Discipline Description: Lateness Does Not Pay

I’m surely not the only husband who has given spankings for coming to bed very late. While I don’t have a strict standard, my wife knows the routine for getting the children to bed, and for getting to bed herself. If there is some unexpected emergency, naturally she can come to me and let me know she has to be late. However, to just keep me waiting for a long time, because he wanted to do other things, is unacceptable. This happened recently, and I took her to task for it.

This lateness was not the first time it had happened in recent weeks. She’d done the same thing around a month prior, and I let it go with a verbal reminder, after which she assured me she wouldn’t do it again. This time she would not get off so easily. I do not take it lightly if my wife ignores what I tell her, and I consider it both irresponsible and disrespectful, so it will earn her a very thorough spanking. That is what I planned to give her. It is better for her to have to face the music, because that will give her the chance to end her behavior, so it does not progress and get worse. She needs to know it is serious, and that I am serious. 

I informed my wife in the evening that I’d have to have “a talk” with her. When she came in to our bedroom, I had her undress as usual, and she knelt before me, seeing the loopy she’d be experiencing sitting next to me.

“I’m going to have to deal with this tonight, and I think you know why,” I said. “I don’t accept you ignoring it when I tell you not to do things. I don’t accept you coming in very late without a reason. That has always been the case and it still is. So do you understand that you were doing wrong the other evening?”

“Yes, sir,” was her quiet reply. 

“Okay. You should know that. And I told you about that before, not long ago. A month or so ago that happened again. I didn’t punish you that time. I reminded you what I expected. That is what I expect, and you know that. Now if it is repeated, you know very well how it will end up. You just don’t ignore what I tell you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Now if you were on a job and you simply ignored what your boss told you, or you came in very late without a reason, you would get called into the office. Then the boss might not give you a spanking, but he just might give you something that you like less. Now if you did it repeatedly, you surely would be called into the office. Is that clear? “

“Yes, sir,” she repeated. 

“Now that is not a satisfactory way to do things. Now when you ignore what I say multiple times, and come in an hour late without a reason, I take it to be disrespect. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Now you have to listen to what I say. Otherwise, that is disrespect clearly. Is it right to disrespect your husband?”

“No, sir.”

I shook my head slowly, and said “No it is not.” 

Then I affirmed that she took responsibility: “Alright, so you know that you earned this?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You should have known better. You should have listened to your man. And that’s why you’re going to end up over my knee tonight. I do not accept that. You better learn your lesson. Get over my knee.” 

I slapped my knee a few times: tap tap. She stood up and came over, sniffling, and lay over my knee. I picked up the loop beside me and took a solid grasp.

“Get that little bottom in the air,”  I said, adjusting her over my lap. “It is going to get whipped.”

I immediately went to work on her bare backside: Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap

“When I tell you to do something, you have to do it, is that very clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

Slap

I asked her firmly, “Do you understand who your man is?”

“Yes, sir.”

Slap, slap, slap

“You earned this,” I said, and delivered another single hard slap. She began sobbing, as the lecture and strapping softened her.

“You are going to learn a lesson from me tonight,” I continued. “You earned this, you deserve it, and you learn from it.” Her chest heaved as she continued sobbing and sniffing

“Do you understand, woman?”

“Yes, sir.” 

“You are over my knee, and you are getting a lesson tonight.” Her upturned cheeks lay on my lap at my disposal. 

Slap, slap.

“You don’t like that. If you don’t like that you should have thought about your choice. You should have chosen not to ignore your man. You should have chosen not to disrespect your man.” I gave her two light taps on the bottom before I continued. “I was your actions which led to this.”

Slap, slap, slap, slap, I continued her punishment with hard swats. “That little bottom is mine. If you don’t listen to your man with your ears, you’re going to have to listen with that backside, and learn your lesson over my knee.”

She was crying fully at her punishment, freely pouring out tears. 

Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap

Her bottom grew pink as the loopy came down. “Does that hurt?” Slap. “Do you like that?” Slap. 

No,” she answered, sobbing quietly.

I hammered the point home: “Now your choice led to that. You chose to ignore your man. You chose to disrespect your man. That is absolutely unacceptable. Is that clear?”

 “Yes, sir,” she managed to blurt out after a few seconds. 

