How to Give a Good, Sound Spanking

You might not know it, but despite the popularity of spanking, and the edgy pop culture BDSM world, there are men who have little idea of how to give a spanking to their wife. Some of them have never experienced one growing up, or it was so many years ago, when they were little, that they can’t conceive of it. Even men who were spanked as children realize that spanking an adult in marriage is very different, and they don’t know how to approach it. That is one of several reasons why so many men are hesitant to begin to discipline their wife, even when their wife asks for it. It’s being asked to do something you may not do well. It’s jumping into deep water. That’s why so many men ask how exactly you give a good spanking. 

I would put it this way: how do you give a good, sound, thorough spanking, along with a stern lecture, which will correct the errant lady? This is not a mystery, and men give them every day, you can be sure. There are a few basic things to know, but your judgment needs to decide on many of the details, and you need to decide what works best according to what you see in your marriage.

In order to give a good, sound spanking, you need to be able to tell your wife the seriousness of her offense. Lecture her on her wrong, and why that is not acceptable. You should assure that she knows her behavior is absolutely unacceptable, and that you are rightfully going to punish it. While you should be self-controlled, you should bring to mind the offense, and it should be clear in your voice that you are upset, and disappointed in her. Bring to light each aspect of the wrong, and how it breaks the rules, or expresses disrespect. A few questions and answers during your lecture will let her say, in her own words, that she knows it was wrong, and that she knows it broke your rules. She should affirm that she understands that the punishment for that is a spanking. I like to begin giving the spanking after she has admitted that she did wrong, or that I do not allow that behavior. She then goes immediately into position and I begin the spanking. 

The punishment session should be self-controlled. You should not be moved by anger or bitterness. You should draw to mind her offense and have your heart set on humbling her and on punishing the offense seriously. Be set on the fact she is going to receive a proper punishment, and that punishment will leave her regretting she ever behaved that way. It will leave her wishing she had listened to you, and had chosen not to disrespect you. Be firm, and do not back down, even if she is making excuses. Control the correction session, and give clear and firm orders about what she needs to do.  

Do not accept any misbehavior during her spanking. If she back talks, you need to tell her that is unacceptable, and add punishment if she continues. If she moves out of position, instruct her to get back into position, and warn her it will earn her more punishment if she is not cooperative. Bad behavior during a correction can lead to a second spanking, if you decide. She is there to learn, and her heart should be on submitting to you in punishment, and humbly learning her lesson. No backtalk. 

Choose a position for her that will allow you to deliver the strokes well. Sometimes position doesn’t matter, and comes in only as a matter of preference. Other times it does matter, as some instruments are easier to handle when you are spanking over the knee, and others are easier to handle if she is bent over, and you are standing. If it’s a small hard instrument, or by hand, having your wife over the knee for a spanking is easy, and you can deliver plenty of solid swats that way. However, with a longer instrument, or a swishy one such as a belt or a rope, it’s better to be standing, since you land the strokes more solidly that way, and with more balance of force across the bottom. That means you may have her bent over the edge of the bed, or kneeling upon it on all fours, to deliver the punishment. 

Spank your wife long and hard. Be very thorough, and cover the bottom with plenty of strokes, the exception perhaps being if you are using a severe instrument, in which you can be more measured with the number of strokes. I expect to see my wife’s bottom changing color all over as I deliver her spanking. You don’t have to use all your force in delivering the swats, but use enough to land your strokes hard on her bottom. It should feel solid. You can somewhat gauge by her reaction if you are landing them hard enough, but experience will tell you how to spank hard, and not go too far. Do not be swayed by her tears, or cries, since a spanking is supposed to hurt, and those are usually signs you are doing a good job. Pouring out her tears is also good for her, as they help her come to terms with her own guilt, and eventually accept the cleansing and peace the correction offers. Spank hard past tears, and make sure that she regrets her behavior, and will never want to repeat it. 

Some questions I will have my wife answer as I am spanking her include:

Are you glad you behaved that way? Do you wish you had made a different choice?

Are you sorry for your behavior?

Who do you belong to? Who does that little butt belong too? 

Are you going to behave that way again? Are you going to listen to your husband next time? 

Do I allow you to do that? Is it a good idea to dismiss what I tell you to do? 

