How to Introduce Spanking in Your Marriage

I introduced discipline into my marriage from the start. That means I explained discipline to her before marriage and while we were still going out. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was important for us to discuss the nature of marriage, and we were both agreed on the man’s role as the leader, and the wife’s submission to him. In these conversations, it is natural to discuss that that means in practice, and my wife sensibly asked what I would do if she did not go along with my decisions or obey me.

Since I had practiced discipline long before we met, it was easy for me to answer that question. I told her this: This is the way I do things. If you disrespect or disobey your husband, I will give you consequences for it. She asked me what kind of consequences of course. I told her, I will punish you. I will put you over my knee, and spank you. As a woman who had never been spanked before, not even as a child, it took a little while for this to process. She asked me, you mean like you do with a child. I said, Kind of like that, but more like what you do with an adult. I will give you spankings for bad behavior and you should learn a lesson from it. I also explained to her a few of the details. I assured her I had done it many times in the past. I let her know a spanking will definitely hurt, but it will not cause injury. I am self-controlled and know what I’m doing. I also told her how effective I found them to be and that they help in fixing a woman’s bad behavior. That is how I run the household, I told her.

Fast forward to her first spanking, which I believe as for either lateness or rudeness. I told her she was going to be punished for her previous behavior. I took her to the room with me and had her undo my belt and hand it to me, something she was a little confused by at first since she’d never been spanked. Then she needed to bare herself waist down and put herself over the end of the bed. I gave her a talk about her behavior and a strapping with the belt, giving her the first taste of being chastised. She was crying from early on, and apologetic for her behavior. I think afterward she said words that still amuse me, “I can’t believe I just got whipped.”

It might not be so easy for you to introduce discipline in marriage, but it is not as difficult as you think. Many people are at least curious about it. Others really desire it, although they may not talk about their desire because the culture deems it shameful. The ideal time to introduce discipline is while you are talking about marriage with your future husband or wife. I have talked to many who introduced it later in their marriage, and that’s fine, but I think it will be more difficult then. Some introduce spanking during a time they have had real attitude problems with their wife, and find spanking is the only thing that really helps settle her down. I say why not be prepared from the start. Make it a part of your marriage understanding. It becomes more of a gamble later. You should both know going into marriage that the wife can be spanked for bad behavior.

When discussing your discipline system, you should root it in the overall framework of authority in marriage. The man is the head. The woman is to obey him. He will naturally have a method of discipline to deal with correcting her behavior, and this method can include spanking. You should know that punishing his wife simply fits in with his loving leadership, oversight of the household, and protection of his wife. It is not a game. It is not an excuse to cause pain. It is corrective discipline by the person who cares for your good and is responsible for you. Like I found in my conversation, you will see that a discussion of leadership will naturally include questions about what happens if the wife does not obey. This naturally leads to exploring a discipline system, consequences, and spanking. The conversations are naturally connected.

It seems women find it a little harder to introduce than men. In part that is because they recognize their submissive role, and understand they cannot tell me how to lead them, or tell them how to use discipline. That itself would be contrary to submission. Women find themselves with a man uninterested in discipline, and not even taking the lead very much, and can’t figure out how to get them started with it. There is no tried and true method, and some men just are not interested, but do what you can from the womanly position in a gentle, respectful way. You can let him know your need to be lead firmly, and to be punished for wrongs. You can tell him why you desire it and the reasons you believe it is helpful. Finding good material on the subject will help. That can be a challenge as there is much dodgy literature out there, but good articles by those who practice discipline could help him understand why people practice it as well as feel comfortable with how it’s done.

Be careful, a man might possibly be offended that you suggest this, as it sounds like you think he isn’t doing a good job without it. Simply assure him you love how he behaves as a husband, but you simply want him to try this also, out of the need you have or its helpfulness. Let him know you need clear and strong correction sometimes. There are good testimonies out there by couples whom discipline has helped, and you could show him these as well. Ultimately it’s up to him.  A man really has to wrap his head around not just spanking, but if he hasn’t learned already, headship in general. It always takes some humility and an open mind to be willing to learn new things. You’ve got to know that you don’t know it all. Realize it can take him time to grasp what discipline is all about. If he is willing to learn, then be very grateful and help him out with your cooperation.  