“Do I accept you being irresponsible?” 

Slap. “You answer your man.”

Through tears and sobs, she managed, “No, sir.”

“No, I do not. Do I accept you being disrespectful?”

No, sir.”

“No, so you learn your lesson tonight,” I instructed her, before I delivered a hard strapping to continue her punishment.  

Slap, slap, slap. “And you think better next time.” Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, 

The tears started flowing freely again, as I landed the stripes. Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. The final solid stroke landed, eliciting a sudden, deep breath from her. 

“Now that’s not a way you want to spend your evening. You don’t want to have to end up over my knee, and you don’t want to end up getting whipped. Do you like that?”

She sobbed. “No sir,” she managed to say between tears. 

“Then you need to choose better behavior. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You think about better behavior,” I directed her. “That’s what you need to do.” Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap

“You know better than that. You’ve been told before,” I told he in a strict and firm voice. Slap. “That is unacceptable. You know better.”

Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap

More sobbing came from her, as her tears poured out.  

“You do not keep your man waiting for an hour, without asking if there’s some reason. You do not keep me waiting for an hour, ever. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Have I told you this before?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then you need to commit yourself to doing things differently.” Slap “And doing things the right way” Slap Slap “The way that your man,” Slap, “has told you to do things.” Slap, slap, slap, slap. I heard her Sobbing and cries as I continued her chastisement. 

“Who do you belong to?”

She sobbed heavily. 

“Who do you belong to?”

“You.”

“Who does that butt belong to?”

“You, sir,” she managed between sobs.

“Okay. You accept this lesson,” I told her. “You learn from this lesson. Then you commit yourself to doing things differently. This is your lesson.”

Through her tears I continued: Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. 

“Your man’s going to whip that butt when he needs to,” I said. “You’re not going to get away with dismissing what I tell you. And you’re not going to get away with disrespecting me. Those things are absolutely unacceptable in this marriage, is that clear?”

Slap

Crying, with shaking voice, she replied, “Yes, sir.”

“Now how are you going to behave from now on? Are you going to come in on time?”

Through trembling voice, she said, “Yes, sir.” 

“Are you going to ask if you have to be that late?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Are you going to be respectful to your man?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Are you very committed to that?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Are you committed to doing things the right way, like I have told you?”

“Yes, sir.”

Tap tap, “You need to be.” Slap. Gasp

“Are you sorry for your behavior?”

“Yes, sir,” she answered, still sobbing. 

Slap. “You should be. You should be very sorry.” Slap, slap, slap, “I don’t accept that. You think about how you will do things, and you learn this lesson.”

Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, I continued through her sobbing and crying, slap, slap, slap, slap, as she cried more. 

“That backside is not feeling good. Do you like being over your man’s knee?”

“No, sir,” she said, sniffling.

“Okay. Then you be a good girl. Are you going to be a good girl from now on?”

Through tears, she cried out, “Yes, siiiiir.”

Slap

“Do you know who you belong to?”

Still sobbing, “Yes, sir.”

Slap

“Are you going to be on time from now on?”

“Yes, sir.”

Slap.

“Are you going to respect your man?”

“Yes, sir.”

I finished her spanking like I usually do: “I do not,” Slap, “expect anything different. Is that very clear?”

“Yes, sir”.

Slap. “I am not going to accept that.” Slap. “From you ever again.” Slap. “Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir,” she said crying. 

“Are you my woman?”

Sobbing, “Yes, sir.”

Slap

“You learn your lesson?”

“Yes, sir,” through sobs.

Slap

“Okay,” I said finishing up. “That butt is mine. We’re done here. You can stand up.” I helped her lean up from over my knee and stand up. “You can spend a few minutes in the corner. Your man gave you hard lesson and a hard lesson is what you earned.” Her sobs continued. 

I walked her over to the corner, and placed the loopy in her hands to hold during her corner time. “That is the lesson I expect you to learn,” I said, as I left her to think about her future behavior, still sniffling and sobbing.

I believe I had been as thorough as I wanted from the start. She had to face a long time laying over my lap, and must have been wondering when it would end. I believe a spanking ought to take a woman well past tears, and this one certainly did. She had to face her own responsibility and her own failing. I was extremely clear about what I needed from her. A woman being spanked should be left with no doubts about the seriousness of her wrong, and no doubts whom she belongs to. She should be very grateful when her spanking is finally over. 

