Does Every Marriage Require Discipline?

Does every marriage require discipline? You sometimes hear people ask this, and even answer it themselves in the negative. However, the question itself should be examined, and answered fully with a view to what marriage is, and what normal human behavior is. I should be clear, that when I say “discipline” I include other forms of discipline besides spanking, the form which is the main topic of this website. Discipline is simply a correction system which will include punishment for bad behavior. Punishment may be a spanking, or it may be other kinds of correction, like grounding, giving household tasks, or standing in the corner. Is discipline in general necessary in marriage?

The first part of the answer needs to come from recognizing what marriage is. Marriage by its nature contains different roles, including the man’s authority, and his wife’s need to serve and obey him. That means, due to the nature of authority, any man in any marriage has the right to discipline his wife. He has the right to give authoritative commands, and also discipline his wife for bad behavior. That’s simply because he is the head of the home. So to start with, that means that any marriage is one in which the man may use discipline, and if his wife misbehaves, has a duty to use discipline. Her behavior is ultimately his responsibility, so her correction and her correction is not only his right but his responsibility. A man who does not correct his wife is not doing his job.

Does this mean that every marriage needs discipline? What about all of the virtuous women out there who behave excellently. Aren’t their bottoms safe from the strap? It should be noted that there are wives who are generally virtuous. This goes without saying. However, nearly anyone who is mostly virtuous also has failings. People who are virtuous make serious mistakes sometimes, and at times they also choose with forethought to commit sins. Wives who are generally virtuous at times get argumentative with their husbands or decide to put off important work they must do. Wives who are generally virtuous can slip into disregarding their husband’s expectations because it seems easy to do. Wives who are respectful daily can politely and gently choose to disobey. As the husband of a virtuous wife, I can personally tell you that for certain. It happens. Good women have failings that have to be addressed. My wife, who is a good wife, occasionally thinks she can dismiss my words as long as she is being sweet, but once she has to strip and go over my knee to be spanked, has to reconsider and change that way of thinking. She gets back to doing what she is told. That means that the existence of wives who are mostly very solid in their behavior does not rule out discipline as a necessity. It simply means those wives will be easier for their husbands to manage, and that they will not need discipline as often as others. 

We might consider that in society, the existence of men and women who mostly obey the law does not mean that society needs no penal system. Indeed, despite a number of easy-to-manage residents, there exist laws and punishment on the books for all domains of existence. There are thousands and thousands of them. We also know that even people who mostly obey the law occasionally break the law, and they end up punished as a a result. It may be a felony or it may be merely a traffic violation, but either way that person will be punished, and justice will be done. We do not throw away laws or throw away punishment just because of some mostly-good citizens. We all know we still need it. We are all realistic enough to see that pretty decent people also break the law occasionally. For that reason, it should be easy to see the same with marriage. Good wives will at times get spanked, and a husband would be negligent to think otherwise. 

Does discipline get a generally virtuous woman back on the path? Yes it does. Does a spanking on her bottom teach a generally virtuous woman to show more respect in the future? Absolutely. That means you should not rule out the use of discipline because a wife manages to maintain good behavior most of the time. Discipline is there for those times the behavior is not good, and those times will certainly happen.

That is to say nothing of the marriages in which the wife is clearly lacking in some virtue. Wives often have bad habits and bad attitudes to overcome from their past. These are problems which will arise in a short time and definitely will cause conflict and other problems in the home. Even new wives, simply as a function of learning their husband’s expectations, will need more correction than usual to learn the importance of doing their job. However, those who still need to learn some virtue may have serious problems, one which could include being perennially late, being irresponsible, using vulgar language, being unsafe on the road, or spending too much money. Some wives have a bad mouth on them and love to argue. A husband will need to address these problems, and discipline offers him the way to do this. These women desperately need the molding and shaping that consistent spanking offers. While it does not act alone, working together with his regular instruction and care, punishment provides an important deterrent and motivation. No man should be powerless in dealing with his wife’s bad behavior. Badly behaved women are not extremely rare, and a husband will need a discipline system to help manage a poorly behaved wife. 

