At long last, I present you with an article by my beloved wife. It has taken her a while to write it, since she does not compose or write as quickly as I do. Readers have been asking to read something by her for years, and I am happy to oblige. Her article offers women some practical advice in living as submissive wives, which is based on the Bible and on her abundant experience. I have only made a few grammar corrections to the writing, but have otherwise left the text alone. I consider my wife to be a very good example to other women. She does womanhood the right way.
Journey of Walking as a Submissive Wife
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
–Ephesians 5:22
To those of you who are walking in the path of submission, struggling with the practice of submission or curious of the teaching of submission, no matter what stage you are at, I’d like to share my own experience of my growth in being a submissive wife and my own understanding of this teaching which is from the Word of God.
From holding my own will to surrender to God’s will
Like most of you, I grew up in the “I” culture and was encouraged to pursue my own desire. I used to be very self-centered, and determined I would not get married because I didn’t want to under anybody’s authority. Look, strangely deep down in my conscience I realized that once I get married, my husband will be the boss and I will have to be under his authority. This made me scared, and I didn’t want it. But when I found Jesus and He became the Lord of my life, everything changed.
Not until I came to Faith, did I realize that God put a conscience in mankind’s hearts for His Truth. After I became the follower of Christ, I was changed inside and out. I started to desire to be a wife and a mother. God also spoke to my heart that this is what He wants me to do. I let go of my old self and submitted to God’s Will. I believe God’s wonderful creation has order and good purpose. He made the man, Adam, first. Then Eve, who is out of Adam, and they became one flesh. Eve is the helper while Adam is the leader.
At first, it shocked me when I found out this amazing design and order between husband and wife is exactly what I was scared of as an unbeliever. It proves that God put this conscience into everyone’s heart no matter how we view it. Something even more amazing happened: shortly after I came to Christ, I met my husband through studying the Word of God. I sought His Words and He brought me my future husband, who is a faithful servant of God and has passion to share the Gospel. And he also becomes the leader in our marriage.
The struggle of having right attitude
As a young believer and a young wife in our early marriage years, I struggled a lot. It seems much easier to obey God’s Words than my husband’s words, because obviously God is so Mighty and Powerful and Holy. God created me and gave me life, but my husband is just a born-again Christian like myself. Why I have to submit to what he said all the time? This attitude constantly appeared in my mind which hindered me from being submissive sometimes.
However, with my husband’s guidance and encouragement, prayers and study the Word of God, I finally realized, or I can say that I was willing to realize, that I am actually disobeying God if I do not submit to my husband. It is God’s command to wives that we are to submit ourselves to our husbands.
Satan put lies in our hearts to confuse the role of a wife. That’s how I got stuck in, thinking husband and wife should be equal in all aspects. But in reality, no, the role of wife and husband are never meant to be the same. It’s the world, Satan wants us to believe and live in his lies. Even when I was an unbeliever, I could sense there’s something wrong if a wife is the boss of the marriage. But when we live in the world, we just want to flow with what the world adorns. Again, God put conscience in our hearts that husbands are heads of the marriage while wives are helpers to their husbands. Look back to human history, no matter in Christian society or non-Christian society, it’s a norm that husbands are leaders in the household and wives serve and nurture the home with a submissive attitude.
When I finally surrendered my own will to God’s Words, my attitude towards being a submissive wife changed. I’m much more willing to submit myself to my husband as unto God. I’m very honest to say that I’m not a perfect example; until this moment I still have to battle between my flesh and the spirit of being submissive. But with the understanding of God’s design in marriage, it’s easier for me to want to submit to my husband. Husband, wife, and children represent the Holy Trinity of God. The relationship between husband and wife represents the Father and the Son, Christ and the Church.
It struck me deeply when reading this Bible verse from Philippians 2:8 “Christ humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.” Isn’t it to submit to my husband much easier? Christ already did the hardest part — He wants me to obey Him by submitting myself to my husband.
How to be submissive
When I have a right attitude toward submission, problems seem to be resolved much easier, our marriage is more peaceful, and our family is in harmony. I’d like to share some personal experiences about how a right attitude affects our marriage and family life.
Be the helper not the boss
I have to remind myself from time to time that my position is a helper to my husband. Naturally, sometimes we are putting ourselves to the equal position with our husbands. In such case, there can be endless “fights” between husband and wife. Wives, never fight to be the boss in your marriage, or we are putting ourselves in a miserable situation. Women are not made as muscular, aggressive, strong as man physically and emotionally. Don’t be tempted by the world to compete with your husband.
In marriage, my husband and I are made ONE. It’s a beautiful union God design for us. God made husbands to lead, provide, protect and to be responsible for the family. We, as wives, are to help our husbands to accomplish their goals and nurture the family. Being a helper to my husband is an honorable job and rewarding. At the same time, this is a perfect position God put me in. When we follow God’s guidance, our yokes are much lighter. Home is a perfect place designed for a wife where she can use her gifted talents to care for, to raise children in, to make it a loving and peaceful place for the family to live in. Our husbands, the leader of the family and the fighter for the family, need our support. I’m happy to serve my husband good food, to meet his needs, to keep the house clean and comfortable, to teach our children in God’s way.
Giving advice
As a wife and a helper, we give advice and suggestions, but let our husbands make decisions. Prayers are very important to me. We should always pray that the advice we give is wise. Also, pray for our husbands to make wise decisions.
Don’t get angry or being argumentative if our advice is not accepted — remember that we are not the leader. This is also what I’m still working on and the best way I found is to keep praying and hand the issues to the Lord. It is our husbands’ role to take responsibility for the family, not us.
The way to give advice also reflects our submissive attitude. I learned to suggest in a calm, gentle, and respectful way but not in commands or demands. Again, we’re not the boss.
Handling conflicts
As individuals, we are made differently. But in marriage, amazingly, husband and wife become one. God makes this oneness to glorify Him. We as wives have to learn to respect and submit to our husband’s will as long as it’s not against God’s will. When disagreement appears, explain calmly and just follow your husband’s decisions.
Pray often, even when you’re upset, don’t argue or yell at your husband. Let the gentle and quiet spirit to overcome our flesh and anger. Control our tongues when the husband is upset. Raising voices or fights will not help to solve problems but make them worse.
Be encouraging
When the husband takes on his role as the leader and fighter for the family, he will get discouraged or frustrated sometimes outside the home. He needs comfort, support, love, and respect from his wife, who is made to be the other half of him in marriage. As wife, I feel honor to be able to help my husband to meet his needs, cheer him up with encouraging words, show my admiration toward him. Last but not the least, pray for him constantly.
My secret to walk and grow as a submissive wife is following God’s Word. I’m blessed and happy to see our marriage and family are led by a husband who honor God and walks in God’s way.
You can find all my articles organized loosely by topic on my About page.
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