After giving my wife fifteen minutes or so in the corner, and plenty of time to think about how to respond, I brought her back over for our finishing talk. I had her explain how she would correct her behavior in the future, and show that she knew what I expected of her. She gave me her word that it would never happen again. “That session was hard for you,” I explained, “but it was important and you needed to face the consequences and learn. It’s a short part of an evening altogether, but the rewards are for much longer.” 

I have not seen her come in that late since this correction, and I have seen her be very attentive in other matters. She always ups her performance a notch. This I am pleased to see. A spanking helps a wife to listen to her husband, and always serves as a reminder to follow him. It gives her a humbling that will help her to serve.  

Like my past discipline description, this was transcribed from an audio of the spanking itself. All of the dialogue and the strapping is correct to the last detail.


Comments

20 responses to “Discipline Description: Lateness Does Not Pay”

  1. Sally888 Avatar
    Sally888

    I have read most of your articles and I remember in a article from a long time ago you mentioning that there are times you go to bed before your wife because she has things to do because her work for that day is not done yet so she comes to bed later than you do.

    On this particular night, had you previously told her she was to come to bed with you at a certain time and she just ignored you?

    1. Hello Sally, Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you remembered that point. My wife does have a regular time when she needs to be ready for bed. Anything apart from that is an exception, and she needs to tell me. She’d been late recently before this punishment, and I’d simply verbally reminded her. There was nothing that made it impossible for her to be on time, and I did not want that becoming a habit. She knew she had earned it.

  2. LindatoBehave Avatar
    LindatoBehave

    Thank you so much for posting the Lateness Does Not Pay. Honestly, my husband is such a time fanatic, and so being totally frank, I have spent time over his knee because of time issues. Whether it is time to get to bed, have dinner done, be dressed and ready to leave for a family event, or be dressed and ready to leave for a meeting of some sort, I had better plan ahead and keep him advised of the possibility of being late. No explanation, no call or planning something that could/does result in a missed time mandate, results in a thorough spanking. Thank you again and I sincerely hope that your wife has learned her lesson and please let her know that she is not the only one held to time standards.

    1. You’re welcome, Linda. Thank you for sharing your discipline experiences with your husband. Time should be important in any family home, and a wife needs to know to follow her husband’s rules. Unexpected problems that may push the time back need to be addressed with the man of the house. In an age of texts, and communications within seconds, there is very little excuse for a wife not to let her husband know if something unexpected arises, or to ask his permission to do things differently. It is quite presumptuous for a wife to think she can put things off significantly without approval. My wife was spanked for lateness plenty of times early in our marriage, and she rarely needs it today.

      I will let my wife know, as you ask, that she’s not the only wife who has to be punctual. Take care.

  3. Bluweal Avatar

    Good evening Sir, I’ve been following your blog for sometime and am also a practitioner of CDD. As with your wife, mine does not require serious correction all that often, however recently she acted out in disobedience toward me and I had to deal with it firmly. After a good warm up of her bare bottom over my knee as I lectured her, I moved onto the serious discipline time with a wooden spoon. This can be a formidable intrstument as some of the women who read your post about intsuments have testified recently. She ended up receiving around 60 strokes, though she would have received less, but earned extra by not maintaining her proper position over my knee several times. Her bottom was more than just red when I finished and she bore the evidence of her chastening for several days.
    I say all this to preface, I counted about 90 recorded swats in the description of your wife’s discipline. Were these moderately light and an effective correction due to their number or was her bottom also more than red and bearing the evidence of her chastisement for several days due to the severity and firmness of the strokes of the loopy?
    While I do believe that bruising should not be something to be feared in hard spanking and I hold fast to the wisdom of Proverbs 20:30, it is hard at times to see the bottom of the woman I love so marked.

    1. Hello, I am glad to hear that you are managing your wife so well. With time discipline should not be common, but when you have to, you need to be firm, as you describe. Disobedience should not be tolerated. There were around 90 strokes in this spanking. They were not light strokes, but not given with all my strength either. They were good and hard, and left her red after the spanking, and the soreness lasted a few days. There is nothing wrong with some marks afterward, as they will cause no lasting harm.