If that is the case, is spanking a wife necessary for punishment? Can’t other kinds of correction be used? While one could not prove that spanking always has to be used to correct bad behavior, I believe it is the most effective and the most practical form of discipline, so I encourage husbands to use it. As I’ve written about in several articles, spanking accomplishes things which other corrections don’t, in that it quickly instills a sense of submission in a woman, it brings her to peace, it acts well as a deterrent because it is humbling and painful, and it also creates a strong bond between husband and wife. A wife who has been spanked finds it easier to follow her husband afterward, while a wife who has simply had a privilege or two taken away does not find such easy obedience in the future. Spanking is intimate, it is humbling, it motivates a woman to cry out and to express sorrow for her wrong. There is relief and cleansing once it’s over. A spanked wife knows she belongs to her man, feeling it deeply inside. If you prefer other methods of punishment, I won’t say they’ll never work; I’ll just warn you that they are weaker, and do not reach a woman’s soul deeply.

Spanking is also convenient, since a man can give a spanking session in a few minutes to half an hour. Usually other forms of correction take longer. Grounding can be impractical for numerous reasons, especially in that a wife might have important responsibilities that require leaving the home. Removing privileges is a punishment that can stretch for days or longer, and some of those privileges may actually be important for her to use. Writing assignments can also be a lengthy task and can be mind numbing. Such disadvantages are discouraging, which is why I and many other husbands prefer to use spanking, which is over and done with very soon. 

As we have seen, discipline is a function of a man’s authority, and any husband has a right to use it in marriage. Discipline will not only be needed for wives lacking in virtue, but will also be needed at times for those who mostly have good character. It provides the benefits which any discipline does, which is to punish a wrong, humble the offender, and deter future wrongs. Spanking uniquely is effective, because of its intimate and powerful nature, which affect a woman more deeply, and it does not require as much time as other forms of correction. If you happen to know the perfect woman who never needs to be spanked, that’s very good for you. I’ve never met her. At the minimum we can say that every man has a right to use discipline, and that the vast majority of women will need correction at various times in marriage. Spanking happens to be the best way. 


Comments

33 responses to “Does Every Marriage Require Discipline?”

  1. Fernanda Avatar

    This post is very interesting.
    I’ll share my story.

    I moved out of my parents’ house at 18, and then a phase free from control began, and spankings were no longer consequences. This was a crazy phase in my life.
    When I met my boyfriend at 22, he gave me some advice that helps me, but my life is still a mess.

    For three years it was just advice, then my boyfriend included spanking as part of his strategy to put me on the right path.

    Constant irresponsibility at work, drunk driving, traffic tickets, lateness for various appointments, excessive alcohol consumption,complete mess at home….

    In 2024 I was spanked 4 times. In 2025 it was 10 times. So far I am free from spanking this year.

    It was disturbing during the first few spanks. But looking back, I’m sure my boyfriend did what needed to be done.

    My boyfriend says he doesn’t want me to be submissive to him, but he won’t hesitate to spank me if necessary.

    1. Thank you for detailing your story with being spanked. A lot of young people harm their character when they gain independence, and do things which they know are wrong, and which form bad habits into the future. Consistent spanking is an excellent way to reestablish better attitudes and behavior, although it does not act on its own. We would see far fewer young women out of control if they were held accountable and spanked.

      I hope you see further improvement with your behavior. Spankings should become rarer with time. If you are being intimate at this stage, you should get married with your boyfriend as soon as you can. Then he will have the real authority to discipline you and it will also be much more secure for you both.

      1. Fernanda Avatar

        We’re getting married soon.

        I hope it was just a phase that’s over.

        However, I chatted with two other women who said I’m not being realistic and that the hardest part is the first few years of marriage.

        1. That’s good that you will be married soon. It’s common that the earliest period of marriage is the most difficult with discipline, but that’s not always the case. If you got a head start on learning to follow your husband, it may be more easily uphill for you from now on. I hope your marriage is greatly blessed.

  2. Breezyholmes89 Avatar
    Breezyholmes89

    My husband spanks me and uses other forms of discipline. I recently was strapped and hand spanked and man they hurt! He also uses other forms of correction depending on the situation. I also lose privileges, get corner time, lines and other things. I am getting the paddle tomorrow for my attitude and probably soap to the mouth or more lines for my unladylike speech. Luckily he allows me to pick a stuffed animal to help me get through the punishment. I had to stand and face the wall and do the T for what felt like forever. I’ve also had to kneel on rice. It all just depends on the offense for me and which punishment I will be corrected with.

  3. Sophia Avatar

    This is such an interesting question, Aron! My own husband might have told you no, if you had been there to ask him on our wedding day. But not long after, he discovered the sheer necessity of discipline as he sought to fulfill his responsibilities as my husband. Once he stopped expecting me to change of my own accord and began to accept that my behavior was his responsibility, the rest fell into place.

