How You Can Encourage Discipline in Marriage

Part of my goal in this ministry is to help spread the word about how good and useful that discipline is in marriage. Along with this naturally comes the value of the man’s authority, and everything else that makes a marriage. I want more couples to have happy and harmonious marriages which last for life. I also want to see larger cultural change. That includes more of a normalcy for spanking, but also the legal legitimacy of the man’s headship. His headship is not a game. It’s not based on his personality. His headship is given by God, and written in his nature, and society should legally recognize it.

I know many of the readers here believe strongly in some of those goals, if not all of them. They also want to see more and better marriages. They want to see less conflict in marriage and less divorce. They want to see men respected and women behaving themselves. They’d be very happy if more ladies out there were getting the spanking they both need and deserve. Surely a few readers would also appreciate a political push to recognize once again that a wife is under her husband’s authority, just as it recognizes that children are under their parents’ authority. Marriage is not a mere partnership. It is a real unity with a purpose and a structure. I’m not the only one who understands that.

I’d like to make a few suggestions here in how you can aid in reaching our goals. Don’t be divisive if you don’t believe in all of them. Simply contribute. There are simple things that you and I can do to spread the good news. Our heart should motivate us to actions.

Firstly, the online world is a great public forum. If you wish to inform people about male headship or about discipline, you can go online, anonymously if necessary, and post good links to articles, as well as some videos. You can also start your own website, be it informative, or a personal blog for those of you who practice discipline. You don’t need to be updating it constantly, just stay active and answer any comments or e-mails you receive. It doesn’t require that much time, nor does it have to be as involved as what I do. 

If you do not have the time to start your own blog, then definitely share this material here at Spank Your Wife, and share other material which you find online. Participate in the comments section to encourage and inform people. Get behind teachers who are putting out the message to help their ministry, and get others to know them. If you possess technical talents, you can volunteer those talents to help at their websites as well. I have had one volunteer who helped me change over from my previous website to this one, and I could not have done it without him, unless I paid someone to do it. You may have marketing skills which would be valuable as well and which would spread such blogs to a wider audience.

Teaching and defending marital spanking can also be done on online forums. Not all forums allow this, but some will. You can post a description of the topic. You can also go to forums where it is being criticized and respond to the objections. I do some of this, actively searching out articles on domestic discipline, posting comments, and occasionally responding to criticisms. It creates a voice, and it gets people used to hearing about the topic. In a culture which has tried to get all of society used to hearing about the most despicable acts of immorality, it is a much better alternative to get people used to hearing about what should be normal, which is the man’s headship, and loving correction of his wife. They should not be able to sweep it under the rug. It should be bright and visible for all to see, like it or not.

While few in the spanking community do it, sharing with friends or family openly about wife spanking can be even more helpful. I realize it takes a risk, since the practice is frowned upon, but if you want to bring something good out in the open, a face-to-face talk is better than online discourse. I’ve only shared what I do with two friends, although I assume others have figured it out. In the future I may share with more. I’m sure there are some of you much bolder than I am, and you could talk about it with your own family and friends. Not everyone is as madly against it as one sometimes imagines, and many will respect your views and your way of life. That’s just a part of bringing discipline to the public forum and the culture. 

While the specific topic I write about is wife spanking, it is part and parcel of marriage itself. Promoting traditional marriage through similar means will help shift the culture in the right direction, and in a direction that is more capable of fairly processing the topic of discipline in marriage. In the context of real authority, discipline makes much sense. Outside of that context, it makes less sense, other than as a game. Marriage includes authority, mutual love, a lifelong bond, intimacy, and bearing children. Do what you can to promote real marriage, and you prime the culture to hear more good news.

As in other truths, the best way to spread it is to live it yourself. If you want a loving world, love others. If you want a fair world, be fair to others. If you want more stable traditional marriage, in which spanking is accepted, then get married and live it. Have a rightly ordered marriage, and use discipline to keep harmony. Have a well behaved and respectful lady of the house. Have a man who can manage her easily, and without getting mad. The example of the peace in your home, the relationship between husband and wife, and especially the example for the children will better the world around you. Don’t doubt that. The image and peace you provide is good for men to see, and they will admire it. They may take it on themselves to follow that model, and conform themselves to it. It is naturally attractive to see a godly family, its natural order and its mutual love. There is peace. The is strength and beauty. Your family will be a way to bring good things into this corrupt world. Your family is among the best examples there is, and if you are Christian, it is among the strongest and deepest witnesses of Christ. People come to faith because of the family. Pass your values along to your children, and bring forth as many children as the Creator allows you, children who will also respect the roles of men and women, and who respect male headship.

The political level should also be a goal. While it’s not so easy for the average person to operate on that level, the average person can run for office, and can also propose or oppose various legislative bills. One goal to have on the political level is naturally the restoring of legal headship of the man of the family. It should be known to all that the head of the home is the male, and that he is the one to turn to for the final decision. It should be legally respected that he can overrule his wife, and if done promptly, can cancel and purchases or contracts she has made. He is the one who makes the financial decisions, unless he has specifically said his wife can. Along with that legal authority, comes the right to correct his wife. An end to the criminalization of marital discipline will in the long run create more and longer lasting marriages. It is a man’s right and responsibility to discipline his wife. Naturally, as with the government, there need to be certain limits to what amounts to just punishment, and outrageous violent behavior should not be permitted. However, a simple hide tanning needs to be legal punishment. It will solve many problems in marriages. Another legal goal to restore marriage is the push to end easy divorce laws. No-fault divorce needs to end. The divorce process should not be quick. Fair treatment of men also needs to be standard in case that divorce happens, from fair sharing of time with children, to an end to ripping off men financially in divorce. Central though, in my opinion, is the goal of the man’s legal authority as head of his wife. Get that right, and many other things will fall into place.

Corporal punishment in general should be a political goal. That means seeking to end any prohibitions on spanking children that certain states have; with it an end to prohibiting it in schools or foster homes. Political action also means proposing its use as a civil punishment, as was done for thousands of years in cultures across the globe, including the most advance civilizations. Whipping is not bad. It is good when it’s appropriate, as it is for many crimes. The Bible endorses the flogging of criminals, and many Christian societies have used it as a civil punishment. A whipping is superior to locking a criminal in a box with dangerous violent offenders who viciously abuse him. It is better than spending years locked up, apart from family, often being divorced during that time, and unable to work. Whipping can be a good deterrent for certain offenses, although the more severe offenses deserve much harsher treatment, included capital punishment in some cases. If people see and understand that whipping is not some bad dogmatically, they will process spanking in marriage with more wisdom and understanding.

I believe that gives you some tools to spread this useful practice. Pick one of them, or more, or all, and sow seeds in the world around you. That can be done online, in answering questions and leaving commentary. It can be done through your own website and writing, or through assisting others. You can make larger societal change through public political action which will respect the man’s headship role in marriage, and which will respect corporal punishment in general. Perhaps most importantly, respect it in your own home, along with everything which makes a marriage, so the goodness of your family is a light to the world. A rightly ordered marriage, with the man leading, ought to be very common and be understood to be the norm. Ultimately there is no reason why we cannot see that, if we are informed and take action. I hope that you are inspired to do so. A strong, happy family will inspire others to see the truth.

NOTE: I will follow this with one article on advice in starting your own discipline website, since this is a related topic.