      Thank you.

  4. Wondering Avatar
    Wondering

    It is funny (not really 🫣) that this post came up when it did. My husband has just been talking to me about my sleeping habits. I get up whenever the sun comes up, no matter what time I go to bed. After telling him about this post, he laughed and asked me what I think a good bedtime for myself would be. 😵‍💫 I kind of laughed it off and I don’t wanna bring it up again anytime soon. I hope he doesn’t. 😳

    1. Yeah, you don’t want one more thing you could get in trouble for. Thanks for your comment!

  5. Oswald Avatar

    Your wife must be tough as nails or be incredibly disciplined. My wife is already a mess before I even start spanking her. After two minutes of working her over with my hand, you’d think she had just been mauled by a grizzly bear. If I took a loopy to her backside for 100 strokes, she may well not survive the experience, lol.

    I’m certainly not complaining, she fears my simple disappointment, she really, really fears finding herself stripped over my knee. This leads to her generally only needing to be whipped a couple times a year. At the beginning of our marriage I had to whip her sometimes multiple times a month, but those days are long, long behind us.

    How any man effectively manages a wife without giving her to occasional physical correction, I will never know. I suspect such a thing does not exist.

    1. Hello Oswald, It is not easy for my wife, but she does have self control, and is able to overcome her fear of being spanked. She also takes her submission seriously, and receiving a punishment well is a part of her submission. It could make discipline easier if women are sensitive to it, and will respond to miler punishment, but I really do not ever spank mildly. This one was intentionally long, since I had told her about this problem before.

      Sure, many men are unable to manage their wives at all. Spanking makes the difference. I’m very glad you know how to handle your wife well.

      Thanks for your comment.

  6. Aron, this may be wrong to say, but I take comfort in the fact that your beautiful wife, whose God-fearing soul wrote that blessed piece about the importance of submitting to your husband, is in reality an imperfect woman, just like me. She sometimes forgets your expectations, lingering too long on something unimportant, failing to give your recent warning the weight it deserved, while also failing to honor her own word when she assured you it wouldn’t happen again.

    There is such shame in my heart when I realize I have disobeyed my husband once again, and the shameful regret only deepens when I must kneel to be lectured and bend over to be rightfully punished by his hand. Why have I not listened to my man? Why was I so careless? Why must he spank me for me to learn? If I would heed his word the first time, it would save us both such trouble. I draw some comfort from the firm belief that this is God’s way of tending my heart, keeping it humble and soft, with the fresh, renewed desire to serve my husband at the forefront of my mind, no longer buried under distractions and sinful temptations. My husband offers me comfort when he draws me into his arms afterwards, reminding me of how very much I am loved, even when over his knee. He also reminds me that my disobedience, demonstrating my need for his punishment, happens much less frequently now than in our early days, evidence of how well I am responding to his oversight. He reassures me that I am redeemed and forgiven, safe in the warmth of his love.

    But sometimes I am tempted to think that your lovely wife has reached a pinnacle of perfection that I will surely never be able to achieve, and that you no longer need to spank her. I began to think that you’ve based your articles on a storehouse of distant memories, rewarded for your early efforts with a wife who is unfailing in her duties, always faithful in her submission, strong in ways that I am not. It’s funny the way that guilt and shame can eat at your heart when your ego is freshly humbled and your bottom is still tender and bruised. I convince myself that I am the only sinful, shameful, painfully spanked wife on this earth. I am working on not being so hard on myself, trying to internalize my husband’s forgiveness and God’s never-ending grace.

    I’m sure it wasn’t your intention, but it brings me great comfort to know that this woman I’ve never met, but have looked up to for so long (in my single days, I prayed to become an obedient, submissive wife just like her), is also imperfect. Like me, she stumbles, is spanked, and is forgiven. My heart goes out to her while reading of her tears and what I know was a very painful experience for her, physically and emotionally. But it also makes me feel connected to her in a strange way. It reminds me that I am not the only one who tries so hard, yet still sometimes fails.

    My husband and I would like to thank you for sharing your experience with us.