    My husband never would have married me had he not found me to be virtuous, kind, and modest, anxious to serve God and my future husband. But since our wedding, I have slipped many times and given him countless reasons to spank me. (I slipped before, of course, but I wasn’t yet his.) There were times when I felt very alone in this, shamefully and uniquely sinful, incapable of being the obedient wife I wanted to be without what felt like constant correction. Now I have accepted that this is common among women, even wonderfully submissive women such as your wife. So I agree with you that a perfect woman who never needs to be spanked doesn’t actually exist.

    And a woman who isn’t made better through spanking doesn’t exist either. The many spankings my loving husband has given me over the course of our marriage have helped me to release bad habits, soften my tongue, dampen my pride, and (most helpful for me) regulate my emotions. I am less anxious and impatient than I used to be, much slower to anger, and that’s helped me to be not just a better wife, but a better mother to our children.

    As you said, it is a man’s right to discipline the wife God gave him in any manner he chooses, and the man I wed certainly has the freedom to exercise non-spanking methods if he ever discovered that they pleased him more. But I am very thankful that spanking is my husband’s first and only weapon of choice. As painful as they are, and as much as I fear them, I do know how much I need them. I am a better woman during all of the other moments of our marriage precisely because of the rarer, much more difficult moments I spend over my man’s knee. I am forged by fire. Like your reader Lisa, I have truly thrived in a spanking marriage, and so it’s hard for me to imagine any other way. It’s an intimate ritual that powerfully reinforces my husband’s authority over me and binds me to his side.

    I know that some of your young women readers are curious, yet unsure as to whether they want this type of marriage, and so I feel compelled to come back here to speak again and again about the benefits of marital discipline. I’m so sorry, Aron, for repeating myself and being so tedious, but I truly believe every woman would be better off – happier, calmer, more pleasing to the Lord – when properly disciplined by a strong husband. And I also believe that every woman wants to be disciplined, deep down in her heart, whether she admits or not. She just needs to find that rare man who is strong enough to give it to her.

    1. Sophie, Thank you for offering your advice, which I am sure is valuable to other women. Spanking is immensely helpful for women, and it would be difficult to find a woman who wouldn’t benefit. Even a gentle and meek wife can fall prey to pride, irresponsibility, and other vice. The supervision of her man and a speedy correction keeps her on the path, with spanking reaching her soul much more than a mere talk. I am very happy your marriage has been so rewarded through discipline. It is nothing less than a blessing.

  4. gentleperspective Avatar
    gentleperspective

    If anyone is reading this and wondering about domestic discipline, it may help to know that Christian marriage is not described in Scripture as a place where one spouse physically disciplines the other. I haven’t found any passage that gives husbands the role of punishing their wives.Ephesians 5 is often quoted, but the wider passage (Eph. 5:21–25) emphasizes mutual care, gentleness, and Christlike love. Christ leads through sacrifice and patience, not physical correction. Ephesians 5:28 also says husbands should love their wives as their own bodies — which makes corporal punishment difficult to reconcile with the text.If something here feels heavy or confusing, it’s okay to seek other Christian perspectives. You deserve dignity, safety, and compassion in your relationship. ♡

    1. This is not a place for a long debate, and I have answered similar objections before in the comments, but I will give you a basic reply to your objections here.

      First, here are two articles I have answering objections from Christians, and also explaining the nature biblical headship:

      https://www.spankingyourwife.com/2020/07/18/jesus-sat-spanking-is-bad-mkay-part-2-of-2/

      https://www.spankingyourwife.com/2024/08/09/biblical-headship-is-real-leadership/

      Headship is authority, which by its nature includes the right to discipline those under authority. It does not have to be explained. To remove discipline from headship is to remove in practice that authority. That is why most contemporary husbands feel helpless if their wives misbehave or disobey, because the contemporary church and society has robbed them of their headship. The Christian may deny that, but if you rob the right to use discipline, you rob the headship. It is a denial of real authority.

      No one needs an explicit teaching in Scripture for every practice we do. No one. You will not find an explicit teaching allowing parents to give children a time out, or even to give them a bedtime. You will not find many of our ordained authorities in Scripture, such as supervisors. You will not see a teacher given permission to give discipline to a student either, but many of us accept that he may. Are all of these things dangerously outside of Scripture? No, of course not. They are all within the bounds which it allows, and it is our choice if we want to use them.

