Many women long to find a husband who will lead and discipline them, and some manage to find one, even if they have to be the one who brings up the topic, and even if they have to encourage their husband to do his role. When a husband leader is lacking, it is tempting for a woman to look for a suitable replacement, and they often do so within the BDSM lifestyle. They look for a dom, and not a husband. It may be the general need they have to be under a man. It could be their personal sense of guilt for their bad behavior that they want to deal with. It could be bad habits and attitudes they want corrected by a strong man. The goals are generally good goals, but they are looking in the wrong place for it, and they are looking in an environment, being apart from marriage, which is unstable and dangerous, and which will not provide the best guidance for them. Indeed, in some circumstances, a dom may do some limited good for them. He may act like a personal trainer or a therapist. They may see positive change. However, even when it does work with some success, a husband is superior to a dom, and this is true on multiple levels. A husband is the one that a woman should seek.
There are unique dom-sub relationships which imitate marriage. They may include that the relationship is daily, submission is constant, and there may be personal fondness and sincere affection. Yet none of that makes the dom-sub relationship more than an imitation, and not a very good one. The husband has the only role which rightfully leads the woman. He has the only role which rightfully has intimacy with her. He has an authority which is ordained by God, and which no one can take away, carrying with it the right to command and to discipline her.
One of the clearest ways in which the husband is superior to the dom is that he has this legitimate authority. It is stable because it is rooted in marriage, in the marriage vows, and an ongoing union which exists bringing every level of the man and woman’s existence together. In contrast, the dom essentially has an artificial form of authority. This is one based on the personal agreement and the felt needs of two, and sometimes more, people. That agreement can change, and their feelings can change. The guidance and correction he offers might not be there next week, just as his sub’s faithfulness and submission might vanish. It is an agreed upon theater, and there is only so much an agreed upon theater can provide the guidance necessary, and carry the strength to help one grow. It is inherently weak.
The matter of knowledge is also different between them. It takes knowledge of your subordinate to provide the best guidance and overall care. It is the husband who is in the best place to have this knowledge, not the dom. The husband knows better his wife’s character, her strengths, her weaknesses, her failings. He is further committed to her; he loves her as a matter of duty. His life is made up of service to God, love of wife and children, and his job. That means his wife is at the center of things which he does, and has his attention and energies a significant amount of the time. Knowledge flourishes in that kind of environment. With a dom no such situation exists, but on rare cases. He is not always present. He is not committed to her and to loving her. She is not at the focus of his attention much of the time. It is true some people only seek out doms as someone like a personal trainer, but that in itself is much weaker and temporal than the role of the husband, even if it does look attractive at times.
The husband is present daily to guide, encourage, and correct his wife, as well as to see what she needs to work on. He can naturally offer the needed instruction and discipline more speedily because he is always there. His presence alone daily is an act of guidance and encouragement to his wife. The sub who seeks out a dom typically does not have that. Their instructor is more distant. They do not have immediate love, touch, or discipline.
The husband is better than a dom because he is the only one who has rightful access to his woman’s body. He can legitimately have intimacy with her. A dom-sub relationship frequently includes intimacy, but this is illegitimate, and brings about all the personal and societal harms that fornication commonly does. It comes with emotional and spiritual bonding, which is necessarily dangerous and unstable, because it is apart from marriage. The husband’s intimacy with his wife, which is a rightful part of their union, makes his role in leading her and his connection with her deepen. He can have that sexual connection with her every day if he desires, and she can feel him inside her daily, deepening her sense of belonging to him, and deepening her submission.
Doms in the context of BDSM are encouraged by the practice to get into a variety of sadistic punishments, and often go to extremes both of pain and degradation. There may be severe forms of bondage, and body fluids such as piss and blood. A husband’s discipline is within the context of marriage and home life, is usually fatherly, loving discipline, is not intended to go to peaks of pain and degradation; rather more often it fits the image of the bare bottomed spanking, with belt or paddle, a tearful lady being lectured and spanked, who has to stand in the corner as children are made to do. It includes the husband’s obligation to be understanding to his wife, and to honor her as the weaker vessel, both of which moderate any severe treatment. There may be husbands who misuse discipline, but the entire marriage context of discipline is safer and more loving that BDSM, with its leather dungeon image, and some really disgusting and hideous practices. It frequently seems like punishment for punishment’s sake. The husband’s punishment is rooted in his goal of loving his wife, which simply aims for her growth as a woman, and her good behavior. It is a small piece of the whole.
A husband is further monogamous, which many doms are not, a faithfulness which builds trust and knowledge, and avoids much conflict. A dom trying to lead multiple women cannot match up. This multiplicity divides the soul, the attention, the desire, the time, and the resources. With a husband, all of this is focused on his wife. It is not divided. It is easier to know what his wife needs because he is not getting her mixed up with three different women, and it’s easier to have the time in life to manage her. No conflict between multiple women exists because there are not multiple women. While women often tolerate a man who plays around with other women too, that is usually because they don’t feel much of a choice. At heart, no woman is fulfilled in being one filly in a man’s herd, even if it might be the main one. She is fulfilled at heart to be the focus of her man’s desire, and to have the peace and trust of his faithfulness.
A husband helps his wife to grow as a woman in more ways than a dom, including through loving her, providing spiritual nourishment, and giving her children, which itself is at the heart of her womanhood. He fulfills all that she is, and he uses her rightly for all of her good purposes. She learns to be helper, servant, wife, mother, homemaker, and daughter of the Most High. This is all through her man’s guidance. The dom’s leading cannot fulfill nearly as much. It is focused on a few areas of behavior, and rarely involves having and raising children together. This makes it shallow by comparison. He may give her rules to follow, he may turn her away from a few legitimately bad behaviors, and he will punish her for wrong, but none of this come close to the loving growth provided by a husband, of a woman’s character and her life, all through love and discipline.
A Husband’s role is lifelong leadership, being a duty that cannot be abandoned, and that will always work towards the long-term growth, in leading her to become holy, virtuous, more feminine, and obedient. This is all incredibly beautiful, will help her in the long term, and a husband will be rewarded by her service throughout his life. Their bond cannot be broken. The leadership and protection he offers will not end. The husband will be able to admire his work in her, and admire all the service that she gives him in the long run. He will be rewarded and blessed many times over through the years.
Marriage comes with everything good, and it does so in the context of loving devotion. A dom-sub connection is shallower, usually focusing only on authority and submission. Some look like a relationship with a dungeon master; and even a reasonable, personable dungeon master offers shallower leadership than the physical and spiritual union of marriage, which is lifelong. The husband has the legitimate authority to lead and correct his woman, and it comes as a responsibility to him, just as he has rights to his wife’s body, and all the long-term bonding it provides. That lifelong commitment, that rooting in love, make him the right man a woman should seek out to serve.
Ladies, serve your man.
PS: For readers who are new, I would recommend going back to some of the earlier articles to get a look at the basics of spanking in marriage. You may start with articles like this one on the good it does: How it Helps You Every Day
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