    1. I’m very glad the article makes you feel so connected to my wife, Sophia. Even women who do a good job with submission, and are hardworking, sometimes slip up and need correction. Part of the reason my wife is able to do such a good job is that I have made it a point to give her clear expectations, and I hold her accountable. That helps to guide and drive her, and I have to discipline her much less often over the years. I do think she is an excellent example for other women, and she makes me pleased daily.

      It’s a good thing that you feel ashamed when you mess up, as you will learn from the experience of failure and correction. It also means you really want to do everything right for your husband, so you believe in your goal, which is a worthy one. Feeling shame or guilt is a benefit to you, and it will only be short lived, until you are righted once again.

      Keep striving to be godly and virtuous wife.

  7. Thank you so much for your kind words, Aron. I always appreciate your insight. You are quite right to remind me, as my husband also does, that the burning discomfort of shame is an important part of my correction and redemption. It’s reassuring evidence to us both that I agree my husband has set fair and righteous expectations for me as his wife, and that my decision to go against him was not only wrong, but sinful and worthy of punishment. In disappointing my husband and, ultimately, God, I have also disappointed myself, and that acknowledgement is, and should be, painful. It helps my heart to become fully repentant and protects against any resentment I might otherwise feel towards the man who spanked me. Shame reminds me that I know better and therefore have no one to blame but myself.

    What I strive to be better at doing is channeling that shame into a renewed focus to listen to my man and follow his word rather than stewing on my imperfections. That’s not productive or helpful to our marriage. I will continue to hold your lovely wife in my mind as an example of the virtue and obedience that I should be exhibiting towards my own husband everyday. I know that I will always be an imperfect woman (though I am less and less so the more time I have spent in my husband’s wise care). What’s important is opening my heart to my man fully and committing to please him and obey his word each and every day.

    In doing so, I hope to also set a godly example for our daughters, so that offering obedience and respect to their future husbands will feel natural and right. I pray their marriages will give glory to God, and my heart swells to think that I will be able to be there for them in all of the ways I wished a trusted (disciplined) woman friend had been there for me, offering comfort and guidance to a young wife as she learns to adapt to all that a strong Christian man will require of her.

    Of course, their father provides the most important foundation for their future marriages by showing them how a good Christian man should behave. He does not compromise in his faith, he is not hounded by his wife, nor does he back down from exercising his authority in our family. He is respected as the man of our house, he is obeyed by his wife and children, and he leads us without apology or hesitation (a rare quality in a man). Having seen such a prime example of Christian manhood their whole lives, I can’t imagine that they would ever be drawn to a weak man, one who would allow them to give in to sinful impulses because he’s too afraid to hold them accountable. One of my daughters has a soft, meek, and loving soul, and I know she’ll be easily led, but my other daughter has a fire in her heart and a stubborn insistence on her own way that will require a skilled husband to manage. Her father is lovingly laying that groundwork now, so that it won’t come as such a shock to her later. I pray that she’ll learn before she leaves our home that boundaries and accountability bring a comforting structure to her world that can help her manage all of those big feelings. If she can, it’s my hope that she’ll be able to lean into a man who wants to provide her with that same structure in marriage, knowing already how much she needs it and benefits from it.

    (I apologize that my comments are always so long and rambling. With little ones at home, I am constantly interrupted, and so I chip away at a draft of a response in my free moments, a sentence here and there, sometimes late at night when I can’t sleep, and when I finally post weeks later, I realize I’ve drifted into completely different territory. But it’s my prayer that in commenting frequently, I will aid God in drawing attention to your site, leading more readers to you, whose words strengthen marriages and bring peace to Cristian homes.)

    Thank you again, Aron, for the beautiful example of Christian marriage and righteous male headship that you have shared with the world. My husband and I pray for you and your family each day.