      Just as we do thousands of times with other practices in life, we use biblical principles, and then make the local application ourselves, since the details are not always given in Scripture. We do this when we use discipline in marriage too, and that is a normal way to think and use Scripture. God gave man the authority, and his wife is taught to obey him. So one way to apply that is through discipline, and this is common to authorities in general. Spanking is one useful form of discipline, but not the only one.

      It is a fallacy to claim that teachings about love mean that one would neither spank nor use other forms of discipline. That is because the Bible itself teaches to love, and ALSO teaches to give discipline. Parents love, yet they discipline their children. Magistrates love, yet they can punish the evildoer. Employers love, yet they can demote or fire you. Moreover, our ultimate example, Jesus Christ, is pure love, and there is no darkness in Him. Yet the Bible teaches He will chastise His own bride. If we follow Jesus’ example then, a man will discipline His wife. It’s what Christ does.

      The husband loves, he sacrifices, he understands, he is patient, but NONE of that change the fact that he also establishes the rules of the home and disciplines his wife. Moreover, Christ does much more than die. Christ tells us with authority what we need to do. Christ rebukes sin. Christ tells us what the final goal is. Christ chastises us. So this claim that “Christ leads by sacrifice,” is really an insufficient answer at best. Christ leads by leading, which means He tells His people what they must do, and He also sacrifices for them, which a husband does for his wife as well. It all fits together in harmony, and it only seems like a problem if you narrowly focus on one facet, and ignore all the rest.

      To claim that to love His wife “like his own flesh” means a man may not spank his wife is downright silly. The fact he loves his wife as his flesh does not mean he does the exact same things with her as with his own body. Does he wipe her bottom also? Does he try on all her clothes? The phrase simply means they are united as one, and he cares for her as he would care for his own body. That’s what it means. In fact, the Church is called the “body of Christ,” yet Christ promises to chastise the Church. Hmm. So clearly there is no problem in punishing one who is likened to your own body.

      However, a man DOES accept the same thing in a sense, since any just man recognizes that the rightful authority could punish him for doing evil. He accepts discipline himself from those who are above him, and from God. He may even accept physical punishment, and for many years physical punishment was a part of state justice. So any just man is consistent by his own willingness to be punished for evil should he do it, even bodily. Likewise, any just woman should know that if she misbehaved, she should accept punishment. She earned it. A godly woman would realize her wrong and seek to learn from the correction a punishment offers.

      A spanking, by comparison to many other consequences of bad behavior, and compared to many other punishments, is quite humane. Be grateful it’s just a spanking, which does not last very long. What is much worse than a few minutes of spanking is the chaos and harm which comes from a wife behaving badly, whether through bad habits, dangerous behavior, disobedience, or worldliness. Worse still is family breakdown because of chaos in the home: argument, coldness, physical fighting, resentment, sitting on a counselor’s couch, getting a divorce, robbing a man of his money, shafting the kids, etc. All those things are truly awful, but a spanking is light and for a moment. The fruit it bears is good, and lasts long.

      I cannot recommend spanking more strongly for marriage, because it does such a good job of putting bad behavior in the past, and helping a woman grow in submission. It leads her on the path of virtue. That’s why I spend much time writing about these things, because I know that it is good. Right use of authority and discipline make for a very low conflict marriage, closeness and trust, and a good model of Christ and the Church, through mutual love, alongside authority and obedience. Discipline is not in conflict with love, but is an application of love, and the husband is right to use it.

      1. Sophia Avatar

        Aron, my husband and I very much enjoyed your well-written response to criticism and your encouragement to honor the spirit of the Scripture and the whole of Christ’s teachings, which were never intended to cover every detail of our daily lives. Through marital headship, God grants a man the freedom to use his discretion in governing his wife. A husband’s decision to punish his wife’s misdeeds is just, and she should seek to learn from it and grow under his care.

        1. Hello Sophie, I’m very glad that you both recognize that. The man’s right to discipline his wife lies within the headship given to him by God. The same people who complain that there is no specific instruction to discipline wives themselves do a thousand things in their lives which are not in the Bible. Discipline is a normal part of headship by definition. Bless you.

    2. Kruggerand Avatar
      Kruggerand

      “Ephesians 5:28 also says husbands should love their wives as their own bodies — which makes corporal punishment difficult to reconcile with the text.”

      Please note that self-flagellation has been practiced, pretty much, throughout all of Christianity, including by many very holy men and women.

