An Obedience App

A reader recently mentioned to me that he uses an app to manage discipline with his wife. The app helps remind her of her responsibilities, and it also tells what the punishment is for each infraction. He has had a positive experience with the app, and thinks it could help couples with their marriage system. I don’t doubt it would work for some couples, although I don’t know if I’d want to do use it myself. The app he uses is one called Obedience, but I imagine there are other similar ones you could research. Before I go over a few possible pluses and negatives of using such a computerized method to manage your wife, let be give a brief overview.

According to the G–gle Play description, this is “a kinky habit tracker for couples in a BDSM dynamic.” As many of you know, most in domestic discipline don’t feel obliged to define ourselves as BDSM, due to differences of practices and beliefs. However, in the broadest possible meaning of the term, which includes all kinds of authority and discipline in relationships, including marriage, most would view wife spanking as under that 4-letter umbrella. Also note that G–gle defines it as “kink,” which most of us do not. Kink suggests something with unique sexual goals, or a practice which is otherwise a fetish. This is not true of discipline in marriage, since marriage is meant for almost all people, and its authority structure is universal. Discipline in marriage is normal discipline as in any authority structure, and its goals are to correct and improve the wife. It is not a special sex game, even if it may contain sexualized elements. Marriage itself is nearly as old as humanity, its creation described in Genesis 2 of the Bible, and it comes with characteristics which are not based on our personal preferences.

With that out of the way, the description at G–gle further describes the product this way: “Obedience will help you and your partner(s) track daily and weekly habits, and puts the dominant in charge of rewards and punishments. Couples can connect their phones, which enables one to update their habit status and spend their rewarded coins, and the other to see these in real time updates and set up a reward and punishment system.”

We should note that this app includes rewards, and not just punishments, which are usually what one thinks of in terms of wife spanking, or the BDSM scene. The first image that comes to mind is a method of punishment. However, rewards motivate, and punishments deter. Both of these are put into an orderly system, which can be changed as needed. 

A few of the reviews mentioned bugs in the app, but several of those who complained also mentioned that the bugs had been fixed. The large majority of the reviews were mostly or completely positive. To quote a few of them, Sky writes, “Taking the tedious effort out of Topping, while holding the bottom accountable everyday.” Naturally this would be appealing to husband and wife if it really makes their roles easier to perform. Chad Carew describes his experience, saying, “Setting up and figuring out how rewards, habits, etc interact with punishments took a day of messing around with it. Created categories to clean up the interface. Really helps keep my sub on track and see goals and rewards to reach and also keep discipline consistent.” A day to figure out an app which will serve you for years is not too long to spend, as long as it functions well once you have it up. Consistency is a must in leading a discipline system, which the app apparently helps with. The user Kai also praises how simple it is to use Obedience, writing, “Setting tasks, rewards, and punishments is very easy.” Cailey Roo, on the receiving end of such motivation, writes, “This app is an awesome habit tracker, even for relationships that are light on d/s. I’ve tried absolutely everything to keep me on track, but nothing worked until my doctor suggested using a reward system, and well, chocolate’s apparently the world’s best motivator. I really like how I can use my ‘good’ points for something tangible, but also save them up if I don’t feel like cashing in immediately!”

The overall rating of Obedience at that store is 4.7 stars. That’s very good.

How could an app or similar computerized method improve the discipline system? The first thing that stands out to me is the ability to have reminders. The app will know your responsibilities and remind you to do them. It is true there are other reminder methods for wives who think they may forget a responsibility, but this comes as part of the discipline system, so it is convenient in that aspect. The app can also make sure that the rules are clear, and the punishments are clear. If a husband is not very good with communication, he may leave his wife uncertain about these things, and she may not know that she needs to do, or what is worthy of punishment. This can be confusing for her, and at worst can make discipline lose its positive effects. With the app, these things are clear-cut responsibilities and consequences, whether reward or punishment. It may also remind some husbands that rewards can be a useful motivator. They certainly should not be the only thing that motivates a wife, but there is nothing wrong with receiving rewards for good work, and once one is receiving them, one tends to shoot for more. That can improve behavior. All of this can help a wife in being responsible and obedient, as the name of the app suggests. It can help husbands lead their wives, through the clear communication and rules it offers, and the reminders that it gives her. 

Apart from its uses in marriage, it is clear that an app may be helpful for women who desire more discipline in their life, but do not have a husband to provide it. There are many women in this situation. Unmarried women are wise to be wary of turning to the average man to provide such leadership and discipline, since there are dangers involved in a single woman doing this, and the intimacy of discipline makes it inappropriate for men besides her husband. She may have bad habits she wants to lose, problems with disrespect, or problems with procrastination. While not as meaningful as being led by a husband, an app may help her fulfill her goals if marriage for the time being is impossible. It can keep her following the rules, and receiving rewards or punishments for her behavior. She still needs to have the self-discipline to go through with any punishments, but the app could be a tool of motivation. 

What could be the drawbacks to using such a computerized system? One that comes to mind is that a computer may not take circumstances into account. Any wife is doing an enormous number of tasks, especially once children have come along. It is normal to put off minor tasks when you are overloaded, and there’s nothing wrong with it, as long as it is not done endlessly. An app may not take this into account. Matters of fulfilling responsibilities, at least some of the time, come down to a husband’s judgment. Was it legitimate to put something off? Was a task minor enough that it really does not warrant punishment when it is missed one time? I do not know that an app could process information that way, or make such judgments. Even the kind of punishment he gives is at times a decision the husband makes about a unique situation. He may decide to give a harsher or milder one based on varying factors. He may come up with a unique manner of punishment if he sees it is appropriate. A programmed app does not make these decisions. That’s not to say it would not be helpful to a couple, but simply to point out that it would need to be seen as a helper, and not the ultimate decider of punishment. The husband still has to be in control of the process, and let such a reminder system simply be a tool. 

Myself, I do not see a need for this kind of help in managing my wife. That’s because I find my system works. The communication I use, and the discipline I give bring good results. My wife is responsible and obedient, and takes her duties seriously. However, I do not dismiss apps as not helpful. I can see how a marriage would benefit from the app’s systematic way of doing things, and its reminders. So long as a husband knows he needs to stay flexible when necessary, and he needs to make the judgments, I don’t see much harm coming from it, and I do see some convenience. I believe the overall excellent reviews testify to that.