    1. Thank you for your insights, Sophia. I hope they will be helpful to our readers. Bless you and your family.

  8. breezyholmes135@gmail.com Avatar
    breezyholmes135@gmail.com

    Wow, your wife must be one tough cookie Sir. My hubby doesn’t like correcting me but he definitely has and will. Mine uses grounding and lines or essays and corner time and whipping me is a last resort. The last one I got was with the paddle and I was sobbing into my pillow and didn’t move for a good minute. I’m not allowed things like social media or certain apps and I was on an old social media account and I messed up and told on myself. That punishment was tough and I steer clear of social media. I highly respect my hubby who provides a beautiful home and everything into this home for our kids and I. I’m blessed to get to homeschool and keep myself busy with that, housework and my other hobbies like crocheting things and I knew better to go against hubby’s rules. I was definitely sorry for it after the swats. Men are to be respected and their rules of the home and I definitely keep that in mind. I’m thankful my hubby rarely has to use spanking of any form on me nowadays after 12 years married but it’s definitely humbling when he has to remind me of my role. I am one of the types that after 10 to 15 swats I’m sobbing like a baby but like you, he does go even further and send home the message giving more swats and I’m begging for it to be over before he even starts.

    1. Yes, my wife can take the hard punishments when I give them to her. She knows how to handle it. I don’t have to spank her often anymore though. It sounds like they teach you a good lesson when you have to get one. If other methods work too, that’s all good.

  9. ravengirl Avatar

    I recently came across this website and have been wanting to ask my husband if headship and submission is something he would like to try. But stories like this one really scare me. I would not want to be punished so severely for simply coming to bed late. I would not want my husband to micro-manage my work time, leisure time or bedtime. With all due respect, I don’t understand why a grown woman needs a bed time, or why you need to wait for her. I often come to bed late, and my husband never waits – he just goes to sleep, whether I’m in bed or not. At the end of an exhausting day, what else is there for him to do or to wait up for?

    If I were to embrace submission, would there be any limit to my husband’s authority? I would love to learn to follow him, to have him take charge of our business, finances, and direction in life. But would he also make rules about my dress and hairstyle, food I may eat, choice of friends, who to vote for, medical treatments I may accept, or even my faith? These things are so deeply rooted in who I am that I cannot, and should not, surrender them to anyone but God. In the past, doing so has left me vulnerable to degenerating into someone I was not, and to being led into ungodliness.

    When I was young, I was naturally submissive, so I attracted controlling boyfriends who made me wear trashy, skimpy clothes, live a sinful lifestyle, participate in immoral and cruel actions, and give up church and all my Christian friendships. In the end, I married my husband who is not a Christian, but he at least respects my autonomy to make decisions in those areas I mentioned. Would that change if he became the head? I want to be his co-pilot, not his slave. If we do commit to headship and submission in our marriage, is it possible to establish safeguards around his power, or is it an all-or-nothing endeavour?

    1. Hello Ravengirl, I’m very glad you’ve found my blog. I would recommend going through the beginning articles, and slowly making your way through. It is hard to absorb all of that at once. It is a righteous desire you have to ask your husband to take real authority. That is his role, and your role is in submission. Marriage is designed well, to glorify God and to bring about good for mankind, so you can be sure that the man’s authority and your submission is a part of that great value. We are literally designed for that union as man and woman, and your desire for your man’s power is perfectly natural. It is something to long for. Do not be afraid.

      If you are the kind of co-pilot to say “yes sir” and do as you are told, then perhaps you could be a copilot. However, the marriage is not really modeled after pilots. It is most specifically modeled after Christ and the Church. Christ leads and His people follow Him in all things. This is just as the wife follows her husband in all things. Headship is not part time and submission is not part time. The husband has the right to set the rules of the home, and to manage what he believes needs to be managed. You need to follow that. Having a basic bedtime is a good idea, and well within the husband’s authority to decide on. It keeps the home life orderly, and it makes sure people get the rest they need. My wife generally has no problem respecting that, and in the case that she was punished, it was because of repeated infractions, and prior notice. It has not happened since then. 

      At work you would be required to show up on time. You would be told when your lunch break is and for how long. You may have a limited potty break, and you’ll get in trouble if you try to stretch that potty break out too long. You have a variety of rituals you need to perform at work, not all of which will seem best to you, but you have to do them. You may even have a special uniform to wear, or if not, some basic dress standards to follow. If billions of people can follow some basic, common sense regulations like that at work, you can believe me: wives can follow them at home. It’s not that hard. 

      You have nothing to worry about in being able to follow your husband. It would be quite rare that a husband passes thousands of regulations, like governments do, and makes a totalitarian household. Nearly all husbands have some basic standards for the home that their wife needs to follow. They have some basic rules of behavior for her. Unless she has a rebellious heart, it is not that difficult for her to learn to follow the rules, although she may slip up sometimes early on. My wife does it very well, and she does not need to be punished very often. When she is, she sincerely works on learning, and doing better next time. It is very far from over regulated, and downright liberal compared to the number of rules at workplaces or in local government. 