      1. This is true, although there does not need to be an exact 1-to-1 comparison with what a man and wife do with their bodies, because the passage does not teach that. He is to love his wife as his own, not necessarily do exactly the same things. However, it reflects a fair heart and integrity that the man accepts suffering in his life when necessary, including the suffering of physical pain, which indeed many men undergo. That will be a part of life until the final kingdom.

    3. Theophilus Avatar
      Theophilus

      Gentleperspective, your writing shows you have a concern for married couples, and that is a good thing. Why do you think that the Bible does not describe discipline in marriage? Have you read no instances of God disciplining his “wife” Israel? Does Jesus not discipline his bride the Church? If husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies, does the Apostle Paul speak nowhere of “buffeting” his own body and keeping it under subjection?
      .
      What does “mutual care, gentleness, and Christlike love” look like? Remember that Christ modeled both submission and headship. He was perfectly submitted to his Head (the Father). As such, a wife can take him as her example when submitting to correction. Jesus submitted to correction from the Father when he died for us. He said, “If it be possible, let this cup pass from me, nevertheless not my will but thine be done.” He was sinless and did this for our sakes. How much more can a wife model Christ’s submission when she is justly corrected for her own faults? Have you not read 1 Peter 2:20 where the Apostle Peter assumes we will take such physical chastening patiently?
      .
      On the headship side, read how Jesus speaks to his bride the Church in Revelation chapters two and three. Does it sound like only sacrifice or patience that he shows? Is chastening absent?
      Most certainly there are consequences for the Church when she does not obey!
      .
      You said we deserve dignity, safety, and compassion. Let’s look at that.
      .
      DIGNITY – Spanking is done in response to disobedience. Do you think dignity is the right emotion to feel when you do something wrong? What do you make of Christ’s admonition in Revelation 3:18 to buy clothing (the righteous deeds of the saints) so that “the shame of your nakedness do not appear”? What does Jeremiah 6:15 say about us when we do not know how to blush when we do wrong?
      .
      SAFETY – Ask yourself, is it safe to allow wrongdoing? Was it safe for Adam to allow Eve to eat the fruit in the Garden? The obvious answer is no, so we will move on to correction. Is a spanking safe? The spanking advocated by the administrator of this site is both safe and good. Biblical chastening is done for building someone up, not tearing them down (2 Corinthians 13:10). All chastening is painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:11). If it is unsafe, it is not recommended.
      .
      COMPASSION – Compassion and correction are not at odds. They work together. Compassion comes first. The correction comes later when it becomes apparent that an issue needs to be dealt with. At that point compassion drives correction for the sake of the recipient’s future.
      .
      Gentleperspective, your post sounds good on the surface, and I do not doubt you have a good heart, but you are trying to argue with the Bible.

      1. Very well said. Thank you.

    4. annabee Avatar
      annabee

      Gentleperspective, I would like to support your post and perspective; I, too, understand the Bible in this way. In the Christian community I’m part of—which, by the way, is thousands of miles away from most of you who enjoy this site—the mindset reflected here is unimaginable and unacceptable. Of course, secular BDSM is practiced here as well, but for believers, this way of thinking is worlds apart.
      I’ll share an example from my beautiful relationship with my beloved husband, even though our marriage is exceptional even in these parts:
      Whenever I have earnestly and repeatedly tried to persuade my husband that I would very much like to please him with a sexual practice described on these sites as a thank-you for a spanking, my husband has always replied that he doesn’t need to boost his ego. And although I have a strong desire to submit to him and serve him as best I can, I understand him. He wants equality. And equality does not always equate to feminism, which is repugnant to both of us and which we consider far removed from God’s intentions.
      Jesus’ and God’s power is even stronger and more profound than physical strength; we see this in the crucifixion and in various other situations. And Jesus used this spiritual power. He could have told the sinful woman in John 8 that she needed a good spanking for the situation she had gotten herself into. But he acted completely differently—see the beginning of the chapter.

      1. It sounds like you knew that you wanted stronger leadership, which is natural, but your husband wanted to go the softie way commonly presented in the churches. That is very sad, and the churches deceive many people about marriage, both in this way and in others, but if you desire strong leadership and correction, that desire is good and natural. Yet of course, you need to respect your husband’s decision.

