Answering Your Questions about Me

This website is primarily for teaching, focused on headship and discipline. However, I sometimes get questions about my life and my marriage, and I am going to answer some of the common ones for you today, including a few about my wife. I am not a faceless bot, and I do things in my life besides give spankings, so I hope that sharing a few things about myself will be enjoyable to readers here. 

How Old Are you?  I am middle aged.

Where Do You Live? I live in the U.S., in the eastern part of the country. Born and grew up here. 

Are you just making up a fantasy life? No, everything I describe here reflects my real life, often in detail, although I have changed a few personal details for the sake of anonymity. If I just wanted to write fiction, I would tell people it was fiction. 

How long have you been married? I have been married over twenty years. 

Whose idea was spanking in your marriage? I am the one who brought spanking into our marriage, which I discussed with my wife before we were married, and we agreed on it. 

Does your wife like spanking? No, she does not like getting spanked. She tries to avoid it. However, it is effective for her, and once she has calmed down after a spanking, she is very peaceful and well behaved. 

Do you spank very hard? My wife would tell you yes. However, I certainly don’t use all my strength, and it is moderated depending on how much I need to use. I spank hard enough to make it a good penalty for the crime. 

What instruments do you use? These days I usually use a loopy, paddle, or belt. I will occasionally give a hand spanking for warm-up. 

What do you spank your wife most often for? These days I spank her most often for not getting her work done. 

How often do you give her a spanking? These days I only need to spank her every two to three months.

What rules do you have for your wife? Pretty much the same ones I talk about on the website, such as needing to be obedient, respectful, and get her work done. She also needs to follow a basic standard of dress, and to be punctual.

Are you a big strong guy? I am fairly average in size and strength, but I always keep in shape. 

Do you do erotic spanking? Not in any ritualized way, no. But I do believe in a few good smacks here and there in the bedroom. It is like other elements of intimacy an expression of the man’s power.

Has your wife ever refused a spanking? My wife is committed to her submission, so it’s almost unheard of that she actually refuses. She did physically resist a spanking on two occasions, and both times I simply talked to her as her husband. I spoke about her commitment to me, and about the value of discipline in our marriage. I also comforted her from any fear she may have been feeling. On both occasions she ended her resistance and went over my knee.

Do you yell at your wife? No. In our many years together, I have probably raised my voice a literal handful of times. I rarely get very upset, and I don’t yell just to get a point across. I yell if someone is far away, and I need them to hear my voice.

When I need to correct my wife, I speak to her about the matter in a calm and reasonable voice. I present the problem and what she needs to do to fix it. When I have to give my wife a spanking, I also speak calmly, but I am firm with her, and I will give her the verbal chastisement that is appropriate for her wrong. 

What made you interested in spanking? I had always seen the value in spanking simply in sex appeal. But I had not really understood matters of authority and submission. I had a girlfriend years ago who wanted to be spanked, so you could say that’s what “got me into it.” I’ve been spanking ever since. I never really grasped how leadership and correction works at the time. That was something I learned from experience, maturity, and my faith. Now I use spanking simply for discipline, within the framework of authority, though it clearly has an erotic element as well. There is no separating the two.

Do you hate women? No, I love women. They are beautiful creatures inside and out, and I deeply appreciate the unique gifts that they have. Women are extraordinarily valuable, and my wife is of immeasurable value in our marriage. I never stop being grateful for her.  

Have you been to college? Yes, I am college educated, and I went to a good high school as well. I conformed for many years to most of the secular ways in the U.S., and could drop any number of references to literature, music, and movies. I learned to use women like tools just as my peers did. Since becoming a Christian, I find the basis of all knowledge to be in Christ and the Word of God. All learning is vain apart from that. 

Why would you promote something as mean as spanking your wife? I promote wife spanking because it is good. It benefits the wife being disciplined and it benefits the home. It’s not mean, but is rather a just and loving use of authority, which effectively corrects an offender. 

Are you a real Christian? What kind of church do you belong to? I am a traditional Christian and I hold to all the main theological beliefs as other Christians, as well as to traditional beliefs regarding morality and marriage. I put a very basic faith statement on my website expressing that. I do not tell people through this ministry what my actual church is, but it is a Bible believing church.

Are you a minister? Not in any formally ordained sense, no. I have done preaching and teaching in churches I’ve belonged to though, as well as preached on the street. I also regularly minister to others personally as a Christian brother.

How is it possible to be a Christian and also spank your wife? It is possible because as a Christian I hold an authority position given by God, and as a part of that authority I am responsible for giving discipline. Discipline is normative to holding authority, and spanking as a form of punishment is itself endorsed many times over in the Bible. Therefore, I do so in good faith and conscience. There is no meaningful authority without discipline. 

If I had the money to do a billboard campaign across the country to sing the praises of marital spanking, I’d pay millions of dollars to do so. It is a gift to marriage. I’d love to see it increase exponentially, and that desire is out of the Christian love in my heart. 

Does your wife wear the Christian headcovering? My wife wears a covering during church services and during home worship. She does not wear it all the time.