      What you need to do most is trust. Beyond recognizing your husband’s authority, which you have said you desire, you need to trust in him. Trust that you are not going to be in control anymore and he is going to take care of matters. Trust his judgment. Trust his decisions. Trust him when he needs to correct your behavior, and be malleable in his hands as he shapes you. It is possible to think of a thousand worries, but in actual real time, you just learn with the basic intelligence and diligence God gave you, and you overcome any obstacles to it. Your husband is the head, and it is not yours to decide what rules he makes.

      You may talk with him of course. You can gently share your opinion, or what you think will work best. However, what he decides you have to follow, and if you don’t then it is fair he punish you. My wife can go months without getting spanked, and she is also easy to verbally correct. Households all have their variety, and how correction works out also has plenty of variety. Don’t expect that your husband will do things the same way that I do, or that others who comment here do. It is something you will see as he learns and grows in managing you.

      You are not autonomous. No one is really. Your husband, although he has the right to authority, is not autonomous either. Man and wife are joined to each other. They operate as one body. They have duties to each other, and they have duties to the household and the children. You, as the wife, uniquely have the duty to submit, so you give up a layer of decision making to your husband. This is true elsewhere in life, as we are not free to do anything we want on our hearts, as we would get in trouble for much of what we desire to do. There are just authorities over us which set rules, and which apply punishment. This is basic to human society, and there is a portion of this in marriage. 

      Of course, wives make many smaller decisions themselves, as husbands mostly don’t want to micro-manage their wives. My wife makes a variety of decisions regarding her own projects, but she has to make them within my guiderails, and seek my permission for anything major. On a daily basis, I don’t need to tell her everything to do, because I practice general oversight. I can indeed tell her what to do in her projects, but such a case is rare. I set the rules, and she sails within them, making a number of smaller decisions herself.

      The safeguards around your husband’s power is the moral law. You do not need to follow him to do something which is evil. However, you do need to follow him in things you may disagree with. You should have a mind to learn from him, to accept his decisions, and to understand your role in helping him, and not in hindering him. The rules are for your good and the good of the household, and I think in nearly all instances, you will understand the basic logic behind them. You will see what they seek to accomplish, even if they require a change for you, or you don’t personally like them at first. Remember, not liking something doesn’t mean it’s actually wrong. Decide in your heart that if you don’t personally like something, you will embrace it because it is your husband’s will. You are a part of him. You are his body. He is your lord.

      There is nothing wrong with being a “slave.” The word is used to convey many things, including noble relationships, and including cruel, malicious kidnap slavery. In marriage, as in the Church, it means something good. It simply means you are under the authority and you serve them. The authority looks after you and is benevolent. You honor and help him accomplish his goals. We are all to be slaves to someone, and we should all be servants of God. It is not ignoble. It is fully in accord with human dignity, because it’s done in love and for God’s purposes. 

      Look to your husband as your lord. Seek to serve him in your heart. It will all flow from that heart attitude, and trusting in him you will overcome your fears.

      I hope that provides you some insight in understanding how headship and submission works. It is not complete, but it is a sketch of the picture. I would sit down and speak with your husband about this soon. Once you are moving forward, you can share any trepidation you have.

      Take care. 

      1. ravengirl Avatar

        Thank you Aron, for this eloquent explanation of DD marriage. It sounds so wonderful – we must live and work in the roles we were designed for by nature. Yes, I really do want my husband to be my lord. I think I can learn to obey rules I don’t like, but the key word you used here is TRUST. Since my husband does not follow Christ, I don’t trust him to make rules that are in line with Christian principles, such as dressing modestly or going to church regularly. But then, I have not yet spoken to him about any of this. Perhaps he will be considerate of my faith as he begins to lead our home. I will certainly go back and read the articles on how to begin. Peace to you and to your family.

        1. Thank you. I look forward to hearing how your marriage grows. I will pray for your husband’s conversion. I know that you can follow him in all things unless they go against the word of God. Peace to you.

Leave a Reply