        The idea that husbands cannot punish wives because Jesus did not punish the sinners he ran into all the time, is an absurd way to interpret the Bible. I mean, this is just not how we read the Bible or any other book. Can we say that being corrupt and murderous leaders should not be punished, because Jesus in His earthly ministry did not punish them? Can we say a wide variety of sins cannot be punished, because Jesus in His earthly ministry did not punish the many kinds of sinners He ran into. Of course not. The purpose of Jesus’ ministry was NOT to condemn and do judgement. It was to preach the Gospel, give His life on the cross for our sins, and rise again as the ruler over all things.

        Just use the logic you present and apply it to other earthly authorities besides husbands. Because Jesus did not punish some sinner, a Christian magistrate cannot write laws or punish criminals. Sound good to you? Because Jesus did not punish this or that sinner, a Christian parent cannot punish his children. Would that work? We just don’t take a passing example of human experience, hammer it flat, and turn it into a doctrine. Yet this is what the line of reasoning you present does.

        Christ definitely DOES punish sinners, as we can see throughout the Bible. Old Testament passages speaking of the reign of Messiah show him as king, and dishing out punishment to the disobedient (Psalm 2 for example). Jesus himself promises punishment to His own servants in Luke 12:47-48. He further promises punishment of all sinners in Luke 13:1-5. The Holy Spirit, speaking through the apostle, promises chastisement to God’s children in Hebrews 12:3-11, and equates it to the loving punishment of a father. Jesus promises chastening of His children in Revelation 3:19, and most of the churches in Revelation 2-3 are promised punishment. That is to say nothing of the many warnings of punishment, both earthly and in the next world, given by Jesus during His ministry, or through the Holy Spirit elsewhere in the New Testament. He promises eternal judgment on all who do not believe and who continue in sin as well.

        So if we use Jesus as an example, and look at the NT teachings broadly, Jesus clearly scourges His own Bride, and He punishes the unbelieving eternally. The fact He did not dish out justice while walking in Israel in the first century AD only means that it was not His mission to do so. This is pretty simple stuff, and it is a very poor argument that leaders may not use punishment because Jesus only taught during His earthly ministry. Come on. You can do better than that. “Equality” is far afield of Christian marriage, because according to Scripture the husband is the head of his wife, and the wife obeys him. They are not equal, except in their human natures.

        If your husband would be willing to reconsider, I’d be happy to speak with him about it. You can also write to my e-mail, as I do not want long debates here. Christian leaders are not soft, but rather they lay down just laws, they encourage the good, and they punish evil. Christians are not to be spineless just because Jesus didn’t come to earth in order to judge. If they love Jesus, they will do as He does, as God does, and punish evil.

        Please read through the two linked articles in my prior comment, as they answer most objections you will hear, and explain headship from Scripture.

        Take care.

      2. Kruggerand Avatar
        Kruggerand

        Equality is a funny word. Do I consider a police officer, an elected official, my boss inherently ‘better’ than me because of their position? Not at all. The boat is sinking, who gets on the life rafts? It is fitting and proper for men to defer to women and children. One can make a strong case that as the revered treasure of a society, women and children rank higher than men. That doesn’t mean that children should be in charge of the school or that the husband should not be head of the household. Men are the interchangeable pieces that get sent off to die in war and exhaust their bodies in labor to provide for their families. Equality in society … I would say women rank higher than men because they should be protected and treasured. A man should always give his seat on a bus to a pregnant woman who would otherwise have to stand. Rank in family authority, men rank higher… with the inherent obligation to lead, defend, and provide for the exhalted treasure…. the wife and children. Thus, as Aron has addressed many times, one cannot have authority without the liberty to enforce. ‘Equality’ would not benefit women in the full picture. And when fully considered, where implemented, it has made many things worse.

        1. Those are fair points. In this context I am speaking of superiority of position, which the man has, since he is the head, and his woman is subordinate to him. It also reflects superiority in the skills God gave him to do that role, including his strength of body and of mind. He is designed to be the head, provider, protector, and priest of the home. However, naturally, there are ways in which we treat the woman specially. We go out of our way to protect her, we give her the praise and encouragement she generally needs more than the man does, we see her beauty and her modesty, which in part express her nature. We are not as harsh with her as with men, for multiple reasons. The only true equality is that both man and wife are made in the image of God. In other respects there are stark differences, both in their character, and the roles they have. In marriage, man is in charge, so he is superior by rank.