Did you follow your husband’s rules? Who’s your man? 

These questions are hardly Shakespearean poetry, but when she hears them as you are strapping her backside, they do sink in, and they help shape her interior. They help her remember, through your voice, and her actions, that she is yours, and she needs to follow you, paying the highest respect. They also allow her to admit to herself that she truly messed up big, and how much easier it would be if she behaved. I don’t want you to feel limited by the examples I give, as there are others, and you may find your own questions useful, and find other things that your wife needs to affirm during her cleansing. I like to have her repeat a few of the more important answers as well, whether during the spanking itself, or during another part of the correction. Verbally saying what she needs to do, while kneeling before you, is a great help to her. There is a tendency for the guilty party to look down, but I will at times lift her face so that she needs to look me in the eyes as she affirms her obedience. 

The key word for me in giving a good spanking is this: thorough. Do not stop at tears. Do not stop at an “I’m sorry.” Be sure that she is wishing it would end, and has gone through the full process of accepting guilt, regretting her behavior, and promising what she will do differently. Many women would say the very same thing, and relate that they do not feel fully punished with a few swats, even if they are hard. They need to be out of control. They need to be pouring out their tears, their sorrow, and promising to be good. They need a burning bottom to know they have been fully punished, and with full punishment, brought back to peace with you, and cleansed of their guilt. A halfway punishment isn’t cleansing for a woman. Bad behavior, disrespect, disobedience and other infractions are truly harmful to the marriage. They harm the home, They set a bad example for your children. They disrespect the man she should honor. Your wife needs to know how serious those things are in marriage, and she learns that over your knee, in no uncertain terms. That bad behavior causes much more pain than a spanking, and her time being spanked is only a small fraction of the harm her behavior could cause. She learns how serious it is with a solid, thorough strapping.

Do not soften up at the end of the correction session. It is true your wife should be restored to you, but that does not mean that finishing the correction demands you be soft. Your discussion with her at the end needs to be calm and patient, but it also needs to be firm. She should be able to tell you how she will behave differently, and express her submission to you. It is good for her to hear a reminder of the lesson she just received, and some ways she can stay out of trouble in the future. That comes along with an expression of your love and trust at the end, and she should know that you believe in her, and know she will show you much better to come. Her attitude at the end of the spanking should be one of wanting to serve you fully, and make you proud. She is to please you and serve you, and she will always be loved, even when she gets spanked.


Comments

19 responses to “How to Give a Good, Sound Spanking”

  1. LindatoBehave Avatar
    LindatoBehave

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this vital topic. Before I sought your advice and read your writings, I was spanked, however, the spankings I received were not up to par or results oriented. My behavior improved, but not to the liking of my husband. Then, after getting your advice and reading your wonderful articles on this topic, things changed in our household. My husband embraced the advice on how to give a good sound spanking. I will not forget that first one, either. The questions and my answers throughout my time over his knee, the real spanking starting after he reddened my behind thoroughly with his hand and that awful paddle making me howl like a 10 year old and the tears that flowed, all making a very lasting impression. He did not stop until I gave him the answers he wanted to hear. Then, that time in the corner thinking about my new spanking experience going forward in our house and how I was going to thank him, brought it all home to me. Unfortunately, the way to my brain had to be through my well spanked behind. Anyway, thank you.

    1. I’m very happy my articles have assisted your husband in giving more thorough spankings and firm lectures. It does indeed reach the brain when done right. I trust you are doing your best to behave better, and make him very pleased with you. I encourage all men to take up the reins and give discipline soundly when needed.

      1. LindatoBehave Avatar
        LindatoBehave

        Yes, Sir, please be assured that I am doing my best to behave better and make my husband very pleased with me. The rude awakening of my spankings having to be thorough has prompted me to pay more close attention to my husband word, remove the word “No” from my vocabulary, and take steps to become more patient. Besides, having to see the paddle out in the open, serves as a reminder that I need to behave. Thank you,

        1. You’re welcome. Keep up the good work in your submission.

  2. My husband has added many elements to his spanking rituals over the course of our marriage, intended to shape my mind once a good spanking has pried it open. Lecturing, joint prayer, and private reflection are nearly always included, and often I am required to journal about what I’ve learned (which I actually enjoy and find very helpful). Sometimes, required reading is assigned. It might be a Bible passage or an excerpt from a book on marriage, read over again to reinforce my lesson.