21 responses to “How to Introduce Spanking in Your Marriage”

  1. […] They wish spanking to be only in their future marriage. Nevertheless, they feel intimidated to bring up the subject because of its sensitivity. I’m sorry to say, if you want spanking in your marriage, someone […]

  2. […] talk about how to introduce discipline into your marriage, and to your partner. What the benefits of wife spanking are. How to deliver a […]

  3. […] get their man to start spanking them. I talk on this topic from both ends in my piece on bringing discipline into your marriage, but I’d like to spend some time just on the difficulty for women. How to attract their men […]

  4. […] behavior, when marriage or the home are discussed. Spanking would come up when couples talk about planning for marriage and the relationship they expect to have. Women would not be ashamed to mention that they had been […]

  5. […] can plan on having a marriage that utilizes spanking. I address this in another essay on how to introduce spanking into the relationship, but I want to go into it here in planning for marriage and finding a mate if […]

  6. […] He simply should not disregard spanking. In over fifteen years of marriage I have never regretted introducing it, which I did from the beginning. I have a godly and respectful wife, and it is my role to encourage […]

  7. […] those starting out on their discipline journey, there is some hesitation, or fear about the physical damage it might […]

  8. […] little respect. Naturally, many of us would want to sit down with them, especially the husband, and introduce the tools that will help him lead the household, and turn his wife’s behavior around. We want their […]

  9. […] and others uniquely gear their correction around non-spanking methods. While I have used spanking from the start of my marriage, and would not go back, I have supplemented it with other forms of correction, and […]

  10. I am a spanked wife and I was the one to ask for it, after 15-years of marriage. I talked to,him about leading, me submitting, and consequences thereof. His first two concerns were: 1) abuse. Most men are taught to never hurt a women and he didn’t want a domestic abuse situation, and 2) was this some sort of kinky game on my part. I assured him neither were the case, we established a protocol that included a safe word (which I’ve never used) to ensure no abuse was happening, and at the start of every session I assure and state that I am a willing and accepting wife to this spanking. And we’ve never looked back.

    1. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Marie. It seems the obstacles men feel are common ones, but they can be easily overcome. I have another article specifically on women suggesting discipline to their husbands. I hope the website is a blessing to you both.

  11. […] Spanking wives among Christians of a past era, was not very rare, and not always hidden. There was a time when not every believer thought they needed to nurture a Mister Rogers image all the time. They understood that Christ’s meekness came with strength. They understood that their roles, whether as husbands and fathers, or as citizen, required strength. They understood that at times confronting evil did not involve sweetness and charity, but boldly calling evil evil, and punishing it. That doesn’t mean they all spanked their wives, but it was neither rare or very hidden. They knew that God allowed a Christian to be firm and hard. […]

  12. […] 4: The Talk: The man sits his wife down and lets her know things are going to be different from now on. He tells her what has been going on […]

  13. I have no problem with spanking in my marriage at all.
    My parents spanked me and my sisters.
    Our mother was spanked by our father,
    I really don’t understand wives who complain.
    Whenever your husband want to spank you, just obey: take off your panties and lay over his lap.
    And enjoy the feeling of his strong hand on your bottom.

    [Comment edited by Aron to remove material inappropriate for this website]

  14. I married two days ago.
    My husband is 46 and I am 22.
    I have never been spanked, or disciplined before.
    My husband told me that I should be spanked regularly.
    Basically I have no problem with that, bu I don’t know exactly what should I expect.

    1. Hello Dora, Congratulations on your marriage. Thank you for your questions. I can’t tell you exactly what to expect, because different husbands head their wives differently, and manage discipline in a unique way. There’s a;so going to be an initial learning period for both of you, and things will evolve a bit over time.

      I think it’s fair to expect clear leadership from your husband, and supervision of your activities. You should be prepared to be humble to him, speak to him with honor, obey his commands, and receive verbal and physical correction. Make it your goal to shine in your submission, and develop your femininity richly.

      Getting a spanking, at least from a husband who gives a hard one, is not easy. It is normal to get nervous, and it’s tempting to try and get out of one. But you need to submit to spanking, humbly, and receive the lesson he teaches you. The pain isn’t easy, but it is short, and brings a great peace to the home, often bringing tranquility soon after the spanking ends.

      Be prepared to express your regret for any bad words or bad behavior, and be committed to improving them in your life. Overall, be conformed to your husband’s desire for you. Be soft, and let him mold and shape you. He should treasure you as well, and praise you for all the good you do.

      I hope that helps. Blessing.