          1. Sophia Avatar

            This is well said, Aron and Kruggerand! The focus of this site is rightly centered on the inherent authority of men, their superior position in marriage, and their holy responsibility to train and discipline their wives. While this is a very necessary and blessed mission to recruit more men as leaders in both society and marriage, Aron’s readers should not assume that the women in these marriages are “less than.” Yes, I obey my husband and seek to please him always, and yes, he spanks me soundly when my punishment is warranted. But he also protects me, provides for me, and cherishes me above all others. He respects me as his wife and the mother of his children and gives special consideration to my physical comfort when I am pregnant. He would risk his life to keep me safe. He is attentive to my needs and generously offers me the gentle encouragement and emotional reassurance that all women need to feel loved. For this and so many other things, I kneel before him and offer him my praise and gratitude. I am beneath him in rank, but I am exalted by his love.

      3. PatriotInPearls Avatar
        PatriotInPearls

        Here is the shortest and most concise rebuttal I could give against your conclusions,annabee…

        Revelation 3:19

        19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.

        Ephesians 5:25-27

        25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

        26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

        27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

        So, those Christ LOVES, He chastens.
        Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church.

        Biblical chastening is:
        Rooted in Love: God’s discipline is a sign of His fatherly affection. “For whom the Lord loves He chastens” (Hebrews 12:6).
        Unlike Punishment: Biblical chastisement is not about wrath or condemnation; it is corrective. It is meant to shape character and produce spiritual growth, not to destroy.
        Not Always Pleasant: While it is ultimately for your benefit, the Bible acknowledges that discipline is difficult and painful in the moment.

        I believe the discipline outlined on this page is Biblically sound.

        1. Thank you. That’s a very good answer from Scripture and common sense.

  5. inthedust Avatar
    inthedust

    I had such hopes that this would help sanctify me, it’s been a year and not much has changed besides our sex life. I still struggle with temperance when it comes to shopping and some ways I think my sin has grown. The inconsistency of discipline makes me take sins more lightly and thinking my husband was watching over me, I stopped watching over my own life as closely. I’m discouraged, and concerned that I idolized my husband.

    1. Hello Inthedust, That is certainly possible. You are not meant to idolize your husband, but to love, fear and obey him. Consistency does need to be there with discipline, or it will lose much of its effectiveness. It is also important to have helpful rules, along with good verbal instruction and encouragement. A husband needs to be active in overseeing his wife.

      However, discipline is not meant on its own to sanctify you, but it works together with other things, including your prayer life, your commitment to following the Lord, and a meek attitude. Your husband is just the Lord’s instrument to look over and guide you, and much of what the Lord provides he provides through your husband.

      A good first step in being sanctified is being humble, and you might say, in the dust.

      1. PatriotInPearls Avatar
        PatriotInPearls

        Hi inthedust,
        I write to you not as someone who has all the answers, but just to remind you there is Someone Who does.

        I just want to gently remind you of something beautiful:
        POSITIONALLY, Christ has already sanctified you. Hebrews 10:10 says, “By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.” That work is finished. You’re not trying to earn sanctification through discipline or perfect behavior. You’re already set apart and accepted in Him.

        What we’re walking in now is PROGRESSIVE sanctification. That’s the daily process of being made more like Christ. That’s where verses like these come in:
        2 Corinthians 6:17 – “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.”
        Romans 12:2 – “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind…”

        John 17:17 – “Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” (I really think THIS is the answer and it’s also something I struggle with. We NEED to be in God’s Word every day.)

        It’s the Holy Spirit working in us day by day, renewing our minds and teaching us to walk in obedience.

        Also, while we have a NEW nature after we are saved, we still have an old and sinful nature that unfortunately we have to fight against.
        Galatians 5:17 says, “For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.”
        We won’t be sinlessly perfect until glory.
        And one day, ULTIMATE SANCTIFICATION will happen in an instant when we see Him:
        1 John 3:2 – “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.”

        Domestic discipline can be a helpful tool for marriages, but it’s not the main thing that sanctifies us. Christ already did the biggest work, and the Holy Spirit is doing the daily work through His Word and our obedience.
        Just wanted to share that with you as a sister in Christ. You’re not alone in wanting to grow. Keep seeking Him first.
        Praying for you!

      2. inthedust Avatar
        inthedust

        Thank you for replying, I will listen to all you have said and put all I can into practice.

        Yes, my username is from Job 😊

        I desire so much to be free from these weak areas where I keep stumbling into sin. This website felt like an answer to prayer so I placed a lot of hopes on what discipline would achieve. The first few months, were amazing! I was focused, felt humbled,very peaceful, joyful and was seeing changes- doing a lot better in maintaining our home, looking after my children and pleasing my husband. I even felt very cared for and loved seeing how God had lead me into this.