    Two nights ago, I was spanked, every bit as soundly as you recommend. It was well-deserved, but it had been awhile since my last punishment, and I was feeling especially discouraged by my inability to consistently obey my husband without any procrastination or resistance. This morning, I asked to read your last article, a description of a recent discipline session, which we had seen a notification for, but hadn’t yet had time to read. It brought me comfort, as I expected it would, but my husband also saw this article, which drew his attention. He required me to read it aloud to him, commenting my agreement on various parts and affirming that he as my husband was training me well and safeguarding our marriage. We often read you together, but this was a new experience, and much more humbling, as I had to stand before him and read aloud advice encouraging him to spank me soundly, as he had in fact just recently done.

    My husband and I speak openly about the role discipline plays in our marriage, how it benefits each of us as individuals, and the confusing swirl of emotions it brings up in me, as a woman who fears punishment greatly, yet also wants and needs a man who will spank her when called for. Women despise spankings, but strongly desire the men who deliver them. While this is very confusing for me, I am so thankful to have a man who loves my natural, womanly desire to submit to him, and is content to listen to me share my feelings about what’s most helpful to me as his wife when I am punished.

    On that note, I agree with your last paragraph about not being too soft immediately afterwards. The lesson needs to linger, just as the soreness does, softening and reshaping me in the days to come. The post-spanking lecture is helpful to me in solidifying my regret and my acknowledgement of my sins. Journaling those thoughts helps me to remember and more easily avoid disrespect and disobedience in the future.

    Affirming what I did wrong, before as well as after discipline, is important for the health of our marriage. My husband doesn’t spank me because he is angry or mean, he spanks me because I violated a rule or guideline that we both value, a violation that I understood would lead to a spanking, and in fact agreed would be an appropriate punishment. Laying that groundwork provides the appropriate context for punishment. I am being spanked because I have done wrong, a situation both my husband and I do not want to happen again. As a result, he will, with much love in his heart, deliver the spanking we previously agreed was the right way to handle my behavior. You are very wise to include that in your advice.

    Though it’s painful for me to say, you are also wise to recommend being thorough. This line says it best: “They need to be out of control.” Like Linda, I wish I could be chastened with a soft spanking, but that’s not the way God made me. There is a point in a hard, firm, unrelenting correction where I relinquish all control to my husband. My resistance melts, and my anger, my sharp tongue, my resentment, whatever I had been holding onto, leaves my body. My husband can sense it, too, and, unfortunately, it happens well past the point when I first begin to cry. I haven’t truly turned a corner until my body slackens and I’m nearly breathless with sobs. It’s a sweet relief when that feeling comes, as I know sin has finally left my heart and the spanking will be over soon. I have offered up my mortal flesh in sacrifice for the good of our marriage, and now I can relax in the comfort of my man’s arms.

    I do agree with Linda, even though I wish it weren’t so. The pathway to a peaceful marriage is through a well-spanked behind.

    1. DarcyNH Avatar

      Sophia I am glad your brought up prayer and am surprised that Aron didn’t mention it in his post. All of my spankings are done prayerfully, from the moment I am out in the corner I am praying for myself and my husband is praying for God to guide him. Afterwards my husband leads us both in prayer. I am a meek and submissive wife because that is how God made me in his glory and I could not imagine those moments such as a spanking when my submission is most obvious, not leaning on God’s infinite mercy.

      Just recently I was spanked. I had seen a former high school teacher at the store and we got into a conversation. I was telling my husband about it, and he asked if I provided testimony before the Lord to her and gave her a tract to invite her to our church. I admitted that I did not. I always carry these tracts in my purse and often give them to people. I am not required to hand them out to strangers but my husband and our church like us to give testimony to acquaintances when we can. This was a perfect opportunity and I am sad that I let it pass by. I accepted my punishment gracefully, though I of course was crying and asking for forgiveness. Afterwards my husband and I went deep into prayer. The prayers after a spanking I think do just as much to cleanse me of my guilt as the spanking itself.

