The Biblical Foundation of Spanking in Marriage

Any husband who spanks his wife should know that this kind of chastening has strong basis in the Bible, as it does in natural law. An ordinary reading of Scripture will show he is the head of his wife, and as the head may chastise her for wickedness. His authority is no less valid than a parent’s or government’s. The natural use of reason will show the same thing, but I will focus on the biblical basis today. You sometimes hear that the domestic discipline world misuses Scripture, but this is anything but the case. We rely on a normal reading of Scripture, taking words to mean what they normally mean, using clear teachings, using a pattern of examples, and following the same thinking in one case as we follow in another case. In fact I’ll show later that other Christians do the exact same thing when finding a foundation for their own practices, so we are not doing anything irregular to biblical interpretation.  The normal reading in context shows we have scriptural endorsement for marital spanking. 

The use of discipline is intrinsic to having authority. It is how authority functions as an authority, rather than as something else entirely. Authorities give real commands, and when people disobey those commands, authority has means of punishing them. If it did not, people could break the rules any time they wanted, could disobey any time they wanted, and know confidently that they would not be punished. It would reduce authority to simply a position of prominence, and not real authority. It would be a speaker’s position, but a speaker is something different from a biblical authority. Headship includes giving commands and includes giving discipline. That is good and just. It allows the group to function successfully as a group, and it also prevents harm, by taking people off of the wrong path, or by separating them from the group entirely. Good is rewarded and evil punished. These are things done naturally by an authority, and a husband is nothing less than the authority over his wife. 

The foundation for marital discipline which we find in Scripture is multi-facetted, but it is primarily three-fold. It consists of 1) the God-ordained authority given to men, 2) the permission and mandates to use corporal punishment throughout Scripture, and 3) the fact that chastisement is in harmony with biblical love, including the love of God. Let’s review all three of them. 

One: The fact that man has authority, and the wife submits to him, can be established clearly through the New Testament, although it is present from the creation in Genesis, and throughout the Old Testament as well. The clear teaching passages in the New Testament include these: 

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24) 

“But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3)

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—

rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,

as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. (1 Peter 3:1-6)

“And let the wife see that she respects [lit: fears] her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33b) 

that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. (Titus 2:4-5) 

Two: Holy Scripture also permits or mandates corporal punishment. If corporal punishment were wrong, God would not endorse it:

“He who spares his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” (Proverbs 13:24) 

“Do not withhold correction from a child,
For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.

You shall beat him with a rod,
And deliver his soul from hell” (Proverbs 23:13-14) 

“then it shall be, if the wicked man deserves to be beaten, that the judge will cause him to lie down and be beaten in his presence, according to his guilt, with a certain number of blows” 

“Forty blows he may give him and no more, lest he should exceed this and beat him with many blows above these, and your brother be humiliated in your sight.” (Deuteronomy 25:2-3) 

Blows that hurt cleanse away evil,
As do stripes the inner depths of the heart. (Proverbs 20:30)

Corporal punishment is further permitted in Scripture for servants, though limited to contain possible harm. A master had to set free his servant if he beat him enough that it cost him his eye (Exodus 21:26). He would also be punished if he beat his servant so much that he died immediately after (Exodus 21:20). These passages clearly show that corporal punishment was permitted by masters, was likely to be practiced, and the laws are only acting to control possible misuses.

Three: It is also clear that God who is pure love scourges His beloved people: 

If they break My statutes
And do not keep My commandments,

Then I will punish their transgression with the rod,

And their iniquity with stripes. (Psalm 89:31-32) 

What do you want? Shall I come to you with a rod, or in love and a spirit of gentleness? (1 Corinthians 4:21) 

“You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.

And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;

For whom the LORD loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom He receives.”

If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?

But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.

Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?

For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.

Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:4-11) 

“As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent. (Revelation 3:19) It should be noted that much of Revelation chapters 2-3 are similarly about Jesus chastening His people. 

She bore a male Child who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron. And her Child was caught up to God and His throne. (Revelation 12:5) 

“You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the LORD your God chastens you. (Deuteronomy 8:5)

Ask of Me, and I will give You
The nations for Your inheritance,
And the ends of the earth for Your possession.

You shall break them with a rod of iron;
You shall dash them to pieces like a potter’s vessel.’ ”

Now therefore, be wise, O kings;
Be instructed, you judges of the earth.

Serve the LORD with fear,
And rejoice with trembling.

Kiss the Son, lest He be angry,
And you perish in the way,
When His wrath is kindled but a little.
Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him.

(Psalm 2:8-12)  

“For he who eats and drinks in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgment to himself, not discerning the Lord’s body.

For this reason many are weak and sick among you, and many sleep.

For if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged.