        Maybe at some point my hopes had shifted too much? I started placing faith in the wrong thing 😖😣

        1. Hello Inthedust, I am glad to hear that you will put it into practice. Very happy you have found this website and are seeking to learn from it. The lesson of Job is just as meaningful today as it was when it was written. So many Christians today want a philosophical answer to such questions of suffering, but Job cuts through all of that and provides us a better answer.

          I would definitely encourage you to practice perseverance. Few people find that old habits go away so quickly, even though some positive changes can happen quickly. It takes repeated repentance, and usually you need to learn from discipline repeatedly to reach the goal. That is normal. It should also bring peace and joy in the home, as discipline has such a way of putting guilt, or bitterness into the past entirely, and also instilling deeper respect for the head of the home. I would also warn against having too high standards, as standards of perfection can ultimately lead to frustration. I’m sure your husband is also very pleased with the growth he has seen in you.

          Our ultimate faith needs to be in God. Placing too much trust in the methods, or in his vessels, can get us off track. Always be seeking to follow Christ and please God first. Even obedience to husband is an act of obedience to God. I appreciate your willing spirit.

          1. inthedust Avatar
            inthedust

            Thank you Aron, I have been thinking about what you said in your second reply too, it was so encouraging and really blessed me. You are right, my husband is happy with the changes or growth he sees in me.
            Have you read the Westminster Longer Catechism questions about the 5th commandment- they have been so helpful to me and my husband. 😊

          2. That’s wonderful, Inthedust. I have not read that portion of the Catechism, but it is good that our faith informs all that we do. Certainly you do not grow as a woman apart from the knowledge of God and your trust in Him. I am glad that your husband is pleased with you.

  6. PatriotInPearls Avatar
    PatriotInPearls

    Proverbs 25: 11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

    Have you ever heard or read something that just played on repeat in your head?
    After quietly reading through post after post for over a year and a half, this is the statement that got stuck in mine:

    If you happen to know the perfect woman who never needs to be spanked, that’s very good for you. I’ve never met her.

    Without going into unnecessary detail, my upbringing was fairly harsh and that coupled with my naturally sensitive nature, left me being a very timid people pleaser. I worked very hard at staying within the lines, being the teacher’s pet, giving up everything I had for the sake of others.

    Where one person might be able to take a severe punishment and think, “oh well, that’s over, let’s move on” I could be utterly destroyed over a slight verbal correction.

    I’ve recently become aware that over time though, a sense of pride and a “this is for OTHER women, surely not ME” thought entered my heart.

    That is why I started this post with that verse. Aron’s words were fitly spoken here. They are what sent a necessary jolt to my thought processes to see the pride and arrogance.

    The next verse says:

    12 As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear.

    The Wise Reprover: Offers correction with tact, kindness, and discretion, rather than harsh judgment or anger.
    The Obedient Ear: A listener who is humble, respects the truth, and is willing to apply the advice to grow.

    True growth requires both a skilled guide and a teachable heart.

    God used the words here to remind me of something I knew, but apparently forgot along the way. I am not a perfect and flawless person and there is always room to grow more like Christ.

    I appreciate the articles here and the time and dedication it takes to keep up this site. God has used it in my life.

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience. Very often childhood experiences sets the stage for the work we will need to do later, whether giving us a poor disposition, or instilling bad reactions or bad habits. For some it is subtle, and for others very obvious. Even quiet, inner attitudes can set the stage for wrongs. It’s good to be able to recognize our own flaws, and acknowledge that we need refinement. That is where progress begins.

      I am very glad that articles are helpful to you, I believe having a god marriage is very important, and discipline can play a crucial role. I want to provide a clear a view of marriage as possible.

  7. Natalie Avatar
    Natalie

    When we were dating, my husband told me he would like a domestic disciple Marriage, and I consented. I promised to obey him in everything.
    He spanks me with his belt when I am disrespectful. Spanking has enhanced our marriage, it clearly defines our roles. He is my leader.
    Sometimes it really hurts and I find it difficult to sit down afterwards. But I am very submissive to him. I think every husband should discipline his wife.

    1. I am happy that spanking has worked so well for your marriage, Natalie. It does establish leadership and submission very well. Considering how many marriages need clearer roles, and better functioning, spanking definitely needs to be in many more marriages. The pain of the spanking is short lived, but it instills a powerful lesson.

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