Strategies for Wives Struggling with Submission

Many women struggle with submission, and this is especially true in this culture which encourages women to be independent from their husbands, and makes rebellion a point of pride. There are also ordinary mental barriers, which come from common human pride, as well as from bad learned habits. The mental barriers become greater and more challenging in this feminist culture, which belittles women who submit, and honors those who are independent. However, any woman can learn to submit to her husband, and her very femininity which is a part of her nature helps make this possible. Her soft character makes this possible. Her submission is a beautiful part of who she is at heart. 

I will offer up a number of key ways a woman can learn, as well as overcome some of those barriers. Often women who thought submission was just impossible, or against her personality, find that barriers dissolve away, and they actually yearn for and find pleasure in submitting. Their original resistance fades into the background. They wonder why they were missing it all along. I know these strategies will be able to help you in reaching the same goal:

1: The company and advice of experienced, submissive wives. They can help teach her, as well as lead by example, shaping her spirit and bringing out her rich, womanly character. These are women who have done it for years, some of whom overcame their own resistance to it over time. Their kind and calm counsel will help any wife find the path. They can also point out problem spots easily, and give her advice on gaining a gentle attitude. They can share times in which they had to over come pride, and in which they accepted their husband’s correction. The simple company and encouragement of other wives show her a better picture of womanhood than she will get elsewhere, and once she is comfortable in it, she will not want to depart. 

2: She should learn more. It is important that a woman know her submission is given to her by God as her role, and she obeys God and pleases Him by submitting. She is furthermore built for it, being the softer sex, gentler, and more nurturing. God has shaped her intricately and brilliantly this way. A humble submission will be pleasing for her in the long run, even if she struggles with it initially. The most important learning she can do is to learn this is taught in the Bible. It is taught both through the plain instructional passages, as well as through examples and patterns from start to finish of the Scriptures. She can also learn by seeing that submission, and a life centered on the home, has been the woman’s role throughout history until very modern times, and that this is the case across cultures all throughout the globe. She ought to further see the value of this role, in the peace it brings to the family, and the way that it helps her husband. Any desires to abandon this seem selfish by comparison.

3: Her husband needs to be clear in his leadership. Many men are soft or nonexistent as leaders for their wives. Therefore, their wives don’t know how to follow them, and lose respect for them. A man who leads clearly, can instruct and correct his wife, will help her submit to him, just as his love and appreciation does. A husband needs to know he heads his wife in every domain, and is responsible to correct her if she is going off the path, just as he is responsible to lead her to grow in virtue. A woman may know this fact, yet her husband does not. In this case she may want to sit down and gently talk to her husband, and ask him to take on his leadership role more clearly. Let him know it fulfills her needs in learning to follow him, and also how it would help solve problems. Many men need to hear that from as many people as possible.

4: A husband’s discipline will help a wife submit to him. If she veers into being disrespectful, or disobedient to him, and will not listen to his words, punishing her can be an excellent way to steer her back onto the path. It helps humble her, an essential ingredient in being submissive, and it cleanses her of bad attitudes and disrespect. I find a good bare bottomed spanking works wonders on a wife, but there are other legitimate useful forms of discipline as well. A wife who has been humbled with a spanking often finds it easier to submit to her husband, and feels more at peace inside. She feels softer than she did before. A spanking can cleanse her of a foul attitude, and do so faster than other methods of correction. 

5: Take a time out. Often a wife’s difficulties with submission come down mostly to anger or worry. Either one of these can overflow into disrespect towards her husband, or refusal to do as he says. They also cause strain in other ways, just by filling her with bad thoughts. Rather than react to these negative feelings, a woman should take the common sense step to have a moment of peace to deal with them. If anger or stress are arising, she can spend time in silence, and if possible in private, to calm down. She can also use that time for prayer to God, who promises to give us comfort, and also to remember in her heart her love for her husband. She may train herself over time to cease reacting in the moment, or being disrespectful with her mouth once she learns to have calm inside this way.

6: Treat disrespect and rebellion as a sin, and confess them. Sins should be confessed to God in private, but if they are clearly committed against one person, they should also be confessed to the person. Confessing sin brings forgiveness, which is good for our soul. It also can clear the air with the person we sinned against, so that the relationship may return to normal. If a wife fails in submitting, even if it happens over and over again, she should confess her sins to her husband and ask forgiveness. She should commit herself in front of him to doing better, and offer some practical ideas of how she will treat him better in the future.

7: Do not give up but practice perseverance. All of the couples I’ve spoken to who ended up failing in their roles, or failing in the use of discipline, gave up when it did not have all the desired results in the time they expected. This is going to bring failure in any endeavor. Realize it can take time to learn submission. It can take time to overcome bad behavior and wrong attitudes. Don’t expect to reach the goal without some struggles and without some failure. That is normal. Persevere towards the goal, and if you have to, write down the things you need to do which will aid in your submission. Learn the practical habits and ways of speaking which are good for a wife to have, and use them consistently. If needed, use maintenance spankings or preemptive ones to remind a wife of where her heart needs to be. It takes time for the soul to grow and to be shaped to a more humble and softer character. Struggles and tears are often a part of the growth process. Do not give up.

8: Reorder your language to show respect. Any old habits of throwing in strong language to speak to your husband, put-downs, or anything sarcastic needs to be squeezed out of your speech. Replace it with words which rightfully express a modest heart, and which express respect. If needed, let “sir” be part of your vocabulary. Keep your tone soft. Learn to ask for things, and to ask you may help your husband. Ask him what his preferences are for how you address him, and respond to him, and bring that into your speech patterns. Use your mouth to honor your husband daily, praise him, and address him as your lord. Over time your sincere respectful language will help your heart feel the way that it should towards your husband, and that will help your behavior. You will start to live how you speak.