What dress standards do you have for your wife? She needs to dress in a feminine way, which mean skirts and dresses. She also needs to dress modestly, so the attire needs to cover most of her body, go most of the way down the legs, and not be tight or see-through. It’s a fairly simple standard, and she doesn’t have any trouble following it.

Is your wife happy? My wife is happy, and we have a happy and peaceful marriage. Anyone who knows us well would tell you the same thing. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t troubles in life. We have been through hard financial times and been through tragedy, but both of us have love, joy, and peace. We share affection all the time, and we encourage each other. My wife knows in moments of any stress or fear she can turn to me for comfort. She is a wife, mother and homemaker, and despite the hard work, she enjoys her job and finds fulfillment in it. 

Does your wife get any say in matters at all? Of course, my wife can offer her ideas, her thoughts, her opinions, and ask thoughtful questions. I may seek her counsel in a number of different decisions I make, although I don’t have to, and she has useful advice to give. However, she understands that I am the one to decide, so she respects my decision and does not argue. That’s a natural part of being submissive. My wife also has her own work at home to take care of, and I am not involved day to day with that, so she uses her own judgment for many jobs within her own domain. That is totally acceptable as long as it stays within my rules, and within any other instructions I’ve given her.

Is your website a kink? No, it is not. It’s a serious discipline website. When most people say “kink” they refer to something specifically for erotic excitement. However, spanking in my marriage is specifically for discipline and it accomplishes that purpose. It is naturally sexually charged, as are many things between a man and a woman, but it is not sex play. 

Some people say “kink” to refer to a specialized fetish, a rare taste that only certain people prefer. It’s not that either. Discipline is a common thing, and is universally beneficial. Its purposes are correction, and not because a person prefers it or doesn’t prefer it. Far from being a rare preference, in the past it would have been much more common than today, and in other cultures it is also fairly common. Spanking ought to be the norm in marriage. 

Do You Use Bondage?: No. I believe a woman should be able to hold still during her spanking, both as a matter of self-control and respect. My wife is able to do that well. If I needed to, I would use it though. 

Do you enjoy spanking? On the level that humbling a misbehaving woman is satisfying to me, yes. On the level that handling a nude woman is satisfying to me, yes. 

On the level of whether I always want to give one, no. Sometimes I do not, as I really have other things to do, and which I’d rather do.

On the level of seeing a loved one in tears, no. There is no satisfaction in seeing tears, but it is necessary part of punishment, and a woman will benefit from it. So I spank despite the tears, and I do not give in to any instinct to hold back. 

Do you know other couples who spank? Many years ago before I was married I knew various couples who spanked, both within marriage and apart from it. Most were not Christian. Currently, I only know couples who spank through my website and other online counseling. That said, I would not be at all surprised if people we know do it privately. 

Does anyone know that you spank your wife? I have only told two close friends of mine so far. I am fairly certain that other friends and family have figured it out for themselves though. 

Can we hear what your wife has to say? I am honored that people would want to hear from my wife. Truly. She is a wonderful and godly woman. She is a good example to other women. My wife does not have a regular part in writing the material for this website, and she also is very busy with her own work. So generally, no. You don’t get to hear from her. However, I did have her write one article on wifely submission, offering advice on how to submit and sharing her experience. In the future eventually I will have her write more.

Was your wife always submissive? Not in the marriage sense, no. She did always have a gentle and meek character, and that helps with submission. She has always been very feminine. However, it was in getting married that she learned how to be submissive to a man, and to put that character into practice.

Before we married, my wife was, like many of her peers, planning for a career, and even thought she might not end up marrying. Once we started meeting, she gave that future up to marry me, and to become a submissive wife, mother, and homemaker. That has been a change, but because of her good character, it has not been too much of a struggle. There was never much feminist ideology in her, and her parents raised her well. 

Had your wife been spanked before marrying you? No. She had never been spanked, either by her parents or by anyone else. It was totally new for her.

Were you spanked as a kid growing up? Only a handful of times, but not regularly.  

How did you convince your wife to accept discipline? My wife already believed in the man’s authority. I led her to accept discipline by telling her simply that I would spank her for bad behavior, and by explaining the value that it holds for her. She had a few questions, but she agreed to that in our coming marriage.

What do you like doing for fun? I like doing many things for fun. It could be a long list. Probably my most common ones are cooking, hiking, and reading.

You’re a Trumpie, right? No.  

Will you write an article about [fill in the blank]? I almost always answer ‘yes’ to these article requests, which come in regularly, unless I’ve already posted such an article previously. Your suggestions help me to provide material, because I do not have endless ideas. They just need to be within the general focus of this website, which is authority and submission in marriage, and the practice of discipline. I also accept submissions by guest writers.

Will you spank me? No. I’m afraid not. I do offer counseling and mentorship though for singles or couples. 

Do you spank men? No, I do not. I do not spank anyone besides my wife. However, in principle there is nothing wrong with using corporal punishment to correct men, so long as it is done by the correct authority, and it is not done in any homoerotic way. Spanking is universally beneficial.