      P.S. I need to add that “regular” spankings in my view are only needed when there is ongoing bad behavior, or when a wife really needs to improve in one area. I know some couples use weekly spankings to train and remind a wife to behave well, but I don’t believe this is necessary under ordinary circumstances. Barring a real need for them, spankings are given when there’s bad behavior. This may indeed be regular if it is early in marriage, and a wife has to unlearn some bad habits. But frequency anyway should decline with time.

  15. I have a question regarding the fact that you said you’d practiced discipline for many years before you met your wife. Does this mean you were spanking outside of marriage? Does this not contradict your Christian faith?

    1. Sure, I was not a Christian at the time, so it does not contradict my faith. It was well within the faith of an unbeliever, who places his trust in man, and follows his corrupt heart where it leads. However, God often uses our learning before we came to faith for our benefit, just as he uses our assets and relationships prior to faith to serve Him. For that reason, I consider some of that experience to be useful learning, even if it was in an immoral context. Thank you.

  16. Roger Avatar

    After 18 years of marriage, I was finally compelled to spank my wife. We have a strong marriage, but she was being disagreeable in the bedroom. Like most men, I like her to wear romantic lingerie for our foreplay and she typically complained about it, which was a definite downer for me. It cast a cloud over my sex drive. She did it again the other day when I picked out a set of lacy bra and tap panties for her to wear. She complained after putting them on. When I removed her panties and bra, I had her lie on her stomach, after which I began spanking her bare buttocks with my open palm. Naturally, she complained and tried to stop my hand which I which simply I grabbed and held it behind her back. One of my legs held hers in place. Once in this helpless position, I smacked her bare buns a dozen times to her increasing tears. When I had finished, I sat her on my lap and hugged her, telling her why I did it. To her tears, I told her I would not tolerate such behavior that compromised my ability to perform. I said that it cut to the heart of our sexual relationship that she would resist this innocent role playing as a prelude to intercourse.

    I believe my actions were justified and restrained, though it made her cry. She had never been spanked as an adult, only as a child by her mother. But this was necessary to make her understand that I had to assert a dominant role for the sake of our important sexual relationship. I told her I would do it again if necessary. I believe she was acting selfishly, I have gone out of my way to make sure is satisfied to the full.

    Spanking has definitely brought her around. I go out of my way to show her affection and love and she now “dresses up” for me of her own volition and is more active as a bed partner. Spanking was the tool that changed her behavior and fixed our sex life.

    [comment edited by Aron]

  17. Hello, I am a 21 years old man dating my lovely 18yo girlfriend. I read your blog and I am convinced that in order to avoid conflict and fix all kinds of issues in a relationship, spanking is necessary.
    Now, while I am a devoted christian, my lovely girlfriend is quite “modern” and feminist and while she does believe in God, she’s a catholic and not nearly as religious as I am. She’s also not really submissive and laughed at the idea of spanking in our relationship when I brought it up. We love each other dearly and are planning on marrying and raising a family together, but she won’t accept my authority. Her parents were not prone to discipline so she’s not used to it.
    How can I turn things around and introduce spanking despite her not wanting it, but still wanting me as husband and father to her future children? This is torturing me as I have no spanking experience, so all I have left is your advice on the matter.

    1. Hello Alex, Thank you for your comment. I believe this article you are commenting on will offer you advice for your situation, as will other articles on the website. Feel free to write me at my e-mail if you’d like to discuss it.

      One thing to know is that if a woman is not a sincere Christian, you should not marry her in the first place. The Bible teaches us not to be unequally yoked, and this is the most intimate and long-term yoking that there is. It will cause serious problems for you both and for the children if there is not a unity of faith.

      Moreover, if a woman is not prepared to accept what marriage is about — including her need to submit to your authority — she is not someone you should be marrying. Perhaps you could lead her in that direction before marriage, but there is no guarantee that will be successful.

      Marriage is rooted in love, but not in emotion. It is rooted in love as a responsibility and an action. You should not feel compelled to marry a woman just because you have powerful feelings for her. Those feelings can misguide you, and they can change. Anyone’s can. Marriage is a commitment before God and each other to practice love as a responsibility, to fulfill your role as man and wife, in a union that will bring forth children. That is the love you need to find most present.

      Obey what God teaches about marriage, and about men and women, and let fond emotions simply come along secondarily.

      I hope that helps you in your situation. Be prepared to make the difficult choices, and possibly find another bride.

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