      For the Glory of God,
      Darcy

      1. Darcy, prayer is at the heart of my relationship with my husband, always, and I know it is for Aron and his precious wife as well, just as it is for you and your husband. I am sorry to hear that you were recently spanked, but glad, too, that you are now cleansed and forgiven. For me, sometimes it’s hard to draw distinctions between the cleansing and forgiveness I receive from the Lord and that which I receive from my husband. I know the Lord works through my man to guide and shape me, and that He expects me to submit to punishment when it’s called for. I agree with you that just after correction, when I have been fully cleansed by my ultimate leader on this earth, and he and I bow our heads together, that is when I feel that my heart is right with God once again. I know I am already forgiven because Jesus died for my sins long ago, but the penance of offering my flesh for mortification makes me feel like I’ve earned my husband’s forgiveness, and that makes me feel like my prayers to the Lord for forgiveness are accepted. I believe God expects me to honor my husband first, by submitting to whatever I have coming from him, before He will fully shine the light of His forgiveness on me as well. I honor God by honoring my husband, and it’s hard to draw a distinction between the two. I hope that makes sense. Blessings to you and your husband, Darcy! I will pray for you.

  3. LindatoBehave Avatar
    LindatoBehave

    Sophia, I enjoyed your post and agree with your points, especially, that the pathway to a peaceful marriage is through a well-spanked behind. Mine, like yours, is definitely well spanked. I noted your comment on journaling. I believe that is something I have let slide, but now plan to do going forward. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Linda, I’m so thankful that the Lord has blessed you with a strong husband who isn’t afraid to lead you with a firm hand. When He saw that you weren’t receiving the full benefits of correction, and that your husband wasn’t fully satisfied with the results, He, in His infinite wisdom, led you to Aron. In a different world, Christian men could speak openly with one another about their headship practice, but since that is not the case now, we must seek out advice from others online. It’s amazing to me to see yet another example of a couple who love each other and want to improve their marriage benefitting from the wisdom of Aron’s advice and the collection of resources he’s prepared here, mainly for husbands, but also for wives, I think. I pray that God continues to bless your marriage, Linda, and to hold you close in His heart.

  4. anagonza286 Avatar
    anagonza286

    Good morning. I’ve started reading this blog and I’m learning a lot. I’m single and hoping to find a Christian man who believes in correction. I look forward to reading more of your advice.

    1. Thank you for joining us, Ana! I hope you are able to find a good man to lead and love you in marriage. I’m very glad you have found this website helpful. Blessings to you.

    2. Sweet Ana, how wonderful that God has brought you to Aron’s blog! There is so much good advice to read here, from how a lady should behave to what she can expect from a godly husband. Keep your lovely heart open and pure! I will pray that you find a righteous man to marry.

  5. LindatoBehave Avatar
    LindatoBehave

    Welcome anagonza286 and I hope you find the right man, I think aronhusband wrote an article on the subject of practice before marriage. Sometimes the path to a warm hear is through a well spanked, warm, behind.

    1. anagonza286 Avatar
      anagonza286

      Thanks. Do you know of any apps for meeting men looking for the same kind of relationship as us? I find it so difficult.

  6. dominant male Avatar
    dominant male

    I just want to add one more thing. What do you think about slap in the face?

    1. Hello Dominant, That topic comes up once in a while. I don’t use a slap in the face at all, but I have heard from couples where it is common. I believe a slap can be unintentionally dangerous, since the head and face have so much sensitive area, and it can also come across more like a personal attack. However, I can see how a slap might be used simply as a way to get through to a woman quickly, and warn her about what she’s doing. It saves a lot of time from a discipline session, for sure. I actually have an article on that topic already written.

      Take care.

      1. dominant male Avatar
        dominant male

        Thank you Aron. I also want to ask is it okay to ground my wife as a first resort over spanking her? Should spanking be second?

        1. Hello Dominant, What works best for you is ultimately what you should choose. In general, I do not use grounding, because it is impractical, and spanking is much faster. Spanking also instills respect and submission very well, more so than other punishments. There are husbands that use grounding, but I have never seen a need for it. It may be uniquely useful if the wife has been going out places she should not, but even then, I would discipline her with a spanking, and she would change that behavior for sure.

  7. Hi Ana, I’m Joseph. If you like to chat .. josephone145@yahoo.com

    Also, Aron has written a singles section on here, albeit dated, but people do occasionally post. Blessings!

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