But when we are judged, we are chastened by the Lord, that we may not be condemned with the world.” (1 Corinthians 11:29-32) 

“And that servant who knew his master’s will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes.“

“But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more. (Luke 12:47-48) 

“I will be his Father, and he shall be My son. If he commits iniquity, I will chasten him with the rod of men and with the blows of the sons of men. (2 Samuel 7:14)

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The number of Old Testament passages highlighting God’s punishment are too many by far to include here. I will assume you are familiar with them, so I only listed a couple. It is clear that God punishes, not just a rebellious mankind, but His chosen people too. Israel in the Old Covenant, and the Ecclesia in the New, are chastened by God when they sin. This alone shows that chastisement is in line with love, in this case, with the perfect love of a perfect and thrice-holy God. The same God also ordains certain earthly authorities, and He also mandates or otherwise permits corporal punishment. This is a rich foundation for the use of discipline in marriage, and a husband may use spanking, among other options to correct his wife. 

Beyond those three main bases, spanking also fits in as a means for a man to do his job biblically as a husband, being taught to lead his wife in virtue and holiness, washing her clean as Christ washes His Bride clean. It will assist the woman in her biblical role, which includes faithfulness, modesty, gentleness, homemaking, and obedience to husband. Have you ever known wives who fail badly in those things? They needed more instruction and correction from their husband, and have suffered from his passivity. The man is ultimately responsible for his wife’s well-being, including her spiritual wellbeing, and chastisement will help her grow as a woman. It will help him manage and lead her to the right goal.

This foundation I cite for you is sufficient, and it is the same foundation by which we make other decisions, including the use of punishment. Because we respect the authority of governments, we accept that they can lock men in prison, despite not having a biblical mandate to use prison sentences as a general punishment. We accept it based on the God-ordained authority of the government, just as we accept other decisions they make which are not in Scripture. We also accept that parents can send their children to their room, and also have a bedtime for their children, despite lacking a specific mandate for either practice. The fact that parents are the ones in authority, and the fact there is nothing biblical against these practices, allow us to know with confidence that parents may do these things. We accept that employers may hold staff meetings once a week which everyone must attend, despite lacking a biblical mandate, and we accept this simply by recognizing the employers’ authority. Employers may hold a weeklong training session for their new hires, despite not having a clear biblical mandate to do so, and no one would think to say they are being bad Christians. We would all just accept it, because they have legitimate authority, and there’s nothing unethical about training. Follow the same logic, dear reader, and we know that husbands may discipline their wives, since we accept their God-given authority, and we know Scripture allows punishment given by an authority to those under authority, and that it also endorses spanking. In using spanking in marriage, we are doing nothing less that following the same understanding we use elsewhere in coming to truth. To come to another conclusion would involve radically altering our methods of understanding, and this is suspicious and uncalled for. Don’t change your methods to suit the occasion. Follow consistent logic in reading Scripture and we know that a man may spank his wife.

You sometimes hear the frequent critics say that we misuse the well-known Hebrews 12 passage, because the passage is not a mandate to use corporal punishment. But this is not an objection at all, because that’s not the point being made in the first place. The point being made is something else, and quite valid; the passage shows that punishment is in harmony with love, and in this case, the language at times implies harsh punishment. It compares God’s punishment to a father’s discipline of his son, which in that day likely would have been with a rod. It is no misuse at all to say this reveals that discipline is loving. Read the passage yourself and you will come away with the same understanding. Discipline is good for us, while being painful, and in the long run will bear fruit. That ought to silence all the false accusers who say that marital discipline is unloving, cruel, prideful, abusive, etc. According to the Bible itself, discipline is loving and it’s good for us.

More Christians would acknowledge this and support the practice. However, they are pretty much chained by the culture. They believe if they breathe a word in favor of spanking wives, they will face attack, alienation, and lose friends and church members. Pastors, who ought to know better, refuse to teach in favor of it, even if they privately believe in it. They don’t want to face the consequences. Their lack of a good biblical argument against it belies how weak their position is, being ultimately one founded on their feelings, or the currents of the current culture. That’s a shame, but it’s no surprise, as these are men who have made other compromises with biblical truth, and this is just one in a long line. The fact is, if a Christian or minister really is afraid of supporting marital discipline, at the minimum, he can cease from attacking it, and cease from making such poor arguments against it. Be tolerant of what you know to be acceptable biblically, which is the only honest thing to do apart from supporting the practice.

I hope all readers here can see this truth as clearly as I do; that if the man has authority, he has a right to use discipline, and he has a right to use corporal punishment. That’s no different from any other authority. Its biblical basis is no different than the basis for parents or governments giving punishments not demanded in Scripture, or having rules not given in Scripture. It is rooted in ordained headship, the legitimacy of spanking, and the loving nature of discipline itself. Punishment should be fair, and be given out of love and not anger. However, this is a legitimate tool in a husband managing his wife, leading her to be more virtuous. If it’s effective, he really ought to use it. If more couples knew how well discipline works, especially spanking, they would surely be eager to practice it themselves, and enjoy the peaceable results. Get over the lack of knowledge and the fear, and you will live your roles more fully and fruitfully. 

Please share this article with those who have a willing heart to learn. 

NOTE: I have added italics in the biblical quotes for emphasis, while removing the regular italics which indicate assumed words. I have left the ones used for OT citations in the NT.

NOTE 2: I recently had another person write me and confess to writing a fictional comment. Praise God. That is the right thing to do, and I invite anyone else who has done the same to confess. You know it is wrong.