident happened at the airport where she almost got on the no fly list, creating significant stress for the kids that were travelling with her back from her parents. And to make matters worse she demonstrated another lack of respect towards me in front of another worker, siding with him and later discovering I was right indeed.
    I decided I needed to make things very clear that I would not anymore tolerate her breaking a few rules I explained in detail to her and that were key to me and the kids. We had a conversation where I told her she would get spanked should she break any of those 5 rules. I also said I expected her to be truthful about incidents that would happen while I was not with her (I’m happy to say she actually respected that request). Finally I said I would give her one warning if an incident was to occur in front of me, in public or in front of members of the family (I would say, “I love you Jenny”, instead of calling her by the usual “Darling), and her not taking it into account would definitely get her spanked. I asked her to confirm she understood all this very clearly. She responded she did and agreed.
    We have been applying this ever since.
    Discipline spanking is amazing and so effective in having a strong, respectful mariage.
    I haven’t used maintenance spanking yet but I’m considering it.
    Thank you so much aronhusband for your work and what your writing did to our mariage.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      You’re welcome. I’m happy to hear your story of success. That is how it is supposed to work, and when a couple is persistent, they are usually going to be successful with discipline. It is the end of a lot of problems in marriage. Very simple. A man has a more ordered household, and a wife is more at peace.

      1. ABetterSelf Avatar

        And I should add that as a man I grew with a new sense of responsibility and love for my woman and my kids. It’s a transformative journey for all. Really thank you!

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